DH on phone to MIL next to me and I am grinding my teeth with barely suppressed rage

[Greensleeves]

it's the usual fucking patter about ds1 having Aspergers

basically her view is that he could pull his socks up and grow out of it if we were tougher with him

DH is being very reasonable and explaining over and over again that he isn't going to grow out of it

and she is insisting that there are boys with AS at the grammar school she works at who are "perfectly normal"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

today has been an unusually trying day

sympathies!
Bite your tongue but not too hard!

and for you greensleeves, DS is AS too and I have toput up with-- this shit endure idiots like this too.

Have you seen the info sheet that you can hand out to grandparents? I think it was NAS site I saw it on, I was tempted to hand it out to certain outlaws of mine at one time but decided not to bother with them instead.

bugger.

Axiom she would just ignore it

she whitewashes anything she doesn't like

I shouldn't let her get to me, I KNOW she is like this - the real surprise is that my dad, whom I thought would be like this, is actually really receptive and now thinks HE has AS (and I think so too )

but she WILL NOT accept that the flapping/lpanicking/not handling transitions well/hiding under the table if he has a supply teacher without warning etc is not something he can just "stop" - he isn't just being naughty fgs

I don't know why she makes me so mad, we only see her about twice a year

My DS hides under tables and so on too. I have found it very surprising who has been receptive and supportive and who has failed in doing so spectacularly (sp?). You have my sympathies on the wetting issues too BTW, DS soils and it is sometimes very wearing being understanding and supportive day in day out when you are changing yet another set of clothes/bedding. Go get yourself a well earned drink and toast the fact you see her so infrequently.

There's no point.

There are certain family member who still cannot accept that ds1 has autism- he's 10 and can't talk at all FFS. I used to try and explain, but after counselling realised it was pointless and no merrily go about my life, whilst no doubt they merrily go about there. Some people will never get it. Best thing you can do is get to the stage where their not getting it doesn't matter to you.

sympathies,have spent day with auntie, whom i see every week, telling me dd (prob moderate autism) could be fine if i was a proper mother and found time to teach her, and when i said it hurt she called me self absorbed. It's hard.

fanjo that's awful

I think it's why I'm so sensitive about it, there's always the spectre of "lots of older people still think autism is down to disinterested mothering" hovering in the background

we had the first full session of the earlybird course this morning too, which was interesting but also full of references to it being "incurable" and "lifelong impairments" etc - which I should be OVER by now ffs

sometimes though..... I just want to ring MIL back and blind her with figures and studies and rub her interfering parochial little nose in the dirt

my fil is the same,has said I just let dd rule the roost. She has hypotonia but both he and my auntie have said she is fine and i have just held her back.
It's definitely that generation. The more you protest they just think you are in denial and not accepting their good advice. They are both people i was very close to, i think you must just lose people with these conditions, it's sad.

Sorry to hear that greeny. It is that generation, my lovely tolerant uncle has that view of Aspergers and he really should know better, he's great on most things.

DBIL's mother had a dreadful time in the 70s/80s with a child diagnosed with AS, all the experts then told her it was due to her being a cold unloving mother.

It's not "incurable" or an "impairment". It's "different". better in some ways worse in others. ignore the MIL. I would ignore mine (if she weren't too busy ignoring me first).

It is amazing what happens with family and friends. The ones who you think will be supportive and aren't (my sister) and the ones who you think would be awkward and are great (my MIL, that one took us both by surprise,shes been brilliant). The ones that let you down are really disappointing and it hurts.
BUT one huge advantage is that you learn a lot about peoples character and that is your strength. You now have a greater barometer of the good eggs from the bad. Take this as a positive and let it be your strength.
xxx

My MIL was like that, for a while. She started out calling ds 'a bit retarded' and that it didn't come from her family. We never see her but she does occassionally phone and I make a habbit of telling her how wonderful her son is, and how hard he is working, and how stressful his life is trying so hard to do the best for his son and help him with his autism.

For his 40th birthday she presented him with a cheque for £5k for 'therapy for ds'.

I was sooooo shocked, but sooooo grateful too. Perhaps you could try this approach?