8yr old DD - behaviour, learning , everything ... i need some help and support!!!

[victoriafaye71]

Hi everyone, this is my first ever posting on anything like this. I was just hoping that there are other mums who have had or are having the same problems that i am and can help me out! Please!!!!
My daughter has just started Yr 3 in junior school - different school to infants. 2nd week and i have been asked to meet teacher as they have concerns! i have had concerns the last 8yrs about her development and behaviour and learning. She is the oldest in the class but the most immature. At home she has tantrums like a 2 year old and is always angry, frustrated and cries and everything this has been worse since the summer. She constantly goes on about the same thing and needs constant reassurance. At school she has friends and is happy and sociable. She has always been late in reaching her milestones and when she was about 3 she was diagnosed with global developmental delay and that was it. i was told she will catch up. i dont think she has caught up and actually thing the gap is getting bigger between her and her peers.
Her reading is, i would say is at yr 1 level and she cannot write a sentence. At the infant school she was on an IEP and i had many meetings with school etc and last year she did have an informal assessment for dyslexia which was inconclusive as could not rule out that problems were just developmental. They always reassured me that she was making progress and i was doing all that i could do. But i always had a niggle in my head that there is more to this. Nobody has ever said that she has "special educational needs" but i know that there is something wrong. She has had genetic tests which were clear. She had these done as she was born with and still has a very large head, she is very small for her age. I just dont know what else to do. It makes me sad to think that she is struggling at school as she might not be getting the help that she needs because nobody is taking this seriously. Am i overreacting and expecting too much from her? All i want is her to be happy and know what i should expect from her.
Thanks for reading this long message ( i have left loads out!!!)
Any help /advice/ support greatly appreciated.
Thanks

Firstly, as it sounds tough. I'm afraid I'm not in the UK so can't comment on schools, but have you ever discussed with your GP? Sounds a bit flippant to say GDD and leave it at that!
Anyway, bumping for you as hopefully someone with more experience will be along.

My DD is 13 and has just started her secondary level education. Every morning and evening is a nightmare, homework is a screaming match and can take hours. She has dyspraxia and ADD and am seriously thinking of Ritalin at this stage as am stressed and worried beyond belief. Hate the thought of medication, but has anyone any experience of this or alternatives?

Firstly to avoid confusion i have changed my nickname from victoriafaye71 to daisycake!

Meeting with teacher was encouraging as they told me what support she is already having which was good. Teacher is to arrange a meeting for me with SENCO and told me to not to hold back on my concerns etc as this would be the only way to get the one on one support she needs. Apparently her main problem is Audio Sequential Memory. I will also be pushing for the Educational Psychologist to assess her again as it has been nearly 4 years since her last one. Apparently she is happy and well behaved at school and tries really hard. Bless her!

Thanks mumslife for your message - what you say about your son sounds very familiar! How did you get the diagnosis of aspergers and dyslexia for your son? Everytime i mention anything about autism/aspergers the teachers always say "No way she hasnt got anything like that" for the reasons that she has friends and is sociable and has good eye contact etc. It is interesting what you said about your son having heightened senses. My daughter has always been very sensitive to touch especially on her head - does that sound odd?! She hates having her hair brushed and screams when i do it.

I saw my GP today for myself and she said my blood pressure was raised - unsurprisingly! so i ended up having a quick chat with her about my daughter and she said that i should get a CAMS form completed which i will need to get from health visitor. Not really sure what it is.

GDD is a very broad diagnosis which would require the EP to assess so you knew what your daughters full needs are. Do inisist on this. Whilst its easy to see a speech or developmental coordination delay, auditory processing difficuluties and cognigative delay are not so easy to spot without being properly assessed.
Sensory processing can also be affected which is why your daughter is sensitive to touch on her head.
The tantrums will also fit in with GDD diagnosis.
However girls with Aspergers can appear socialble and can have good eye contact (the eye contact is a bit mis leading anyway as this children can have a ASD without their eye contact being affected but even some "professionals" still think to have Aspergers a child must have poor eye contact) becuase they can be a little better than boys socially.
It may be worth going to your GP with your concerns and asking for a 2nd opinion.

