Do you ever feel like you don't belong anywhere?

[5inthebed]

I've been kind of avoiding the SN section for a while, as have felt that I don't belong here, that DS2 isn't "disabled" enough for me to be allowed to moan on about him and to get advice about tuff .

Mostly because he is in MS school. I know, I know, it' a silly reason. I think I've been trying to brush his autism under the carpet, pretend to myself that he isn't as bad as I've made out because he is going to a "normal" school with "normal" children that there are no problems and everything is fine.

But the truth is, I do need to post here. I do need to know that what he is/isn't doing is normal and I certainly need to support others going through what I have been through. DS2 is disabled, he is hard work, he is that child that most children avoid on the playground because he makes weird noises when excited.

I have no other parents on the school yard I can talk to about DS2 as he is the only one with an ASD that goes to that school. I sometimes have pangs of regret about sending him to MS school because nobody undertands why I get upset about forgetting his packed lunch. I just don't belong anywhere!

Sorry for the little rant/feeling sorry for myself, it's been one of those days. Feel a bit better for blurting this out.

5in, many of ushave kids in ms- both of mione have been orare (ds3 inn snu now, ds1 ms but..... fingers crossed)

I know how you feel,I am very isolated at school and also at home, as wecan'thave[people hereusually. We've been bullied out of a big thing wedo as well, and I think a lot of that issn related. Wellall in fact but hey ho.

Course you belong here: MS orSNU depends as much on parental choice, LEA or nature ofsn as it does severity IME

I've been trying to get up the courage to post here too . Dd4 has a congenital heart condition but to the untrained eye most people don't realise (apart from her delightful blue tinge ). I feel very much in the middle, we don't face the struggle (ie diagnosis and help)
that many of you have yet I still have the rounds of meds, hospital appointments etc.

'. I was really referring to the quirkiness of mild autism'- tyhat massively dismisses the complex needs of many with mildreasd; I would cheerfully suggesta chat with Amber about how herAS affectsher, orreading afew of my posts about AS ds1. The quirky thing works againat many kids getting thesupport they actually need, and represents only a small part (if vocal) of the opinions of those on the spectrum

When I wasatschool in theseventieswe hada childofsimilarlevel CP toRiv'sDD (some language though mostly impossble to understand)- forsome of usinclusion is the norm unless actiovely foughtagainst; here you won't get SNU withoutatrialstint in ms unlessyou areextremely severelydisabled- I know VI kidswith gdd andasd who did infants in MSandthatsa norm

2shoes just didntwant to ignore you, so saying your name

(ds4b hidden specs, apols for typing)

I'd give anything for my ds (mild/moderate ASD expected to "move up spectrum" whateverthefuck that means) to be normal, boring, unexecptional etc - I know with 100% certainty he would have a much happier life.

notholly usually they mean hfa kids gain coping skillsasthey growup soseem more NT.

I'd love for my kids to be NT, I have2 sn andtwo nt (one of those with SEN) andI know which ones I feel worry for

5inthebed, 2shoes, please feel you are welcome here: this forum is for all of us, there should not be any "competitive disability" stuff - we all have enough to deal with, in our heads and our lives, and I see this as a safe place to ask about and discuss things to do with sn and sen.

Sorry didn't come bac to this earlier. Have had a few problems at home and poorly kids/DH.

2shoes, I find a lot of your advise really usefull, even though you don't have a child with ASD. If I have ever ignored something you have posted, it has not been intentional.

I didn't mean I had stopped posting here as I saw my ds2's disability as "lesser" than some on here, there should be no level on here. What I meant was that I had avoided it, sort of burying my head in the sand and hoping things would go away. Hope that makes ssense.

I feel ignored and isolated on here, 5in. Not, I am sure deliberate, but saying "cortical dysplasia, epilepsy, GDD, (now likely) Sensory Processing Disorder" meets . Saying "autism" or "asd" meets

I start threads and they get one or two replies. I contribute to threads, but have to make the disclaimer that DD is not ASD.

But then, how can you respond to the fact that the ed psych doesn't know whether DD should go to MS or SS, because she is complicated and she has never met a child like her before? If she doesn't know, how am I meant to?

I think you sum it up lou, when you say
"because she is complicated and she has never met a child like her before?"
imo that is my problem dd just doesn't tick any boxes on this topic. too old for the statemant ones,
too disabled for the mild ones.
and so on, but I want to join in and post on threads, sometimes you can just give a random tip that will help, surely the dx can sometimes be irelevant.
I remember a while back posting cos I was having terrible trouble with dd and her stander, I really though that because so many people posted about meltdowns that I would get useful advise as to how to deal with it, but people couldn't see beyound the word stander sadly I still need help but don't ask now...
what I am trying to say (badly) is why does there have to be a them and us, either on here or in rl, at the end of the day we are all in the same boat, just for some the sea is rockier,

2shoes, please ask the questions. I might have some way of answering, which would make me feel more included. I see you as one of the main posters on SN. Funny how we see ourselves, and others see us.

Did you get any further re: 6th form for your DD? I remember you were battling to try and keep her in the current provision, but the LA wanted to move her?

thanks for that
no that fight is ongoing, have to wait another year untill I can tell them why she shouldn't be moved(next anual review)

A year to gather evidence, and get firm feet for stomping then

"surely the dx can sometimes be irrelevant"

I really agree. The thing is, sometimes I will post on a non-ASD one, and cos I don't know anything about the condition - CP or GDD or whatever - my advice is a) useless and b) irrelevant (and I have been a bit and when the OP has made that clear, either by ignoring it or by slamming it). I think that's why people don't contribute if they're unsure: they don't want to get it wrong and this isn't a 'hugs, hun' kinda site -we usually say something or say nothing.

I will always post on something about statementing or DLA cos I know about them but do worry about other topics that I know little about.

I suspect most posters on SN feel like that, seems to come with the territory. As even if people seem to be part of a majority on here (parents to kids with an ASD DX), there's so much difference between invidual kids etc, and their circumstances re:schooling, family support etc, that people will still feel on the outer limits as it were.

maybe we all just need to work harder to be more inclusive, perhaps a few random chatty threads would help.