Back to work...

[badkitty]

Been back at work 3 weeks now (3 days a week), which is all going well - DS loves his nanny and is very excited to see her in the morning, they do all sorts of fun things. I am enjoying the break and vague feeling of normality returning. But I am finding it v. hard to know how to respond to people asking about DS. It is a big office and evidently most people don't have a clue what happened around his birth, why would they. So for instance I just bumped into someone in the lift who asked me how it was going being back, and how was the little one doing, so I said its fine, he's doing well (which is not technically a lie as, given his problems - oxygen deprivation, CP etc etc, he is doing really well) - then he said how old is he now and I said 10 months, and he was like, oh I bet he's up and about now isn't he - is he pulling himself up and stuff - and I didn't really know what to say so I mumbled something like "Erm no, he had some problems at birth so is a bit behind with stuff like that" (a bit behind - total cop out obviously) - bloke looked a bit shocked and then I was desperate to say something so said "Oh but he's commando crawling though!" Now that has made me feel crap for the rest of the day - on the one had I think I should have the guts to just say he has CP (one of these days I will have to I suppose) but on the other I am too scared of people's reactions (not meaning that I think they would be negative, just really awkward etc) and I just don't want to have to face this sort of thing every blimming morning!!!

i think our situations are quite simelar, ds is nearly 14mo and has cp. everyone at work is like how is he etc.
my general response is, hes as well as he can be, given his cp and all. some people are just shocked and some are sympathetic, and some just dont know where to put themselves, so i usually follow up with, hes saying a few words, hes sociable, and he has me and his dad totally around his little finger.
i think if they see you being positive abou his condition then its less of a big deal, get the cp word out, its really liberating, and i found it less scary.

6 yrs on i still sometimes get stumped when colleagues ask about the boys, i work in a huge site & although i know people by name or site don't know many of their personal details.

Occasionaly there is an awkward silence, usually from me, on the whole people are great. Its amazing how many people have shared their sn experiences with their own children, nieces, nephews or siblings once i tell tehm about ds2.
I'm thinking of starting a SN club at work

I think you're right - I need to get the word out at the moment I just can't bring myself to say it!

It would probably be nice actually to hear that other people experiences of SN, I suppose that there are more out there than I realise - after all its not like we all walk round with a sign on our heads (even though I feel like that sometimes!)

pumpkin that is so cool that your DS is saying a few words, absolutely fantastic.

no mummy or daddy, its dog, doggy shoes (which is more dooos) but he'll get around to it eventually i'm just over the moon that he's trying to communicate. he was written off big style when he was first born, didn't think he'd make it off the vent, then wouldn't survive 48 hours, well hes proved them all wrong and i couldn't be prouder!

I work in a small office just down the street (!) so EVERYONE knows about DS, SO NO REAL AWKWARDNESS. (sorry not shouting)

I like the response made by another MNetter.
'how is LO' Fine
'how old is he now' ?months
'bet you can't turn your back on him now' No not really (accompanied by knowing smile)
'is he walking?' No (big smile)
'crawling' No (another big smile)
'commando crawling/talking/grade 8 piano/reading complete works of Shakespeare'
No.
'why not?'
Coz he has CP (if you want to tell them) or my fave 'Coz he doesn't want to yet!'

Tell them as much as you feel comfortable whenever you are ready to. You don't have to justify anything to anyone.
However, it is my experience that people are generally well meaning and interested, just don't know what to say and worry about saying the wrong thing.
If its a big office, odds are that someone will have experience/knowledge of what you've been through.

I remember going back to work feeling like I'd been off for 50 years given all the trauma around my dd's birth (also starved of oxygen, borderline CP). Everyone had been told that my dd had learning difficulties so it was very hard explaining that this was not actually the case and it is physical etc. Nobody really wanted to ask about dd and I felt quite sad about that tbh. It made me realise that it was time to get another job too which has been a positive thing!

Hope things feel better for you at work soon badkitty. In my experience you just have to tell one person what is going on and it will be around the office like wildfire (I think they were very bored in my last workplace!)