can i do this on my own??

[meerkatsandkookaburras]

i think my relationship is going to end, were always argueing and its getting worse dp isnt ds's dad so if we split its not like he will see or help me with ds. i get very little family support except he stays there over night a couple of times a year which causes more problems than it solves really, he has autism and needs routine this sets him out for literally a few hours, she has him from 5/6pm til 9am in morning! so i just feel its no great help. hes at preschool 5 x 2.5hr sessions a week but struggling and were just at the start of the statementing process but as were in nottinghamshire this could be difficult!!!! im worrying if i can cope on my own as i struggle enough now with dp around, though he doesnt do a great deal he doesnt do absolutely nothing and i just worry if ill be able to mentally and physically, and financially cope. please tell me i can? who else does it? is it really hard having noone to cry to when ds being difficult? and what about other things like respite etc were struggling to get them now, is that likely to be a bit easier to get? loads of questions i know sorry im just so stressed and panicking that i dont know if i should beg dp to try again etc or just give up on it, main worry is ds to be honest its just so hard now i dont know if i can do it alone

Hi meerkatsandkookaburras i'm sorry to hear you arent having a great time . I do it on my own and went through the pregnancy on my own with loads of stress from my son dad , i also have a 13 year old , my son is only 17 months and can be hard enough to deal with even though he doesnt do much at this stage but does worry me as he gets older . You will be able to deal with it on your own as you wont have the added stress of being with someone that things arent good with . the furture can be scary but no-one knows what it will be like . Keep your chin up , you have to remeber you are strong getting through this all . I also dont have much family support so i do understand how you are feeling , wish you all the best of luck x

Firstly, Im really sorry to hear that you are having a hard time ATM. THats not nice any time of year.

However, can you manage on your own? absolutely you can, and you will! Once the immediate stress of the split is over (and im talking the first couple of weeks), Im sure that actually you will find it easier than you thought it was going to be. A lot of stress is caused by the sour relationship, which you dont realise at the time because its ongoing and deteriorating, without you noticing. so once thats out ofthe way, it will become easier on that front.

Next you WILL find a certain amount of freedom (i realise that it wont all be roses because of your DS's needs) that you didnt realise you didnt have before - you only have to think about YOU and your DS. Come and go as you both please, do what you want, when you want - if you want to live on sandwiches and go to the park at 8am, YOU CAN!!!

Im betting that also once the dust has settled, your DS will also be much more settled without the stress of the relationship affecting him too. He may (fingers crossed) be even slightly more easy going (I did say slightly!) and relaxed.

So, as for the statementing: A) you have the backing of the school and all professionals! you couldnt ask for more!!! honestly, hopefully yours might be one of the rare ones around here (NOTTS!) that goes thru without much hitch! you couldnt be in a better position for that whole thing. And B) without the stress of a bad relationship you will have energy to see it thru.

You can do this, and you can manage, and not only that, you CAN and will enjoy life again. Take care, and good luck for this part of your journey XXX

meerkats, I am sorry to hear you are having such a rough time.

I totally agree with what misscutandstick said. I was a single parent for a few years, and the freedom does make it a bit easier than you would expect.

I jsut cried to friends, mostly! I dound I had a much better social life when I didnt have a dp/h to think about. I could invite people over whenever I wanted without a partner to consider.

Take it one day at a time, and it will get easier over time.

i find it easier on my own to be honest, ds was much more settled and had a better routine when it was only the two of us, the house was a lot calmer and i think that benefitted us both.
i dated someone last year for about 6 months after being on my own for a year and a half and at first it was great having someone around, going out for dinner etc but as soon as he started wanting to be here all the time i chucked him
i realised i much prefer it on my own for the moment, i like my own routine, my own rules, my own remote control, reckon i'll just become a spinster!

Not in same situation, but we have just got 4 hours direct payments (DP) for DS (age 3 ASD) so it is possible. We got it mostly on basis of needing time with other children but also because we can hire staff from pre school as babysitters who know DS so that made sense ie they could see that would work. As single parent you should definitely be entitled to DP / respite so you have some time off, but equally you should get some DP now so you and your partner have some time to yourselves to try and sort out whether to stay together or not. If SS think your family is breaking down you might get more support - I would talk to SS now about things and say you need some respite to spend time on your relationship - even if just one night off a week. There are also services like Homestart etc which can help too. DP is pretty much the only option for under 5's here - once they are over 5 there are trained staff who run leisure activities / holiday schemes etc. but there's no respite for under 5s - you have to find someone you are happy to look after your child. Could you ask at pre school if anyone used to your son would be willing to babysit evening / weekend then you could raise it with SS.