Home educate anyone

[debs40]

I'm getting soooooo low about school. Does anyone home educate?

DS has come out every day this week without his reading book because he hasn't remembered it himself and no one will help. Even though it's a stupid IEP target.

I've been in touch with the community paed who agreed that his eye contact/stop licking hands targets are wrong.

They won't implement any OT suggestions as he hasn't had a report and they were only made verbally. Yet, they have had a SALT report and don't think half of those suggestions are needed.

Now, he's got a xmas play. Last year he got several lines. This year, he's just part of the non-speaking group. Silly to get upset , I know but I think his teachers have low expectations of him. He is actually really confident but just because he doesn't respond like they want him to, e.g. eye contact, they don't see it.

I think with his little ways, his chewing everything, his lack of eye contact, his inability to remember please and thank you and his not clambering for their attention, they just don't like him.

Yet, they expect him to do all the other stuff on his IEP himself as he's to be gtreated no differently from anyone else.

He'd be so much better of home educated save for the mixing with other children.

Or am I just overreacting? Does anyone else HE?

sickof...I think that too. I was just saying to a friend that they all stand around scratching their heads here. Whatever service you need, no one is really at the top of their game. It's a traditional, olde worlde county town surrounded by hunting, shooting, fishing west country. People come here to retire or for an easy life. Difference is not welcomed.

Attila, I agree. This is one of the reasons I'm seriously considering al options. The fact is that even with a statement, this might not be the right school. Who wants to send their child to a school were they are so lazy they can't be bothered to look into these things, and where their only conception of well-being is academic progress?

So PippinJo, I totally get what you mean about "All I know what it means to me is that they treat my son with the respect that each and every other child gets...fairness". My friend, who is a teacher said to me today that by their actions they are making him different. I think they expect the same from him in everything he can't do, but then lower their expectations of him. He is, for example, perfectly confident if you give him the chance and is on reading books several levels lower than his ability.

Someone on here once said schools don't like increasing their number of registered SEN children as it appears on their reports and puts prospective middle class pushy parents off. Mmmm, I wonder.....

So there's lots to consider. Not just a statement, but the right school, or area, or HE.

The sad thing is that his teacher last year said she loved having him in her class. No chance of that this year

I meant to add that another friend whose eldest has just left this school said that there was a little girl at the school with cancer a few years back. She had ten months off and returned to no plan, no support, no extra assistance depsite the fact that she was obviously behind. The parents moved schools.

OfSTED reports, though by no means 100% accurate, are a good start with regards to SEN-suitability. They will often write about inclusivity and always write about what they call the 'outcomes' for 'vulnerable groups' - SEN, looked-after children etc. It's a good start - go on the OfSTED website and you can put in your postcode and it will list your local schools. Also, find out if there's a local autism outreach service/ parent support group and ask to speak to the leader - they will probably have a better local knowledge of the best ASD-friendly schools than the NAS. Good luck.

Hmmm... I'd be very wary of OFSTED reports with regard to SEN, and in fact generally.

My son's old school has an incredible OFSTED, including provision for SEN, yet none of it is true. They are woefully unequipped to deal with SENs of any kind, the Head doesn't want children with disabilities cluttering up her nice middle-class school and refuses to access relevant training for her staff. Children are expected to largely fend for themselves outside of academic work and they're all treated the same. Any 'problems' they might have are the parents' responsibility.

I've also heard recently (via a friend on the inside of ASD provision in the LEA), that this particular Head is now telling parents looking for places at her school that they have no experience of working with ASDs so their children will be better off elsewhere - this supposedly supports parents to make 'informed decisions' about where to have their children educated but in fact it relieves her of the responsibility of having to spend her budget on providing for the little buggers. I know of at least three autistic children who have been failed at this school so she does have experience, it's just rather crap and unsupportive.

As for OFSTED generally, I think results don't necessarily reflect a school's ability to provide for children but the Head's ability to hoodwink the inspectors. Several education professionals I've spoken to agree with this. Like a lot of education policy, it's just words on paper and bears little relation to actual fact.

Debs, if you want to talk HE some more feel free to CAT me. My son's made incredible progress since we deregistered last year and I only wish we'd done it a long time ago.

Thanks streaky, I might do that if you don't mind.

I did wonder about that. The teacher in his class seems to be completely determined that he is not entitled to any extra help of special treatment.

I've just drawn up a visual schedule for the morning - list of prompts for his 'jobs'.

There are EIGHT things he has to remember to do. That's a lot for any child, let alone one on the spectrum. The trouble is there are consequences if he doesn't remember - home work not marked, books not changed, communication book not read. Even for NT kids this is unacceptable.

I'm out for most of today but will check messages later. Perhaps a phone chat might be in order?

I did say that OfSTED wasn't 100% accurate , but a better starting point than doing nothing and just giving up on even attempting to find a better school.

I wish you luck, debs40, but I'm not going to contribute on this thread anymore because I think that everyone (including me) is unable to see past their own agenda and experience to advise you. People who've home-edded, and taken their child out of the stress of school, will naturally tell you it's the best thing ever. Those like me will tell you that a better school will transform your experience of school and also allow parent and child to have their own separate lives a bit. I know that some parents of children with SN send their children to school with a bit of relief for the break and I do think that being apart from J for a few hours a day means that I have more energy and patience than when I'm with him 24/7.

It's got to be your decision but I'm getting very frustrated (and always do) about the idea that a child would be withdrawn from the education system without everything being put in place first. I know I'm biased, given my job, but I think home-edders can be evangelical about the crapness of the education system and how shit teachers are, without seeing that there are good and bad of everything. HEing without trying as hard as possible to find a place and resources to make it work (i.e. a statement) just strikes me as baffling as never going abroad on holiday ever again because it rained once when you did go.

I'm sure HE is aboslutely right for many children. I'm also sure that, for many children, school could have worked.

So good luck, Debs, and I'm not trying to offend anyone. I just think that people (including me) are unable to see past their own experience to give you objective advice and I'm finding it all frustrating. I hope it works out for you.

Givememoresleep - you might find it difficult to believe how much effort I put into trying to get adequate support for my son in the five years he was educated in schools. In that time I was constantly faced by disinterest, lack of awareness, deceit and downright lies. I did have a couple of professionals onside (one Ed Psych and an autism outreach worker), but access to any support they recommended was always in the hands of Head Teachers who couldn't give a toss.

My son attended two schools, the second of which was a mainstream school with an autism base and reputedly THE school in my borough for children whose ASD wasn't severe enough for special school. Yet still he was ignored and neglected. Even after a serious incident resulting in a fixed term exclusion and lengthy discussions about what supports we used at home, and reassurances from the Head that they'd do everything they could to help him, a month later they still hadn't put a single one in place, and he was suffering horrendously.

Please don't assume that I withdrew my son from the state system at the drop of a hat without pursuing all courses of action first. My family - particularly my son - suffered for years whilst trying to access the most basic of supports. And worryingly I'm not alone - countless families could tell you the same story.

I'm pleased that you feel yourself to have more patience with your son as a result of him going to school - that really is very positive. I on the other hand found the stresses of school had such an adverse effect on my son that he was horrific in the evenings and we barely had any quality time together. Our whole lives, weekends too, were focused on keeping him calm enough to get through those six hours each day when he was being expected to get by without help.

For the record, I fully appreciate that there are good and bad schools, teachers etc. I also appreciate that I've been particularly unfortunate not to experience them personally. But please don't assume that all home edders are impatient reactionaries who don't try to make school work first. I know many, many parents who were utterly worn out with the effort of trying before eventually giving it up as a bad job.