One of the teachers is indeed musical, and we have already flagged it up as importannt for dd1.
I have huge sypmathy for her - I was similarly control-freaky when small, but in my case it was purely down to perfectionism in a way - if I could play a simple tune easily, why could no-one else? pure not being able to understand another person's perspective - can't think why dd1 is ASD
dd1's ABA consultant does liaise with music teachers, if you're interested (well, with anyone wanting to learn ABA techniques, tbh - useful in most situations!)
"The issue, of course, is that you can have extreme musicality but poor technique, and without technique you cannot progress and you cannot do what you want to do musically. And technique of course can only be acquired through practice and an ability to show and be shown" - this is dd1's issues in a nutshell. and I know we can eventually get ehr past them, but it will be slow (and probably painful!)
On the self-teaching front, I did actually teach myself the violin - not very well, admittedly, but I did alright, and could tackle basic stuff well. It was about my 5th instrument - I was scarily musical without even realising that it didn't come easily to most people. I taught myself to read music at 6 ish, and played the recorder form then on. Took up the oboe at 9, with lessons. Added in anything I cam across after that point - so played the violin for a bit at 11 ish, as found one cheap in a junk shop, and learnt the bagpipes at 14, for somehting to do one summer In between dabbled with whatever I had access to - my music teacher commented, during my GCSE mock sightreading exam, that she had not been sure what instrument I was going to walk through the door with (my oboe was in need of a major overhaul that I couldn't aford at that point, and so I went with a bass recorder, having toyed with flute and clarinet as options!)
There is no way I'd have been able to learn the violin without prior musical knowledge, i don't think, though, and my mum had played violin too, so was able to answer any questions I had...