My biggest fear

[wrinklytum]

Is what will happen to dd when I am old and when I die.

I think I am coping with stuff relatively well atm.As little ones I feel our children get a lot of support.

Ironically,before I knew dd had sn I remember a colleague who has a child (well he is now officially an adult),with sn expressing this to me.

I don't know why I am writing this.Everyone says "TAKE EACH DAY AS IT COMES"

I try to,but it is still my biggest unspoken fear.

Tell me to stop being silly.

Dear wrinklytum. Know where you are coming from. I really try not to think about it. My son is my only child so has no siblings to look after him when we go. Have an agreement with my brother and also my best friend who are going to look after him if i die. I try not to think about it, but sometimes you just cant help yourself. Trouble is you can worry about it but i think you should live each day and not think to hard about it. Have you made a will. If you really worry about it, put in your will what you want to happen to your child. Has dd got god parents or siblings. Maybe you need to look into independent living schemes in your area to put your mind at rest.

"Inlaws will have the boys butnot dd."

Riven, that must be incredibly painful.

I worry for DD1, too.

Yeah, I guess that would be a dealbreaker

I wish I was closer, I'd love to meet you and your DD, she sounds like she is fun to be around

Rivewn, it's in no way the same, but my brother said he would be guardian for our boys pre-diagnosis, and changed his mind once we knew about the autism. He says 'It's called being realistic.'

My sister, on the other hand, has just said 'Of course I'd have them. I know I said I'd never want kids, but of course I would. You didn't really need to ask.'

rather watery

I guess we are lucky as J is one of five children, (only 2 are mine) so at least they would be able to keep an eye out for him when he is an adult should he need it.

For the here and now though should something happen to us, the boys would either go to my parents or my brother and his wife.

It's a horrible worry though, as even though we have lovely families I do worry that they wouldn't sort the SN related stuff as well as I do!

Yeh, we are in the same boat wher no one would want ds. However my biggest fear is losing my son before me.

My sis and i have an agreement about taking on each others dcs, but I have said that I wouldn't expect her to take dd2 unconditionally if she thought she couldn't cope - I realise that she'd have to go to boarding school or part foster or something. That is being realistic.

my xh has mad e it clear if anything happened to me he would have dd maybe even my older boys who are not his but he would not ds who in th whole scheme of sn is not badly affected

mind he can hardly bring himself to see have anything to do with ds now .so not hardly suprsing

My worry is none would love ds like I do or understand him.