I need some advice from you wise ladies about change sensitive ds.

[NinjaRain]

I dont post here reguarly as ds, whilst having various ASD type traits and OCD is not what I would consider to be properally SN. I believe the technical term is borderline plus i have foot in mouth disease and feel its best I stay clear for fear of upsetting someone. But...

I need some advice about how to deal with survival tactics for ds to get him through a period of a lot of change. He really is not coping and has had a bit of a meltdown (around 2 hours worth) due to the mention of a bit of change he has been aware of for months and is regularly being talked about. But tonight it was just too much. it has been building up and up and now it is too much So how do I take it from here? I do i deal with this.

In the next week ds has a trip to his dad's on his own (he struggles with this when a bit off and hasnt really been happy doing this since he discovered seperation anxiety but has been able to cope well for 2ish days). In a week he starts school and i start uni and mid way through Sept his aunt moves out and goes to uni. Plus there was an unexpected (he hadnt fully grapsed it was happening) trip of another family member. It is really just built up to a point where it is too much.

How do i deal with this? reassurance/keep talking about it/stop talking about it/ make it a bit of a game? Really am stuck about this and beginning to worry how it is going to proceed during the remaining time before he starts school.
I dont know if it has any inpact but he has recently started taking melatonin and it is making him very tired at the end of the day (before he takes the dose) and it is in the afternoon when he is most likely to meltdown at mo although his behaviour is a bit off at all times (usual cues: challanging / refusal to wear clothes/ hyper and hypo sensitivity etc)
Can any one provide some wise words? they would be very much appreciated. Thank you

I think ASD and OCD is SN - you're v welcome!

My son has autism and he also hates change. Something that really helps him is social stories. These are things that set out the change and how to possibly respond.

Here's a sort of (not great) example:

We are going on holiday. We will drive in the car to our holiday house which will be different from our normal house.

The house
? I will share a bedroom with Mummy.
? I must not touch switches and buttons without asking a grown up or it could be very dangerous.

Sometimes,I will be allowed to watch TV in the house.Other times,I can read or play.I will try not to fiddle with equipment in the house.
Mealtimes
? Sometimes we will eat at the house.
? Sometimes we will eat at the beach.
? Sometimes we will eat at restaurants.
? Mealtimes should be a nice time for everybody so I will try to behave well so that everybody can enjoy themselves.
? I will stay at the table as much as I can. I will try to only get up if I need the toilet.
? I will try food that is given to me and not make a fuss if I don?t like it. I will just be polite and say ?no more, thanks.?

Bedtimes
? At bedtime, I will have a bath and a story, just like I do at home.
? I will then read for a bit, just like I do at home.
? I will then go to sleep, just like I do at home.
Travelling
? The roads are different on holiday. Some have no pavements.
? I will have to be extra safe on and near roads.
? This means that I must ALWAYS hold a hand near roads.
? If I get cross, I must say that I am cross and I must keep holding hands. I must be safe.
? I will carry my own bag if I am asked to.

Going to the beach
? I need to go to the toilet before I go to the beach as the toilets are a long long way away!
? It will be fun playing and swimming.
? I also need to be very safe.
? I must stay near one of my family all the time to keep me safe so I don?t get lost.
? I can play or I can sit and read. Sometimes other people will play with me.
? I must wear sun cream so that my skin does not get burnt (though it will go a lovely brown colour in the sun ? gorgeous!).
? I must have lots and lots of fun!
Feelings.
? It is OK to feel cross or sad.
? Everybody feels cross and sad. Our family might shout or be upset sometimes on holiday.
? I might feel cross or sad. I might want to shout or run away.
? I will try to tell Mummy or another grown up in our family what I am cross or sad about before it makes me turn into Cross J!
? If I want to go and lie on my bed and be sad, that is OK. If I am out of the house, I can move away from my family and sit on my own. But I MUST stay so that my family can see me.

I WILL HAVE KIND WORDS AND BEHAVE KINDLY AND SAFELY.
I WILL TRY TO MAKE SURE THAT EVERYONE HAS FUN.

I WILL HAVE A LOVELY HOLIDAY!

That's actually not a traditional social story - they're usually quite short and focused - but it's the only one on my computer!

Anyway, I'd do something like that, with pictures if necessary and maybe a worry/question page on the back for him to write down anything he wants to discuss or is unsure of.

J finds writing easier to process than verbal stuff and needs all the change laid out in minute detail.

You this is what i have been doing but at the moment the mention of the change gets the reaction going. Kabang. I am stumped. because we have been doing this for ech aspect of change since we knew the change was happenng and he has had a few months to get used to the idea. But this is probably why i am wondering if i have overdone ti a bit and need to bck off. or... Oh i dont know. I am stumped. I supposed i should be grateful about the fact tha he has now decided he wants to go to school. That in ist self is progress. He really deoesnt like the idea tha I have a life outside of him. I gues s that it is this bit he is finding hardest at most plus he is very close to his aunt as she has been my main support and absolutel amazing with him.

(its not the conidtion but the abiltiy of handling it. Eg he is OCD but he is controllable/ He has change and sensory issues but they are under contrl tactices. Compared to what a lot of people here deal with, the situation is nowhere near close to it. I feel a fraud being here generally.)

But looking at that I should be here. Forgive my spelling I am dylseix and too tired to figure out what i should ahve writen. SOrry.

How is he with stories? Can you tell a story about another little boy who will be doing exactly what he will be doing, so he can relate to it, and POSSIBLY apply it to his own situation? Not all ASD kids can do it, but I have had success with my own son, doing this. Also, don't tell the story directly to him, but to a third party, but where he can listen in?

Its much less threatening when its happening to someone else.

SORRY givememoresleep, that's what you suggested , I should have read PROPERLY what you put first! i'd read the long list, but not what you said before .

Still, if 2 of us are suggesting it, its a good sign

Hi Ninja, I posted on the other thread

My dd is the same possible asd possible ocd and fears, she starts school next week to. I have made her a visual timetable which she has started to use and this has a school emblem on, we have also been talking about school a lot and have drove past it everyday. She does see an educational psychologist so she is going to talk to school about things that happen at nursery that they are going to continue over to school ie giving a stamp if good, if she has a meltdown removing her. She is also going to be picked up by the nursery she is at now 2 days a week after school till 5pm as she loves her nursery, she is not ready to leave, so she knows mammy is picking her up 3 days a week and nursery 2 days. We have also started talking about her fears re school and have done a social story.

It is very stressful and worrying when you know there is a change coming up but we tend to cope with lots of warning ie we have been saying for the last month in soome many days you are going to school. DD has jsut had a melt down cos we are going out so she wont be able to watch doodle bops - arrrghh!

Not sure that social stories even to other people is going to help. I made a passing remark this morning about having to just get up and get dressed when he goes to school. All hell broke lose and I have teethmarks in my arm. Not a happy bunny. Am going totry to avoid the flash words
School, uni, moving out, Homework, reading, etc.
Its a bit of a nightmare at the mo tbh.