parents evening - both my boys need me to get my act in gear

[starfish71]

Am very upset and am struggling to know what to do first. DS1 is 11 (today) and has a dx of dyspraxia and very bright and capable has always had social communication problems but he has come a long way - due to start secondary next sept. DS2 is 5.10 and is being assessed for autism and has some learning delays. Ed physch is coming in next month to observe etc and Austim outreach teacher and OT are involved at moment. All very hard and I have hardly slept for weeks. Had parents evening for both boys last night and again is hard to hear how ds2 is 'doing his own thing' etc and how they are finding it all very 'interesting' but are assuring us that they will do all they can to help ds1 and he is making some progress when they are able to engage him in an activity. I must admit ds1 seems to really like his teacher and on the whole seems happy. Now after this we went along to see ds1 teacher and yes he is having no problems with his work, has the reading age of 15 year old, very bright etc - wonderful but then she tells us his communication skills are quite bad and how she is worried how other children, teachers will react to him when he is up comp and also how blunt he is with other children in the class now. She actually said 'i wouldn't be surprised is someone gave him a thump when he goes up to comp'. (!!) She does see how alot of the time he doesn't even know he is doing it and the effect it has on other children. DS1 did have a referral to CAMHS after his dyspraxia dx and the chap we saw down there said he thought as ds1 was so bright that any further dx would hinder him. I have rang up cAMHS today and asked the nurse to ring me back (ds is still in system until jan so I can ring if there was any problems settling into year 6) I am really worried for both of my boys and want to make sure I am doing right by them. DS1 teacher thought he is probably borderline AS (as we have been told before) but do I push for a more formal assessement?

Thank you if you have read through this - it is hard at the moment and I am not coping very well. But I know if I don't push for them both then no one will

''i wouldn't be surprised is someone gave him a thump when he goes up to comp'. (!!) Cow!
HOw's that supposed to help?

Hugs, I feel sopme of your pain- I have 4 boys: ds1- AS; ds2- under asessment (or rather stalled assessment as SENCO not pulling weight) for dyspraxia; ds3 autism.

What interventions are being used with him,and what support? you may find that by using social stories etc you can solve the worst of the issues.
However, there are a few other routes open:

1. a formal dx- this need not hinder him in any way if handled well. Indeed, it can be the reverse and quite confidence boosting. If he's really at risk if comebacks at school then that woudl be worth considering.

1. You could take a non diagnostic route that looks at the behaviours rather than the cause- something such as BIBIC may help, they'd happily see him (theya re a charity absed in Somerset). You'd need to give them a call and speak to someone, but theya re very good at dealing rather than explaining IYSWIM? I've also found them helpfulwith getting a DX anyway. they have a website- don't be put off by the BIBIB acronym, they're an old(ish_ chaarity and now take anyone with SLT, dyslexia upwards (and no dx needed either so you amight take ds2 along also)

Good luck

Thank you bobbingforpeachys - ds1 has a bit of support of school - just in being able to use computers etc for work and they tell me they do try and tell him when he has 'overstepped the mark' but I still have the strong feeling from school that because he is so bright that he must realise his communication is not always approriate. I have had a quick look at BIBIC and have ordered the DVD to get a proper look at what they do. Have to be honest I feel having a dx of AS would probably help him going through secondary school (as long as support was there of course) but my brain isn't firing on all cyclinders at the moment so don't trust my own judgement! I am trying to keep it all in prospective and as my DH said last night they are still our boys and we have to be strong for them - but it is hard and I will be honest and say that I feel everyone must be thinking I am a terrible mother as both boys have difficulties. I know this is completely irrational and that feeling will pass but it hurts.

We are currently doing statutory assessment and I can't sleep either as every day brings another professional I have to deal with - prepare for - debrief to DH after etc. It does become all consuming.

Have you thought about social services assessment and if could offer you any support / respite payments / sitter service so you could get a break. Am waiting to see if we will get offered anything so can spend some time with non ASD children by getting a sitter for DS for few hours at weekend

Would getting AS dx would open any doors eg any specialist AS secondary schools / units (private or LEA) near you - or schools which are hard to get into where you could jump the queue - that would make getting a dx worthwhile? eg smaller schools, smaller class sizes, better SN provision / discipline etc.

Think CAMHS would need to keep on books until safe transition into year 7 with proper transition plan etc.

Do you get any social skills group work via Outreach or Speech Therapy?

Is there an AS support group - other parents may be able to give you some pointers about schools etc where likely to be better at supporting your oldest next year + social activities. I went along to NAS before I knew if ASD or not and found it useful and welcomed even without a diagnosis.

Thank you grumpyoldeyeore - it does help knowing I am not on my own and I will go through your list of suggestions - keep thinking to myself that I am not strong enough for all this but have no choice as no one is going to do it for me. Though it really helps getting support and feedback on MN. Just had the Autism outreach teacher come to the door (she got dates mixed up - having meeting tomorrow) she is coming to chat about ds2 but I mentioned ds1 again and she will arrange to pop in and do an observation on him in school and give me her thoughts. Now I have to shift myself and get on with organising DS1 birthday tea before its home time! Thanks for listening -will continue to post