what would you do??

[devientenigma]

My son used to go for 4 hours respite per week. The social worker also wanted for him to go to residential respite starting with tea visits and building up to overnight stays.
After the first tea visit he wouldn't access his carer's and a lot of major other problems were encounterd at home. He then went for a second visit and things took a turn for the worst where he wouldn't leave the house.
The social worker rang today saying if he's not accessing the weekly care and not happy with the residential house both will be stopped.
The question is do I let my son go downhill and force him to go or do I leave him happy and the family have no respite.
Son is down syndrome, SLD, challenging behaviour, heart and lung problems, sight and hearing problems, SPD, diagnosed traits of ADHD, ASD, OCD and ODD.
What would you do TIA x

Could you ask for a different form of respite? Perhaps someone coming to your house and you go out? Or taking your DS out for a trip to the shops, or whatever? I can't imagine it should be as simple as all or nothing. SS should be able to come up with something a bit creative, surely?

I would probably push it on the basis that you may never get the respite back once it goes and you need respite. Agree that SS should be able to think of something, maybe with the respite person starting off at the house with your son and then gradually building up to son going out to respite place.

Must be really hard, I feel for you.

don't know if it helps, but dd took ages to settle in at overnight respite(she was 6 when it started) but I did force the issue as I needed it, she did settle but it took a while

Can I just add ds is nearly 9 though developmentally 18 month. The 4 hours respite has been for over 5 year with the same carer.
I must also add it's my and my youngest daughterwho need the break more than the rest of the family.Cheers.

Hi, I don't understand (think I need more coffee) but from what I understand he has been going for respite for over 5 years and now you are trying to extend it to overnight respite rather than just a few hours, right?

So if he has been happy with the carer all these years and has been used to going to her for only a few hours, and if he is dev at 18th months, maybe he found the change a little confusing and upsetting.

He has been used to it being just a short visit for so long, he probably doesn't understand why things are changing.

Maybe the change has to be even more gradual with tiny extensions.

I think his social worker is being really unreasonable to be honest. She should work with you on a solution rather than trying to stop the respite that you and your little daughter really need.

I would NOT let the respite stop.

Any chance the regular carer could have him overnight? Its called Family Link here, where a disabled child goes to a carer's home, either for daytime periods and/or overnight.

I agree with Mojo, the change will upset him, maybe a more gradual change would make it easier (so maybe an extra half an hour at a time), maybe back the changes up with some pictures/photo's (this works for dd2, i'm not sure if it works for your ds).

I think you need to keep it up, stopping it altogether may upset him more.