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normal syndrome - humour

19 replies

2under2 · 11/05/2003 14:22

This was posted on a mailing list a while ago. Written by Bob Lincoln

"Warning: this post is intended to make a serious point in an interesting way. It is not meant to offend anyone, except possibly doctors.

How to give parents a pre-natal diagnosis:

I'm very sorry, I have the results of the genetic tests and they have confirmed our suspicions that your foetus is what we call ... Normal. Some people prefer the terms "Ordinarily Challenged" or "Normal Syndrome". The syndrome can be easily identified by a complete lack of any interesting genetic characteristics. I know this will come as a shock to you, but you should be aware of what this is likely to mean.

If your foetus manages to survive the rest of the pregnancy and the birth, which is becoming more common these days, he or she will face some daunting challenges. Children who suffer from normalcy are prone to health and psychological problems. It is almost certain that the growing child will suffer a seemingly endless stream of viruses. They will frequently damage themselves, and sometimes others, from their excessive energy.

Their relentless demands will put a strain on your existing family and, of course, your relationship with your partner will suffer, and possibly end in a painful and acrimonious separation. Any children you already have, even if they also suffer from normalcy, will be jealous of the newcomer and all their extra attention. Many siblings are liable to be psychologically scarred by the new arrival.

I need hardly mention the financial consequences, although disastrous, they will be nothing compared to the emotional turmoil your life will suffer.

After a while, you may be lucky and find they can be kind and loving young children. They may find some temporary happiness in things such as music, dancing, food or playing with toys.

But if they survive early childhood, a Normal child is almost certain to grow into a Normal adolescent. Your years of sacrifice will be thrown back in your face as they become disobedient, wild and reckless. Unable to find happiness and contentment, they will treat you with contempt until they manage to leave home. Even then the suffering will continue as they will often return to try and extract money. They will blame you for their own faults and leave you bitter and twisted.

They may well become criminals, over a quarter of Normals will have trouble with the law, many will spend time in jail. Many will have problems with alcohol or drug abuse. Normal marriages are often unhappy and short and over half end in divorce.

Even if they become successful this is likely to be because of the often observed tendency of Normals towards excessive greed. The chances of them sharing their success with you are remote and they will tend to see you as an embarrasment.

Finally, Normal people are likely to die before their time. 23% will die of cancer, 33% of heart disease. Hundreds every year in this country alone are so distressed by their condition that they take their own life. I'm sorry to say that many will have had a lonely, painful and pointless existence.

I am afraid that Normal Syndrome is a genetic condition that affects every cell of the body, and so is impossible to cure.

Termination is an option.

Shall I book an appointment?

... from a parent who received a diagnosis rather like this."

OP posts:
eidsvold · 11/05/2003 14:37

thank you - that cheered me up after having my say on another thread in the pregnancy arena

Jimjams · 11/05/2003 18:50

like it- and well said on pregnancy eidsvold- I've joined you!

eidsvold · 11/05/2003 19:22

well you know women who have 'normal' babies ... what happens if something happened to their baby... accident, illness that caused some disability - what are they going to do .. take the child back and say sorry I don't want it anymore?!?!

eidsvold · 11/05/2003 19:23

oops sent it off too soon ... I was so angry and wasn't going to say anything then thought what the hell.... then had to figure how to say it nicely without provoking an argument.

doormat · 11/05/2003 19:30

Is it me but I was upset reading this as it has brought alot of feelings back? Maybe I am being a bit sensitive. I just dont know how to take this?

Jimjams · 11/05/2003 19:58

I agree eidsvold.

I was disturbed to find out that one clinic in the UK will allow embryo selection to couples with autistic children- so they will select a girl rather than boy. What happens if that girl had autism? I would hate a genetic test for autism to become available pre-natally it would make me feel sick.

eidsvold · 11/05/2003 21:21

it is bound to bring back feelings doormat....I think it puts things in perspective for me anyway ...the idea that we do it for children like my dd ( down syndrome - lots o statistics and such regarding her life) but not for normal children...

Sorry if this upset you. 2under2 would never have meant for it to be upsetting in any way.

doormat · 11/05/2003 21:35

eidsvold I know 2under2 would never intentionally hurt anyone, I didnt even think that for a minute. You know how it is when you have a special needs child. They are the most precious, loveable gifts anyone could ever wish for. I got a bit upset because as I was reading the thread I could actually see ds consultant telling me all this. (which he has)

Jimjams · 11/05/2003 21:46

I like it- as I think it shows parents of "normal" children what it means when people talk about terminating our lovely children. Now obviously that isn't a possibility for autism yet and I am very releived- and hope it never is.

SueW · 11/05/2003 22:33

eidsvold, I went through exactly the scenario you describe re' take it back' when I was pg with DD.

