It's Christmas -let the meltdowns begin!

[siblingrivalry]

Hi
Haven't posted on here for ages (since DM fiasco) so I'm a bit of a stranger at the moment. I do lurk every day, though.

I'm a bit to admit that I'm not as patient as I could be at this stressful time of year and would appreciate any other opinions/views.

DD is almost 9 and has AS. Sure enough, as the amount of Christmas hype increases, the wheels start to come off.We are seeing more meltdowns and she seems to be constantly crying or shouting. Her sensory issues and OCDs get worse, too.

I now anticipate this in advance and do whatever I can to alleviate her stress and help her to cope eg I try to make sure she relaxes whenever possible (HAH!) and severely restrict the amount of activities or events she attends.

However, it's really getting me down that I seem to be so irritable at the moment and I feel crap about it .
The main flashpoint for me is when she is getting dressed on a morning. She has to have every item of clothing looking perfect, crease free and laying flat, so it can take forever for her to get ready. She needs my help, so it's not as if I can just walk away til she's sorted.

I allow extra time for her to get dressed, but this morning I still found myself getting irritated and I wanted to snap at her.
I'm drained by the extra pressure Christmas brings -there is so must strain on the whole family when DD is struggling. Am I on my own in this, or is it a common theme here ? TIA

We get double bubble here as DS1 has a december birthday (now passed) so it satrts early,and was in particularevident here in the last 3 weeks.

However yesterday (the day itself) was quite calm aswe attempted nothing involving going out or other people- meal in, dvd, and he spent time talking to his new robot. We'regoing to see Mum tomorrow and for ameal Sunday so we'rebound to get it at some stage but aslong as the day is clear IYSWIM.

I now forceschool to omit him from plays etc and that helps, and he has a get out of school freecard (AKAplanned sickies) if non educational stuff gets too much.

DS3 is different-- he doesn't seem tor espond much. He ispractising school songs fine, has more problems around the concepts itself- struggling to get him to relaise its not a one thing treat (for some reason he thinks it is one gift or a nice meal....??),and its taking brinbery to get him off pasta for the actual meal.

We are keeping things reined in though- the three days will be kept very tight and us only, routine based, he knows what gifts he is getting as we plan toghether then order fromSanta (needs must...). And if things get too bad, thank goodness for Club Penguin as it is a sanity saver here

Double the trouble here too, although my dd's are younger (3 and 5) the stress levels are still high. I have given in to dd1 and tonight she is going to the school x-mas party, i am dreading her coming home, last year i managed to talk her out of it and all was fine.

Dd2 (ASD) has been stressed since last week when the put the decorations up at nursery and started singing x-mas songs (instead of twinkle twinkle etc..), she's got fussy with her food and is easily upset (not like her at all).

Dd1 is Mary in the school play so is stressing about that and getting confused as lessons have been replaced with rehursals.

Dd2 is walking around saying 'christas' every time she spots anything sparkly or christmas related.

I can't wait for school to break up, one of dd2's nursery's break up next week and i am taking her out early from her other nursery so she can miss out on the parties.

Ds2 (6) has been finding it very difficult at school since the decorations went up and the Christmas stuff started.

He calms down again at home but the school is getting the worst of it atm. His teacher is doing her absolute best but short of banning Christmas at school there's not much more that she can actually do for him. I'm beginning to dread collecting him from school.

Even worse is when well-meaning children tell ds1 (9) what has been happening with ds2 at school. Ds1 has no concept of tact and diplomacy and questions his brother about it - which usually ends with ds2 getting upset again because he's been reminded about it all over again.

Ds1 is doing well so far but I'm on edge because I know that this might change at any moment.

I'm counting the days until the end of term and hoping they get through it all as painlessly as possible. Very stressful.

ds1 isn't impressed by the deccies at school. He was on a trip yest, and dd told him this morning there was a tree up. He muttered 'Well I'm not going to look at it' I guess he is developing his own strategies.

This is ds first year in SEN school for christmas and they have so much more going on that his m/s school ever did

dd birthday 14th which will get ds very excited.

At least the advent calander works as a good visual timetable!

It was the school Christms fete today, and DS2 was on fine form, screaming all the way around as he saw Santa and thought I was going to feed him to him take him over. Cue loads of repetitive "No Santa" cries.

I've also been approached by his teacher as he is isn't sure ds2 will cope with being in the nativity play. DS2 doesn't like the school hall at the best of times, and I know he won't like it, I've already told them to just keep him out of it, but they are still going ahead anyway. I'm going to the dress rehersal on Monday, and it has been suggested (not by me) that I might like to get upon stage with ds2 so that he joins in! haha yeah right.

Tibni - yes! The advent calendar is working brilliantly here too lol! Is forever asking me if its still Friday or whatever day we are on. After continually telling him its the next day AFTER he wakes up he is starting to get it! Still getting all the days wrong though lol!

Anyway, yes xmas is starting to show its signs here too. Took him to see Santa at local garden centre which he amazed us at as he was great . However, we went yesterday to DD's school where they see santa, play games and generally pay alot of dosh out on tat . DS didnt like it at all. It was busy, loud, cramped and hot. Not a good combo. We have paid the price for it today, he has been bouncing off the walls and I havent seen him this 'distracted' for a while. Am currently putting up the deccies and so far so good. Is far too engrossed in his Disney dvd to notice I think .

He doesn't start school til Jan so am actually very glad he has escaped all the nativity stuff as that really would blow his mind. Dreading it next year

advent calender is ace!

Thanks for the replies, everyone - your stories are all very familiar.

5inthesleighbed -sorry, couldn't help grinning at the thought of you in the nativity!

DD1 just insisted on going to a small carol service in the grounds of dd2's school and spent the majority of the time hiding behind a tree! Cue an early departure from us.

It's so hard, isn't it, when the activities are 'sold' as being fun and exciting, yet children like ours find them to be anything but.

Oh well, only another 2 weeks at school(GULP)

SR, I'm not going to be in the nativity unless they let me be Mary ;) Failing that, I'm going to be a big fat reindeer

Hi Siblingrivalry
Christmas time can be a very confusing time of year for many children with special needs. Many of the usual routines alter at school. Their environments at home and at school also alter with all the decorations. Then we have more "social" expectations in the festive season, school performances, visits from relatives (many not seen on a regular basis), parties etc. It can therefore be a stressful time even when we are accepting of all these things. As christmas is only annually it is also not that frequent an occassion to get used to, it can take years. It sounds from your post that you are a wonderful caring mum and you are helping your daughter cope as best she can. Keep up with your support for her but don't forget you need to support yourself as it can all get very emotionally draining. It is understandable to get a bit irritable as you have challenging things to support your daughter with. Sending you love x