bit of background first
ds1s father and i split when ds1 was 22m old. The relationship was not very good tbh it was total crud with him being manipulative, lying, violent, and controlling.
I raised ds1 alone until 2006 when i met dp.
However when ds1 was 3 his behaviour was not so good he would have raging tantrums, these worsened when he was 4 1/2 and had the MMR.
He is now 11 yrs old has been seen by drs, child psychologists, child psychiatrists, counsellors, learing mentor at school.
A typical day in our home (holiday time)
I will wake him up
he will have breakfast..this is when problems start...
I will ask him to wash and dress (if we are going out)
then the tantrums start and they escalate very quickly from him saying "its not fair" to "I hate you and wish you would put me in care/were dead"
I have tried many reward systems over the years and tbh i am at the point of screaming. I tried posting this on AIBU and basically have been told his behaviour is all my fault, i have emotionally damaged him, i bully him etc.
1 of the child psychologists diagnosed ODD but the one we are seeing now says no thats not the case.
We had a session the other day which was quite lengthy...3 hours to be exact. The CP spoke to ds1 for an hour or so and then ds1 and ds2 (23m) went into the bedroom to watch a film and play. Although i had been listening to ds1, the CP seems to have got inside his head and had some things to tell me.
He stated again that ODD is not what is wrong with ds1.
DS1 is fully aware of what he is doing
That to ds1 this is a game which he is actually having fun with.
He says basically ds1 enjoys having power over me, that his threats he makes - "Take me to see a psychiatrist and i will make them believe you beat me" are all to dominate me and make me back down into submission.
The same as when i was meant to go out and he said "If you go i will play up so dad calls you to come home"
I digress.
The CP believes that ds1 is far more aware than people are giving him credit for...like he is playing the fool whilst being very cunning. He also says DS1 needs to learn to take responsibility for his actions. He (ds) harps on about how hard his life is because he has to do a few chores
Load the dishwasher
bring his clothes to the machine
and clear up with ds2 when they have finished playing.
He is demanding £10 per month pocket money plus a daily payment of either 50p or a £1 i am "allowed" to make that choice.
He refuses to go to sleep, last night was awake until 1.30am and i cancelled a day out because of it.
sorry need to deal with ds2 be back soon.