Stick your smiley/sad face up your arse!

[claw3]

Ds is an extremely anxious, passive, confused little boy with lots of phobias who finds school a nightmare.

What do the school do give him a smiley/sad face chart, adding to his anxiety, he is now petrified of getting anything wrong and failing to get a smiley face.

Where do they find these bloody people!

is it not the same thing we had? a chart for him to express (without words) what he is feeling? to help make him less anxious?

not sure - it sounds as though that would be the sensible way - maybe school have got the wrong end of the comms stick?

it doesn't sound great if they are 'marking' him like that...

Morning Madwomanintheattic - No a chart for him to express himself would make sense!

This chart is to mark him, for example if he refuses to sit down at carpet time or get changed for PE, they threaten him with getting a sad face if he doesnt do it and he gets one if he doesnt. It is also used as a home/school liaison 'book' (scrap of paper)

I have written on the back that we dont want it as it is adding to his anxieties and he is not behaving badly by not sitting on the carpet, but feeling anxious and he shouldnt be 'punished' for feeling, especially as he has great difficulties relating to his feelings.

Comment back from teacher 'i will ask ds tommorrow' WTF!

WTF- on two counts here.

yes the chart is being use completely inappropriately- ds1 uses one at reviews etc to express his feelings, they are a psoitive then but to mark him? Either it will put unendurable pressure on him to0 conform, or it will have the same effect as stickers did for my boys- none at all, they liked the stickers but had no idea what they had been given them for.

Also about asking your ds what he thinks- that is undermining at its worst. We had similar over the school play (we wrote a letter toe xcuse him) and they tried to talk him into it- they fail;ed this year but in the past have failed as ds1 was pretty much bullied into it, which sounds like the tactic they are using here. I would be Most Displeased.

Hi SOFP - Well the conversation will go rather well.

Teacher 'Do you want your smiley face chart'

Ds Look at the floor and silence

He cannot stand any form of direct confrontation.

If he brings a chart home with him tonight, it will go straight in the bin and thats where any further charts will go too. If they have a problem with that, they can contact me.

Ds responded better to a star on his chest - still does! Noticing desirable behaviour only. Its not for every one though but if your ds is anxious about getting a sad face (punished) could they just work on the positive.

Magso - Ds takes any form of disapproval extremely personally ie a sad face = teacher doesnt like him.

He loves receiving a sticker and often does, but the school seem to be wanting to stamp out his refusal and avoidance of things he finds daunting, thereby undoing any of their good work.

Trying to talk sense to them, is like talking to a brick wall.

Sigh! Poor chap! Do you think he would manage to do things he is a bit avoidant of for a reward sticker? Could you send in some nice stickers to use for a specific situation (for instance sitting on the carpet gets a sticker to take home) to sort of show what works. ds used a carpet tile to define 'his' space (avoid crowding him out)to help him understand carpet time.

The school dont seem to realise just how difficult ds finds these things, he desperately wants to comply as he finds disapproval so difficult to cope with. He really is extremely passive, he would do anything for anyone if he could without a sticker. Its not that he wont do it, he cant do it iyswim.

Recently he sat down at carpet time, albeit not on the actual carpet, at the back, away from others, but he refused to move forward when asked and became non verbal when addressed, so got a sad face!

Now i thought that was a real achievement for him. They view it as ds 'sulking' and being 'difficult'. They take the view 'there are another 28 children in the class, who would all want a sticker for sitting on carpet' or 'we wouldnt give him a sticker, because he didnt do what was asked'

He has a ASD assessment on Monday, perhaps once he gets his 'label' the school will be a bit more patient and understanding.

Claw this is appalling. Your DS is so similar to mine and he would be horrified by this.

I don't know why he is being 'marked'. That makes no sense to him or you and it serves little purpose for the teachers.

They need educating. Have you asked for the Ed Psych to be involved? I think it sounds like s/he needs to be to give them strategies to deal with this.

I have now decided to try and move away from daily battles with unaware teachers to concentrate on getting external support or advice. For example, you could go back to your GP, explain what is happening and how crap school are and how you need to see the community paed for an initial referral asap.

The community paed will do a report to highlight some of these problems and will refer on. They should understand the social communication side of things much better than teachers and will have access to ed psych etc. They should also be able to explain the local assessment/diagnostic process.

The NAS have some good information leaflets about children with ASD at school so it might be worth forwarding them. Even if a child hasn't/doesn't get a diagnosis, it doesn't mean that these ASD traits aren't real. The LA should have information and advice for teachers about dealing with children with SCD too.

