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Aspergers diagnosis at age 13 - how to discuss with DS

3 replies

MrsFlittersnoop · 25/11/2009 18:28

Does anyone have any experience of explaining a diagnosis of Aspergers (and its long-term implications) to a bright teenager, who is already acutely aware of not fitting in with his peers and is terrified of being "different"?

13 year old DS has been undergoing assessment for social and communication difficulties by the SALT team at his new school. He joined year 9 in September after we moved to a new part of the country and within 2 weeks the SENCO had referred him because he was getting bullied and the stress of the situation made his Aspie traits extremely apparent.

Their initial thoughts were dyspraxia, but the test results have come back strongly indicating Aspergers, and they want to refer him to a paediatrician as soon as possible for a formal diagnosis.

We have been incredibly fortunate with DS's school, they have been enormously supportive and have already put lots of strategies in place to help DS. The SENCO went out of her way to stress that the school currently has several popular and high-achieving pupils with HFA/Aspergers.

I have strongly suspected for years that DS is on the autisic spectrum but have always had my concerns dismissed by all and sundry. For a variety of reasons it is a condition that I know quite a lot about, and the diagnosis has come as a relief after years of being told by family, friends and school that DS's difficulties were down to my crap parenting.

I don't know how to start discussing this with DS though. The SENCO suggested we tell him the referral for a diagnosis is part of an on-going assessment of his "learning styles", which will enable him to make the best choices re. his GSCE options next year.

Should I just leave it to the paediatrician and the SALT team to discuss this with DS in the first instance? I am really confused about the best approach to take .

OP posts:
mysonben · 25/11/2009 22:05

Bump.

ThatVikRinA22 · 25/11/2009 22:20

hi - i think honesty is the best policy. trust me - he will already know he is different - and it will probably be an enormous relief to understand why!

there are loads and loads of books and leaflets out there to explain - the NAS website is a good place to look.

my son was 7. i just sat him down and explained that his brain worked differently to other peoples. his brain is quite amazing sometimes!

i also got a little leaflet, then when he was older i bought him a book written by a 13 yr old with aspergers called Freaks, Geeks and Aspergers syndrome by Luke Jackson.
he took it all in his stride. there is a wealth of info out there. good luck!

sarah876 · 26/11/2009 17:50

Hi,
I am in a simular situation to you.....My son has just been diagnosed with Asperger's at the age of 13 only ten days ago.He took in his stride really....I have just explained to him what I know about Asperger's by what I have read etc...To be honest I think the diagnosis is more for the people directly involved with him...its gives an explanation to their behaviour that sets them about from the others. My son has adapted his life to being a clown act(before this he was bullied...age 8) around his peers which is all fair and well at this age but it does concern me for when he gets older and being the clown will no longer be acceptable around his friends.My main concern is his education as he has narrow interests which do not fit around the school curriculum so having a diagnosis will now make the school more flexible and try to educate him the way in which he learns best.
Explain yourself and let the paediatrician explain also. This is nothing to fear x

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