I went for a scan and the midwife happily pointed out legs, feet, spine etc. Then I asked for the pics she had printed and she told me I couldn't have them - they needed them for their records.

I was halfway home when it occurred to me that the reason that she wouldn't let me have them might be that my baby had no arms - she had never pointed out any arms.

I spent the next hour or so crying, scared, all alone in my flat. Maybe I should add I had just driven home from Sheerness on a transport strike day following an overnight crossing from Holland where I had left my DH at work. Within that time I reasoned to myself that I couldn't terminate a child because it had no arms -- if I had a healthy, 'normal' child and it got run over and lost both its arms at the age of 2, 5, 12, whatever, I wouldn't suggest it be put down....

My mum, whom I drove to see that afternoon, told me to phone the hospital. Friends reassured me that consultants would have been called etc if anything was out of the ordinary but I felt so happy with the decision I'd made, that I wouldn't make the calls and no-one could convince me my baby was ok until the next scan.

But even so this was my 'decision', given my circumstances and my feelings and emotions at the time. I couldn't condemn someone else for making a different decision.

If I had the choice I admit I would far rather DD didn't suffer from her condition - and so would she.

Have to say, I always feel you all think I'm a bit of a fraud posting under Special Needs because the section mainly seems to apply to those with austistic spectrum disorders or chromosomal abnormalities rather than chronic illnesses/diseases/conditions.

doormat · 11/05/2003 22:57

So this thread is about termination.
As you all know my ds2 was born with an undiagnosed condition. (severe developmental delay aswell as other probs) They never picked it up before he was born. I thank god they didnt.
When expecting ds3 we had to go and see the geneticist about our ds2. I was 7 months at the time and he never knew I was expecting another child. His words to dp and I were that if he knew he would of advised termination as the odds are our unborn child would be born like ds2.(and even though there is nothing wrong genetically)
May I say gobsmacked was an understatement and I spent a week crying. In the end I thought if that is the way he will be so be it. He would be loved and cared just like the other children. Thankfully ds3 has no problems whatsoever.

Suew I dont think you are a "fraud".

lou33 · 11/05/2003 23:00

SueW please don't feel like that, if you consider your daughter to have special needs then that's good enough reason to be posting here. You are very welcome .

Jimjams · 11/05/2003 23:04

The geneticist sounds crazy doormat!!!

doormat · 11/05/2003 23:07

Jimjams he is actually quite nice. I accept he had to give us the worst case scenario. (just in case) most upsetting at the time though.

lou33 · 11/05/2003 23:08

Incidentally, I have a webpage with pictures of Ds on it if anyone wants to look. Being a paranoid fool though, I would rather anyone who did , emailed me through mumsnet and I will send them the link with the password. I don't expect everyone to rush though don't worry!

eidsvold · 12/05/2003 13:09

ohhh doormat - it happens - we wer told we would have to have genetic counselling prior to having any more children ( dd is first and only at the moment) Dd was about 2 days old and a) i was not even contemplating sex let alone no 2. b) said i did not need genetic counselling to have dd would not need it for another and then told the doc that our chances of having another child with down syndrome was the same as us having twins and we were not letting the twin issue stop us so why the down syndrome.

Suew - you are not a fraud

i am constantly amazed when i hear how people treat parents of and children with special needs.

ThomCat · 12/05/2003 13:33

2under2 - a great post - I thought it was brilliant and echos many of my own thoughts. When people in the past attempted to feel sorry for me becuase Charlotte has special needs I'd say look I dodn't mean to be funy but all our children have special needs, some more than otheres. I could have given birth to a "normal" baby and at 16 she could have become addicted to herion, I mean how awful must that be for everyone involved. My own step-sister is addicted to a class A drug, my other sister has OCD (Obsessive Compulsive disorder) which started to show itself when she was 13.

SueW - please don't feel that anyone would think you a 'fraud'. Your little 'un does have special needs and you have as much right as any mother to be on this thread chatting with us / anyone about anything. I know what you mean though I sometimes think, God what special needs do we have really, Charlotte is fab and healthy & happy, but then I go to childrens parties and see other kids of her age & younger and realise she is a bit different to everyone else, but just as wonderful.
Lou33, I'd LOVE to see pictures. How do I go about doing so?

Jimjams · 12/05/2003 14:08

Good for you eidsvold!!!!

lou33 · 12/05/2003 14:59

Thomcat, just email mumsnet and ask to pass on your details to me I think. I'll mail you back the link. I just don't like putting passwords on display, defeats having them in the first place. Thanks for showing an interest though. I didn't think anyone would really want to look, but I am quite pleased with myself for setting it up, so needed to show off a bit!

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