I feel your pain. DS's home/school book doesn't get read unless he hands it to the teachers. His response - Ii'm too nervous to do that. So it doesn't get read. And he needs it because he has communication difficulties - head - wall - bang - bang.....

Debs40 - I have an appointment with comm paed this month, another new one, so back to square one. Hopefully i have moved Boroughs and the paed in this Borough will be better than the previous ones. Ive had one good comm paed in 3 and half years, who knew anything about social communication disorders and she was the one who referred to ASD assessment (Monday) for which we have waited 1 and half years for! (which was made after i made my official complaint in August strangely enough). In previous Borough we had 6 monthly appointments and saw a different one each time, who had all left by the time our next appointment came!

I have lots of good info for schools from the NAS which i have read and given the school copies of. During my meeting yesterday, i referred to the SALT report which the school gave me and neither ds's TA (apparently 15 years of ASD experience), ds's learning mentor or the TAMHS lady had read it (despite me faxing her a copy, a week before the meeting)so i would guess my info is gathering dust somewhere.

I have never involved my GP, all referrals came from the HV, after i visited my GP and explained i would like to be referred somewhere about my ds's eating when he was 2 years old (all he would eat as a baby was apple and pear baby food, nothing else) which progressed to bread and butter for every meal and nothing else. She told me 'not to worry he will grow out of it'. HV referred to dietitian.

I visited her again when ds was aged 4 for a repeat prescription for anemia medication, prescribed by dietitian when he was 2 and she asked me why he was taking it. When i explained 'dont worry, im sure he will start eating once he starts school and sees the others eating' She is brilliant if you have a ear infection though!

Everyone seems to be dragging their feet with regard to dx for under 5's. Things have only started moving in the last couple of months, after i complained i suppose i need to be patient.

Would also add ds did get referred to OT, who turned out to be as good as useless, made a complaint about her too.

Ds has had 3 referrals to CAMHS turned down over the years. 4th is currently underway and should be accepted because of TAMHS involvement.

Dietitian cant help, because it is not a physical problem, she has recommended a referral to a feeding clinic, which he cant have yet, as CAMHS are the only people who can refer.

Outreach referral at school was turned down because ds's behaviour is not disruptive enough.

ASD outreach at school cant be made until he has a ASD dx.

Incontinence referral we are awaiting appointment.

The system bloody sucks!

Sorry rant over!

No, you rant. You are not getting any help or support from any service. I would seriously consider a different school if things don't change. I have thought of that myself but we are starting to see chinks of light and awareness opening up. Will be closely monitoring though.

In a way, because we have come to this late, since DS turned 6, it has been dealt with more straightforwardly and we have not had the umming and aaahing that seems to attach itself to the under 5s.

Could you ring the community paed and ask for advice/strategies/information abouth pathways etc?

Did you say you have an ASD assessment on Monday? Who is that with?

Thanks

I have a school right on my door step with an ASD unit attached to it, i will consider this school if things dont start to improve soon. You need a ASD dx and a statement to be considered for the unit, but im assuming their advice and support for children in main stream with ASD must be better.

My appointment with comm paed is on the 27th of this month and i should imagine i will be asked to wait until then, as this paed hasnt even seen ds yet?

Yes ASD assessment this Monday, with God by all accounts! well its been like trying to get an appointment with God Senior SALT and social and communication specialist.

That sounds good. They should be able to point you in the right direction and give you some concrete ideas about the way forward.

www.teachernet.gov.uk/docbank/index.cfm?id=4494

This is the DOH guidance on ASD-maybe of use?

Wassuup3000 - is that DOH as in Homer Simpson guide to ASD. I think that is what the school need

Yes I meant the Department of Education and Skills-silly me! ;)

I just got from my sons teacher (year one). "He seemed to be a bit distant today but he played in the new theme in the role play area". Seems harmless enough but she is trying to convince me that he can play imagintatively as in pretend play. Then she says "Tell Mummy what you did today"-er yeah right no answer to that one. So I asked him in front of his teacher what the new role play was -no answer. I have tried telling her that he doesn't tell me anything he does at school. Does she start to tell me what the role play area was now. No she starts to walk off. Anyway instinct told me it would be something he was interested in. So I guessed and I was right it was a topic very close to his heart he likes computer games which have Galaxies in and the new theme in the role play area was a Galaxy. Oh well!! Have a good weekend