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DS just could not cope at birthday party this afternoon...

11 replies

mysonben · 06/12/2009 23:47

This was the very first proper disco birthday party DS got invited at (he has known this little girl since birth).
DS is 4 ( mild asd). Before he has been to smaller parties and things hadn't been too bad actually.

But this turned out quite different, it was in a hall, with a dj, disco lights, and ...lots of kids.
After usual initial refusal to enter, he went in and quickly played chase and running around happily.
Then party games started... pass the parcel, i explained to a bewildered DS what he had to do, stayed with him to make sure he passed the parcel, with a nudge he was doing fine until another kid won the present.
Oh boy! DS just went into one... crying, screaming. No matter what i said or tried to do he wouldn't stop.
Dj came to talk to him to say there will be more games with more presents, that alone made him scream more
Another game started, DS was still crying and simply not getting it, he was getting upset over everything and nothing.

So i tried to leave, he didn't want to leave! ...and was kicking and screaming as i was struggling to put his coat on.
A friend who we rarely see , came over to ask if 'he was on medications?'...WTF!!!

It was a bad experience and we won't be repeating it in a hurry.
Poor DS had such red swollen eyes for the rest of the afternoon from all the crying.
I sort of get into a 'comfort bubble' regarding DS's asd issues, you know like we do the same old stuff at home and DS hasn't got much socialising with peers outside of nursery routine and park, so that was a nasty wake up call.

Still i won't let get me down again... there are other stuff we can do that DS does enjoys, will stick to these in the future.

OP posts:
busybeingmum · 07/12/2009 07:41

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waitingforgodot · 07/12/2009 10:54

Your thread on TTR made me think I should maybe introduce the pass the parcel idea at home as my DS would be clueless and since its party season soon.....

If I had organised that game of pass the parcel, I would have put a wee gift in each layer so everyones a winner.

ohmeohmy · 07/12/2009 11:02

I hate pass the parcel, Sn or not kids get upset. DD still brings up being 'left out' in musical statues after she was out. Her party soon we will modify all games so everyone stays happy!

jasdox · 07/12/2009 12:12

sorry it was such a bad party, they can be quite overwhelming.

i was really surprised when at a party ds took to pass the parcel really well, then learned that the nursery do it as part of the activites, v. useful they also do other party games.

being the party season, his getting more fraught with them, first party i could leave him, now his clinging to me and begging me to stay in tears, same people though! not quite sure what to make of this new development - short term or i'm thinking the they of things to come, and now i am v. worried. and everywhere we go now all he says is 'can with go home'

ds party did not have any traditional games, or turn taking and went down well. but parties are always going to be a tough one.

not sure what is happening to ds, but either since seeing the paed or turning 4 (only a day apart) and thinking PDD-NOS described him well, I've think that was a bit permature, i guess why they do not like dxing early, but his turned into this child i do not know and incredibly anxious about everything (putting on jeans this morning!). from not being to big on meltdowns they are now frequent, the order and placement of items, repeating things, taking it out on ds2. he had a 20min meltdown as a girl at pre-school suggested they go in to pre-school room together, he hid behind the pram and would not come out for ages, only when everything went quiet and they were all sat down.

sorry bit long, but having a ds changing before my eyes, and do not know what to do to help him.

troutpout · 07/12/2009 12:44

Awww.. That sounds tough for you.If it helps any...i have been to a party once with about 30 4-5 year olds. There were about 3 children with sn..the rest were nt.
About 12 of the kids there had screaming tantrums when they didn't win. (ds wasn't even interested in taking part let alone winning or losing). dd (nt) also found losing very difficult at that age.
Lots of children still have problems with this at 4-5....so don't obsess too much about it being linked to his asd.

phlebas · 07/12/2009 13:06

what troutpout said ... we had a birthday party with pass the parcel last week. There were about 30 kids between 3 & 12 there - about a third of them On The Spectrum - the not winning tantrums were equally from the nt kids. DS joined in though insisted on sitting on a stool rather than the floor like the others

CardyMow · 07/12/2009 14:22

BLEH! My asd 6yo DS2 won't go to large parties at all, stands outside refusing to go in, he will only go to small parties if I stay (my 7yo DS1(NT) would have been mortified if I'd stayed!), even for his own birthday, this year was his first party, I hired a hall, played his favourite music, only invited 12 kids (including his brother and sister), had presents in EACH layer of pass the parcel, enough so that each child got 2 little toys each, and we STILL had 3 meltdowns, at his own party?! One as a ballon popped, one as he had promised his friend that he would let him win sleeping lions (without telling any of us), so DS1 duly 'woke up' DS2's friend, who was fine, but DS2 went oriental, and once as the candles were the wrong colour....BLEH! to parties....

Barmymummy · 07/12/2009 14:29

Hi MSB - soon as I saw the thread I knew this would be you

Well if its any consolation DS went to a party in July where he did pass the parcel and each time it stopped at someone else he would have a hissy fit. In the end they had to rig it so he got a turn to try and shut him up, was v embarressing.

He then went to a party in August where he point blank refused to do it at all (probably remembering the month before lol!). Then in November DH took DS to a party in a hall, loads and loads of kids, big bouncy castle (has a think about not liking these for some reason) and then they said "pass the parcel time!" DH got ready for the tantrum but DS played it NO PROBLEM. Couldn't believe it, you would never known he had such tantrums a few months ago playing it.

I think what I am trying to say is he is still only young and as someone rightly said, loads of NT 4-5 year old kids get fed up with not winning lol!!

Dont give up yet, in a few months you may find he is fine with it all, x

mysonben · 07/12/2009 14:31

Thanks for replies, it's true there were a few whining , grizzling kids yesterday re: party games. DS wasn't the only one on that point, but what rattled me is the fact that he couldn't stop crying and tantruming once it had started. Nobody could get through to him. It was one thing after the next, he simply didn't get the games that were played, and clearly didn't enjoy himself.
I suspect part of it was :1) not winning the presie, and 2) snsory overload tantrums.
As he calmed down very, very fast once we got in the car.
It was just all too much for him!

OP posts:
Barmymummy · 07/12/2009 14:37

TBH its all still too much for me I still hate discos, nightclubs or anywhere where I won't win the prize and you think I'm kidding......

mysonben · 07/12/2009 14:38

lol...

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