How do you deal with people who say 'oh theres nothing wrong with him...'?

[allaboutme]

DS has been being assessed for ASD for almost a year now.
A few friends and family know about the assessments. I've had a fair few comments along the lines of 'oh I dont think theres much wrong with him' and 'He's doing really well, I dont think theres anything wrong'
I think people are being nice and trying to be re-assuring.
But I know there is something there and the comments make me feel a bit like people are saying 'you are making this up, he's fine' type thing.

Today DS has his review with paed and she said that she is fairly sure he is on the spectrum. She is calling a multi disciplinary review asap for formal diagnosis.

I told a friend who I met straight afterwards and she said 'but you'd never know, it doesnt seem as though there is anything wrong with him to me!'
I find myself saying 'well, he does X and he struggles with Y' but its all little things and makes me sound petty. Its all the little things that add up really and I just never know what to say when put on the spot like that!

Will have to tell MIL in next few days. She is a lovely lovely MIL, but adores DS and thinks he is absolutely fine, not worried about him at all etc.

Need to think up good responses in advance I think!
What can I say, that doesnt belittle the fact that I think its important to acknowledge that he has ASD, but also doesnt run down DS and go on about things he is not good at iyswim?

Thank you for all the answers!
I have been reading and it is heartening (although a shame too!) that its not just me who is bothered by this.
I am 100% sure that my friends and family who say these things are being genuinly nice and want to try and reassure me, so I dont want to be rude to them but I also dont want to have to 'explain myself' or run down DS iyswim.
Plus my friends tend to see him in our house or somewhere where DS is very comortable so he is acting 'normal' iyswim, plus most of my friends have younger children so they will say 'oh thats just boys, my DS does that too!' if DS runs off repeatedly, has a huge tantrum or wets himself... their child is 2 though and DS is 4!
The only thing people seem to 'accept' that he is delayed with is his speech as that is something quite obvious which cant be missed.

I have read through all your posts with interest and have decided I think to go with something along the lines of 'you're right, its not obvious when he's at ease in his surroundings, but it is obvious in certain situations and I think he may find things hard when he starts school so its great that he will have the help he needs to do well now he has been diagnosed'

Two answersreally

1. Well hevfits thetriad and icd crieria so I think we can go with it somehow

or more moodily

So.. what hospital did you say you did ytour paeditreics training at?

Its happened lessas the boys haveaged and thetraits and signs become more obvious, and indeed I have noticed that the things that usewd to be debated 'but hes fine in class' etcare now increasinly understood as what they are (eg routine dependences)