Worries about DS's take on situations and how this may cause misunderstandings

[SammyK]

I will try to make this clear and concise but fear I may waffle!

DS has AS (he is 5 in Oct) and was having a bad day yesterday, he had an emotional melt down and was saying (and has been on and off for a week now at different times). 'You hurt me' 'You have taken my whole world away' 'You made me cry' 'I'm dead' 'You are such a meany peg' and so on. He is very dramatic.

This is usually when we are going out, turning telly off, putting trains away, saying he can't have a 4th beaker of milk, etc. Nothing major to the outside world but a huge injustice to ds. Yesterday he was in such a state I sent him to his room to simmer down (which did work).

I am worried he is going to tell someone I have 'hurt' him and I will get in trouble! He gets all muddled telling people things, his understanding of time is bad, and of situations obviously and can't answer open questions very well - he usually just answers with 'I don't know'.

He will say I have hurt him if I am doing one of his things he is hyper sensitive to but needs doing such as brush his hair, cut his nails. Or if I try to guide him to/away from something (gently by the hand) and he doesn't want to. Or yesterday I am prettysure just to make me feel bad, for example he gt off my knee and my knee brushed the small of his back, he threw himself on the floor 'you have hurt me and made me cry'.

Pease reassure me!

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Hi,
My dd is 8 and has AS and used to behave very much like your ds. It was particularly bad during bathtime, due to her sensory issues. When I washed her hair, she would scream 'Please, no, don't hurt me' etc -I was petrified at what the neighbours would think!

However, this has improved as time as passed. Although she still has the sensory issues, her reactions are less emotional -ie she still cries, but doesn't tend to shout.
About a year ago, I had to talk to her about how other people might view her reactions (think I made up a social story). Like you, I was terrified that people would think I was hurting her.

So it does get better -just takes a bit of time. It does sound as though social stories might help your ds to understand the difference between intended harm and run of the mill bodily contact.

This was one of the many phases we have passed through, and as your ds gains a bit more emotional maturity, it will hopefully ease for you.

I know where you are coming from, though. I have vivid memories of dd telling the lollipop lady that daddy makes her cry at bedtime Try explaining that this is because he refuses to lie on the floor next to her bed for 2 hours! DH couldn't face the school run for weeks

It's reassuring to know it will pass so thank you!

That's exactly it, I worry about people hearing his OTT reactions, or him telling someoe I have hurt him (but leaving out that I was simply brushing his hair for example). Social stories do sometimes work with DS so yes I will try that thank you.

ds2 used to yell really loudly "I want my mummy" when I was having to remove him from somewhere he didn't want to leave I'd just have to smile sweetly and say (quite loudly as well) "I AM your mummy!" ... I once had a security guard come over to us to check everything was OK during a particularly loud meltdown at a dinosaur park in Norfolk a couple of years ago ....

He also used to scream "I want to go home" when he was already at home - and as for hair-washing, I still shudder at the memory ... he's better now, still not perfect but at least I don't worry social services will come round every time I get the shampoo out