Hi there, I'm kettlechip and have ds1 - about to turn 4 and ds2 who is about to turn 2. I really could have written a very similar post to you a couple of years ago. The instant someone mentioned ASD in relation to ds1 it was like a trigger had been pushed and I was googling obsessively. The anxiety of watching his every move and analysing everything was unbearable, with the added stress of dealing with a demanding newborn.
I got some great SALT help for him, got him referred to a developmental paediatrician and had his hearing checked. These things took what seemed like forever to get in motion though, and although we referred him at 2.0, it was about 6 months later that the appointments all really started. You are so wise to get on to it now, hopefully someone will be able to reassure you but at least you'll be in the system if you do need the help.
2 years later ds is transformed, and though his language is still delayed or disordered, he is making great progress and the professionals aren't mentioning ASD any more, they're thinking more language disorder which can have lots of overlaps at a young age. I would have sworn blind he had ASD at 2.0 though. ds2 also seems absolutely fine so far, and passed the CHAT at just over 12 months, needless to say I had been practically holding my breath until he started pointing, waving etc.
Looking back I think I was on the edge of depression but somehow kept going. My DH also worked away during the week so there was little support there. He never quite shared the worry either, and that's still a bit of a sticking point between us. Communicate as much as you can with your DH is my advice, don't try to handle it all alone as it's an exhausting burden. We're all here to help, good luck and hope you've had a lovely dinner out tonight!