need advice and was told to try here-so hello!

[cheesesarnie]

i started this thread in a different topic and was adviced to try here-so hello!im not sure what im hoping to hear-maybe just that its not so scary,im not so alone and that it will be ok?-anyone got a magic wand?

Hiya Cheesesarnie.
No there are no magic wands. There are probably people on here who can help, though. I'd say that your DS is suffering from some kind of sensory overload. Possibly end-of-term related stress? I know that my DD (5, language disorder) was a real handful before the end of term (we're in France so we've been off for a couple of weeks) and since she's had a weeks holiday she's a completely different child.
Hope that there are others on here who can come up with some more useful suggestions, and also that the behavioural specialist will help you.
Also 'cause you sound a bit stressed yourself!!

Hi Cheesesarnie, i have just answered on your other thread.

thanks both.
hes always been like it-there doesnt seem to be a pattern.the violence was the last straw and what made us ask for help.

and yes-stressed!not normally a cyber huggy person but thankyou

Hi cheese! Great to see you here.

There are alot of threads on here that you may find relevant to your situation etc. Have a trawl back through past threads with titles that sound familiar to you.

There will be others along at some point that may be able to share some tips. In the meantime welcome to the board

i noticed that anonandlikeit mentioned having an occupational therapy referral. i'm waiting for one of those too as my ds has sensory issues. one of the things i'm hoping for advice on is whether a weighted blanket would help our ds get to sleep at night. they are quite expensive, so wanted to check with OT first before buying one. if you do a search on here for "weighted blankets" you'll find threads from mums who have found them really useful in getting their dcs to sleep.

good luck!

thanks both.
shall trawl.

the lady coming today has had to be cancelled as ds2 has suspected swine flu.so were going to make another appointment grr

Oh dear... hope he's ok

Would you be able to give us some idea of what kicks off an 'episode', how your DS reacts/behaves during and after, and what calms him down?

Just trying to get an idea of what's triggering his melt downs so hopefully someone might be able to give you some advice on how to handle them.

Have read your other thread and would just like to say that you are not to blame. Pls do not think you are or even go there!!! Your DS's behaviour is markedly differnet from your other DCs and obviously not what you would expect. There could be many reasons for this and you may learn way's of 'handling' or 'coping' with his behaviour but this does not mean in any way that you caused it.

BR

ok some recent examples-

he found a crisp packet on his bedroom floor and decided 'it shouldnt be there' so was screaming and throwing himself around before strangling his sister.i cant remember how we calmed him,we probably dealty with it very wrongly as i know i shouted because he'd really hurt dd.

he wanted a drink,but decided he couldnt do it so i started doing it,he started screaming and sobbing that he couldnt see it and was (i dont know how to describe it nicely)basically doing this big irrational thing-its so hard to explain.he calmed down because we all ignored him,i had put his drink right in front of him and said 'theres your drink ds'.its soooo hard to explain now,it sounds silly-but to him it was a huge deal and it was like he wanted it to be a huge deal to everyone.

maybe i need to keep some kind of behaviour diary before the lady comes so that i can remember more.

ive been up since 3am so my heads not working!

I think keeping a diary is a great idea. I'm sure you can see for yourself that his behaviour is not what you'd expect of a child his age. It's good that you have got the ball rolling re help to understand what's up. There are lots of mners who can give you a wealth of advice on how to deal with this sort of behaviour, some of which will hopefully help you until the NHS kicks in.

The main thing at the mo is to manage his behaviour so he is not a danger to himself or you.

Ignoring can work for some children, time out is also a good one: removing from anyone whom he can react with or hurt, letting him calm himself down and come back to a level where you can reason with him. I ask DS1 to leave the room if he cannot behave himself when in the first stages of working himself up.

Counting or calming techniques, there's a really good green/amber/red light system where he decides at what level his emotions are running and once he can recognise he's getting upset, you can help him to calm down. When he thinks he's getting upset, he can tell someone or take himself off to a quiet/safe place.

I find lots of warnings re what were doing next, what he should expect helps. Also, when he's having a melt down I try to stay calm and ask him to tell me what's wrong, not shout not cry but he has to calm down and tell me so I can help him. I use consequencies sometimes too "If you are crying and having a tantrem I think you are tired and need to sleep so would you like to go straight to bed after bath? If you can stop and calm down I will not think you are too tired to stay up". Confiscation works well too. If you throw something it will be confiscated until the next day/weekend whatever. Works for me but might not work for you.

