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Today I had the joy of being on a course with some vile people

15 replies

5inthebed · 11/11/2009 19:59

I've started going to a few course ran by the local Sure Start, ds3 in creche, older two in school, some lovely time to myself. Last week I started a Christmas Craft course, a bit naff, but fun all the same. I only know two people on this course, and the others know nothing about ds2 having ASD and dyspraxia.

Anyway, as women do we were taling about pregnancies and births, and I realised that some women are so small minded when it comes to disabilities. This one woman was talking about having to have tests when she was pregnant because he was at risk of having one of "those downs babies" and that because she was high risk but needle phobic she decided not to have the amnio, but to wait until she saw the face when the baby was born. "There was no way I would have kept him if he had those eyes" and "he'd have gone straight to social services" were just two of her comments. A couple of others then went on to say how they wouldn't want an autistic child because they can't be loved or give you love back.

Made me feel so and . I really had to bite my tongue, but couln't at the end and told them about their small minded opinions and that I happened to have a son with autism who was very much capable of giving me a cuddle and loved me just as much as any other kid would. Made for a very uncomfortable atmosphere for the rest of the afternoon, but I bet they'll think twice about talking about that around me again.

Not even sure I want to go back tbh. But if I don't then I'll be stuck indoors thinking that I'm being talked about at the next group.

How can people think like that? Really? I know I'm only looking at it one sided as I have to live with it on a day to day basis, but some of their comments were just vile. They saw it as a laughing jokey conversation as well, not a serious one. Lets all poke fun at disabled kids, because we are vile.

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sickofsocalledexperts · 11/11/2009 20:23

Yes, 5, I think these people take this week's award for Vilest, Most Ignorant Personages (my own special sickofsocalled experts VMIP awards). You were brave and right to speak out - they probably won't change their opinions (too thick) but they may just think again before talking like this. And wouldn't it just be karma if that silly woman actually did learn what it's like to look into her disabled child's eyes at birth... and fall in love! Don't let them get to you, they are arseholes. And I too have an asd son at mainstream and often feel like a fish out of water at the school gates. But I have, by trial and error, found a couple of nice, generous-spirited mums, and I stick with them. Anyone who is prejudiced against a child or adult on the grounds of disability, race, religion, colour - anything other than the person themselves - is not worth a fucking candle.

teatank · 11/11/2009 20:27

5inthebed i know where your coming from. when i was pregnant i refused to have any blood test done because no matter what the outcome my ds was always going to be wanted. the response when i told people was atroshish. they would say things like you might end up with a downs ect. i was also called selfish i would rather be selfish than vile. you did well sticking up for your child and trying to shame them.

5inthebed · 11/11/2009 22:14

Thanks Sickof. I've replied on my other post about the school gates, but your words are very assuring that I'm not alone.

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busybeingmum · 11/11/2009 22:33

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waitingforgodot · 11/11/2009 22:40

5inthebed
good for you! You should be proud that you spoke out and hopefully nipped that in the bud. There are awful ignorant people everywhere and they shouldn't be allowed to get away with comments like that. You need to go back and be polite and friendly and see what happens.

momijigari · 11/11/2009 23:29

Well done for speaking up.

I think you should go back, sometimes people do need their eyes opened, maybe if they get to know you they will actualy learn to be more accepting? Don't treat them as they would treat you?

Maybe that is easier said than done, if you can't face it, don't do it - at least you made them think a little.

I would probably persevere, even if I thought it was almost pointless.

If you did have some fun, then I would focus on that?

I am not entirely sure I agree, but some people think it is better to be talked about than not talked about!

5inthebed · 12/11/2009 07:39

I'll be going back, as it was quite fun doing something different and child free (sounds awful that). But when you don't work and all you do is look after kids and fret about the smallest of things, then I thinks its needed.

Sod them, I'm going to go back and act as if yesterdays vileness never happened. Smile sweetly and make them feel uncomfortable.

I wouldn't be surprised if the ure tart worker who was there didn't pull them and tell them off about their convo.

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sarah293 · 12/11/2009 07:56

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borderslass · 12/11/2009 08:11

That sort of thing really annoys me good for you for saying something, come to think of it thats what my stupid MIL is like she told my son on one of her last visits 3 years ago (she lives 2 streets away) that he didn't love her because he wouldn't give her a cuddle,my answer was that he doesn't even give me a cuddle her reply 'but I'm his granny' WTF I'm his mother. But she told us years ago when I asked about her sister who hubby's cousin and aunt mentioned that we don't talk about her because she's not normal, made me so angry because my son was young and showing signs of ASD.

PheasantPlucker · 12/11/2009 11:36

I went to a school mothers book group. Once. 5 of the women held the same views as these vile women. I sat getting really uncomfortable until the (lovely) woman I went with, who knows my dd1, made some really good comments.

At the end when I left one of the women said to me 'will you be coming next time' to which I responded 'I shouldn't fucking think so, do you?' which was really childish! But fuck em, I was so furious, so upset, and felt so alone.

PheasantPlucker · 12/11/2009 11:36

Was getting angry about it all over again....

MumOfThreeMonkeys · 12/11/2009 17:35

good woman, go back and hold your head up high. twat's!

HelensMelons · 12/11/2009 17:43

Good for you for speaking up - total admiration, I would probably have been too scared x

magso · 12/11/2009 17:58

Good on you for speaking up and going back!
I used to think a lot of ignorant talk comes from fear and ignorance.
I was waiting at our lovely patient barbers with ds (long story getting him able to tolerate a quick cut) clutching a library book on autism as it happened - ds was newly diagnosed. The barber was with his previous client trying ( without success) to make conversation. This mans carer told him he did not join in conversation because he was autistic. The barber asked him what that meant and to my utter horror the carer said oh he has mental behaviour!!! I was so shocked I could not speak although I did explain once the 2 men had left.

5inthebed · 13/11/2009 18:29

Magso thats terrible, especially coming from his carer.

PP, how horrible for you

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