sibling issue,am I being unfair to ds?

[wrinklytum]

I have an nt ds and disabled dd.

The background.My mum had a ld ds and was the oldest.She often talks about how she made herself "invisible" as a child to try to put less stress on my gp.She has a difficult relationship with my gran.Anyhow.ds ismy eldest and my dparents have recently had the dcs for a few days and mum was talking today and has said that ds has been an angel and dd has been challenging and she feels dd is spoilt because of all the attention she gets.This has left me reeling.I dunno if I am truly unwittingly favouring dd.I really try to give them equal time,I haver made a real effort to have ds friends over for playtime and sleepovers and normalise stuff for him,and taken him out and done 1:1 stuff.I am now feeling really guilty as I want them both to feel appreciated and loved equallly.DD has lots of attention cos of her sn and now i am feeling craplike ds is missing out

Don't give yourself a hard time.It sounds like you are doing a brilliant job for both of your DC.

I would just ignore it or laugh it off ' You must be crazy, how could I possibly give DS more attention without cloning myself several times etc'

Sounds as if your mum is putting her childhood issues onto your ds. Potentially.

I have a disabled ds1 and NT ds2 and ds3. The reality is sometimes ds1 needs my attention NOW and certainly more than he would if he was NT at his age. That's life. Nothing I can do about it.

I make sure that ds2 and ds3 get their own time and own space and get to do their own things. But I can't wave a magic wand and make ds1's disability disappear - we can only ever do our best in the situation we find ourselves in.

You sound as if you're doing plenty to me. Don't be too hard on yourself.