I believe on the carrott and the stick so we also have a sticker chart too. At the moment he gets a sticker for listening and for doing as he's told and one for being nice and kind i.e No tantrems, screaming, crying, throwing things, giving me ultimatums. You get the general picture.

I'm sure someone else will be on soon who can help more.... take a deep breath, you're donig a great job coping with this. The unknown is always difficult to cope with.

BR

yep ball is rolling!one thing i was confused about though is that the gp hadnt heard of the organisation that the senco wanted ds to be referred to.is that unusual?

we do use ignoring and time out-the ignoring seems to work a little better than time out with him,when in time out you can often catch him banging himself on a wall or the floor then saying mummy i fell(ive watched him)we do remove him from others such as his siblings when we feel he might hurt them or is getting 'wound up' by them,either by putting him in his room or by taking him for a walk alone or for a bath.

can you explain the green/amber/red light system ?it sounds worth a try!

we give plenty of warnings and explain why what hes doing is wrong or inappropriate and we ask him to explain why hes doing what hes doing and how hes feeling.on sunday he did burst into tears and say 'im having a really bad sunday day' i sat him on my lap,cuddled him and asked him to explain-he said his brother had snatched a toy,id said no to a lollipop and his sister had lied.it had all built up all day until he reached boiling point,i was proud though that hed actually recognised and explained his feelings so i could help him.i explained that the things with his brother and sister he should have maybe told me at the time so i could have helped and why id said no to a lolly(i had explained at the time).we do use confiscation and that does seem to help-although he soon forgets why its been confiscated.

at the moment hes into collecting harry potter stickers so were doing a sticker a day for good behaviour(him and dd-but is that wrong as dd always gets them,will he feel he cant compare?).

your right it is the unknown that is difficult!
thankyou so much ,youve really helped.

Hi Cheese, LOL, there are some organisations that even the people referring to them do not understand! There was a post earlier in the week with one MNer's child being referred to a group and the people referring didn't even know what the initials stood for!!!

Which group was the SENCO referring to?

IME your DS is at an age where so much changes in there lives that if there is something they find difficulties with, e.g. social communication, then this is the age it can really come to the fore.

My son has some hypermobility and the OTs are the best people to help with this. As for hypersensitivity/sensory issues. My son is also sensitive to sound, smell and taste so I know what you're going through. Does he say that everything is too loud? I have taken to telling DS1 that he can put his hands over his ears if the baby is yelling, or if things are very loud, but not if an adult is talking to him. We've also practiced counting to 10 and taking deep breaths and at school, if he feels himself beginning 'not to like' the person he's with, or what he's doing, he asks for a drink from his water bottle (this is a tip from the NAS actually) which he is allowed and breaks the cycle.

The traffic light system is my name for it, it's actually called the Incredible 5 point scale. I first heard of it from another MNer, and I also heard about it at a seminar earlier in the month (although my DS1 is a bit young for it). It involves a scale and noting on the scale how he feels and how he is reacting and what level of 'melt down' he is at... see here

You might want to create a new post before you buy as I know one of the nice ladies on here has created a blog with a wealth of info on this.

For stickers, I always make sure I'm giving DS an achievable goal and that, at times, he can reprieve himself "You did not listen to mummy but you were very kind to your little brother. So you do not get a sticker for listening, but you do get one for being kind". I don't think there is anything worng with giving them differnt goals (I wait to be corrected) so make sure her goals are things that she needs to work on the same as his are.

It sounds like you are doing a fantastic job already, and you now have the holidays to try and bash your way through the system.

I've found MN to be my life line so don't be afraid to ask questions on here. There ain't nothing they don't know!!

BR
PS. Sorry for the long rambling post!!

it was CAMHS,the senco at school said they can refer us but its quicker and easier(for them i guess) if gp does it.

The GP hadn't heard of CAMHS?? Oh that's hilarious.

Not had any dealings with CAMHS myself. We went straight to a Paediatrician and then had a multi-diciplinary asessment, but I know there are other MNers with experience of them. When is you appointemnt reschedueld for and how is DD doing?

meant how is DS2...

thats what i thought-sounds like its quite a well known and big organisation,they even have one near us(nothing is ever near us!).

shes going to phone next week to see how children are and go from there,she said she still wanted to come but her manager asked her not too.ds2 is still sleepy,croaky,wheezy,clingy etc!tamiflu seems to have made no difference yet.(hes been cuddled up with me half doozing,half playing with his cars.

Ah well if I were you I'd enjoy the cuddle time and the excuse to sit down and put cartoons on! Hope he picks up soon.

BR