Daisycake,

Would return to GP and ask GP for a referral to a developmental paediatrician. Your DD should be seen further by such a person in any event as they can diagnose.

This CAMS form you refer to I am a bit confused about - was GP meaning CAMHS?. Don't also see either why you need to obtain such a form from the HV.

It sounds like she is bottling up all her frustrations of the school day; it sounds like she is just about coping with the rigours of junior school (which can be a tough ol' place in its own right).

Talk to the SENCO too, ask this person for your DD to be seeing the EP as soon as possible.

Re this comment of yours:-
"Everytime i mention anything about autism/aspergers the teachers always say "No way she hasnt got anything like that" for the reasons that she has friends and is sociable and has good eye contact etc".

Sigh. The subjects of ASD/Aspergers/dyslexia/dyspraxia are not widely taught at teacher training college; I would not be taking any notice of any teacher who says that to you. They cannot make such snap judgments, apart from anything else they are not medically qualified to make such pronouncements either.

TBH I'd get the ball rolling myself by applying personally to your LEA to see if they will agree to your DD being statemented particularly if SENCO is using the words "one to one support". Its the only way she'll get one to one. Chances are they will say no but you can appeal their crass decision in the event that happens. You do not need either schools permission or a diagnosis to do this.

www.ipsea.org.uk have model letters you can use.

You are your child's best - AND ONLY - advocate. Never forget this.

thanks attilla, i so wish i had posted on here before as i have received such good advice. You put your faith in the people who supposed to "know best" but they don't and like you said i am the best advocate for her - it is just so hard though to know what to do and where to go.
I think my GP did mean CAMHS as she mentioned about getting emotional/behaviour counselling for DD and us as a family.
Thanks for advice about going direct to the LEA - i will do that.
DD was assessed by the Child Development Centre when she was about 3 and it was them who diagnosed GDD and then discharged her! We are waiting for an appt for a Visual Tracking Assessment back at the Child Development Centre so I will see if I can push for another assessment of her as a whole.
I am feeling much more positive and so far so good - dd has been a lot calmer since we got home from school. She is exhausted though after a long week but hopefully we can have a happy weekend.

"I think my GP did mean CAMHS as she mentioned about getting emotional/behaviour counselling for DD and us as a family".

Hi daisycake,

Re your comment above my response was, "Oh gawd, not them!!". Sorry but CAMHS can be a bit hit and miss (would look at previous threads re this lot, they are good in some localities but rubbish and unhelpful in others) and can take an absolute age to do anything. BTW the GP could refer you to CAMHS.

However, I would still ask the GP about a re-referral to a developmental paediatrician at the CDC. Actually she saw them before, she certainly should be seeing them again asap. Given a straight choice between CAMHS and the CDC I would go for the CDC.

You will need to be both persistant and proactive. Make them listen!.

(BTW my son has both language and developmental delays and I got him a Statement. It has done him a power of good).

Have a good weekend and don't give up!!

Attila

Thanks mumslife, i've always thought that my dh (dd's dad) has a mild apergers, he is also dyslexic which is why i'm convinced my daughter is the same.

Attila, i have come very close to giving up and thinking that i should just accept how she is but i just never could. Always a niggle at the back of my mind that there is something up. I will phone the CDC on Monday as want to chase up the visual tracking assessment and see if they can reopen her file. We have just had a very frustrating few mins trying to help her to ride her bike without stabilisers! Even though she could do it she was too busy screaming and shouting at dh that she didnt really realise that she was doing it. She was just so angry about it and was rude - instead of seeing what we were trying to do for her she just thought we were deliberately trying to hurt her. I was only trying to see how she would get on as she started Brownies last week and they are going on a bike ride this week. Although i will let her ride her bike with stabilisers i just hope that she doesnt stand out. I have even contemplated not letting her go but she wants to and she is not bothered if she is the only one with stabilisers. She has no concept of being different to her peers which in a way is good but it upsets me. Oh well! Im just about to go through all my medical paperwork for her since she was born so that i can have all my facts and dates.
I am feeling a bit sad because i think i have let her down when i could have pushed even more but i kept being told that everything was being done and she was making good progress.