DS has 'problems' that don't match his DX. Sad, confused and frigtened about the future.

[PrimroseHall]

DS was diagnosed with mild ASD when he was 3. Apart from SLT sessions, I gave up with pursuing support for him because nobody agreed with his DX. DP never accepted the DX, and we live in denial about it. DS is 7 now and doesn't know anything about this.

I don't know what to think about his supposed ASD anymore. I don't think it fits him either, though tbh I can't even remember the triad of impairments anymore - social interraction, imagination and ?

His main problem is socialising, definitely. He's not like other children and had such problems at school that I removed him and am now teaching him at home. He wasn't really bullied, but didn't have any friends and despite my/teacher's best efforts he was lonely and sad all the time.

It's becoming increasingly harder to find opportunities for him to socialise. We share a garden with 4 other families and the children all play together in the garden. His main playmates are a 6 year old boy and a 5 year old girl, and while they were young enough to need constant adult supervision things were fine. Now they are a bit older a divide has formed and DS is no longer welcome to join in their play. The other chidren are either toddlers or teenagers so not really appropriate as 'mates'. DS goes outside when he hears the other kids out there and then I have to go and get him in when he cries because they won't play with him. He was very upset today because they told him that they've never been his friend and that he's 'stupid and rubbish' . Don't know what to do about this. It's cruel to keep him from going out to his own garden, but I can't make the other kids be nice to him - same situation as at school .

He's also become obsessed with food over the years and is getting fat. He asks for food almost constantly and is never full.

I don't know what to do. I know he's not NT and that he needs help, but where do I get that from? The last Paed. we saw (couple of years ago now) said that he didn't have ASD and was just a 'bit odd'. I don't mind him being odd as long as he's happy, but he's not happy. He wants to fit in, but hasn't a clue how to. Is there any point in putting him through asmts again at this stage? I'm worried that perhaps I'm barking mad as nobody else will admit that he's fundamentally different to other children. I don't want DS to know that I think there's something wrong with him if nothing good will come of it anyway.

"I think doing an admirable job of being sensitive to your ds's needs "

me too.

Primrose, when I deal with these issues, it's third time round for me. I witnessed my brother, then I dealt with my first child, and that's why I'm so confident dealing with my second child. You don't have that luxury.

If you would like to describe what goes wrong when your son attempts to interact with his peers, we're listening. And I promise not to say "ah here's the answer" as I know it isn't that simple. But for what it's worth I think building up your own confidence could be a huge part of the solution.

Grr, wrote huge post then it disappeared so apologies for terseness of this (eye deep in my MSc thesis as hand-in date perilously close).

Have you discussed your son's issues with school? Many operate good strategies such as 'buddy benches' at playtime. 1:1 support might be a help (althoguh many 1:1 assistants are untrained and tend to overprotect children. That might be what some parents want though.)

You strike me as quite a private person. I think you may be pleasantly surprised at how people would like to help if you only tell thme how (eg riding or sports instructors, Cub scout leaders).

Communication Passports are a superb way of doing this. Groovy user friendly documnets that describe an individual in a way a dusty old report never can. (Ignore Scope ref. on the link. Good for all. Also google more examples and images. You could make a really cool one for your ds that goes everywhere with him. I guarantee other kids would be jealous. (I know, I've seen it!)

Also, as said before quite structured activity is useful for kids who don't know the rules of social interaction (tempered by bouts of completely unstructured intense physical activity).

My ds went to a party at a martial arts centre last week. I was so impressed at the set up (a world away from the mental image of oddball loner filming himself in his bedroom messing around with a rice flail and catching himself in the knackers that I had. ).

The guy supervising the activities (centre employee)was young, fit, and masculine (boys adored him) and had them all eating out of his hand. He had however also prepared the party food and stayed around to supervise and organise it (how many blokes do that?)

The emphasis was on team work, discipline, respect, sharing, working together and so on.

I was so impressed (and I am not easily impressed by anything, least of all fly by night interventions for kids) that i damn near signed both my kids up on the spot!