I'm so tired and I don't know what to do

[Thomcat]

I posted this in sleep but as I was talking i realised that there is a SN element to my problem.

Sorry I know JakB has posted something about sllep but my query / need for advice is a bit different and I'm hoping you might have some pearls of wisdom for me.

We've moved L into a big girls bed. She's going to sleep okay but started waking at 630 and coming into us but it's been getting earlier and earlier. We put a gate up at her door but she sits behind it and cries. This morning it was 4.30!

I'm just so tired, as is D and as is L. I'm tired anyway as early days of pregnancy, and feel nauseaus all afternoon which is being made worse by being so tired and so on. have bad headache behind eyes and feel teary and hormonal, all not helping each other basically.

So my question is, other than knowing how to get her to sllep later, how do I make her understand that it's too early to get up? The girls on sleep section of MN suggested a clock but there's no way she'll understand the concept of that yet, no way. i'm not sure what she understands tbh, not sure if me saying 'it's too early L, go back to sleep, close your eyes'.

Any ideas, I'm so tired I can't think straight, any advice would so gretafully received.

Thomcat, ages ago I bought some blackout linings for curtains, they just hang inside on the curtain hooks, you don't have to sew them in. They are quite effective especially with blinds. I think I got them in Roseby's but don't know if they still do them. If they are the right size I will happily send you mine because we don't need them anymore as both my boys are in the same room now.

You can definitely buy blackout lining to sew into curtains if you have time (and energy).

The early mornings are real killers but I do think the light has a lot to do with it. Also is Lottie getting uncovered or cold? It is the coldest time of night and often that wakes them up and then because it is light they wake up fully. If I wake in the night I often go and check that my ds2 is covered over as a pre-emptive measure . Or you could try putting her in one of those big cuddly all in ones?

dd is an early riser, although she can't get out of her room as we have a safety gate fitted. I am still wondering is she is waking up and then discovering she is wet! She then undresses herself. We were considering starting to lift her before we go to bed, it seems wrong, sort of out -of-sync, simply because she isn't dry in the day yet. But if it carries on for much longer, we will have to give it a go.

Sometimes I think dd plays us far too well, and I think we have to lay down the rules. If she wakes, I will put her on the toilet, put clean nappy on, and if necessary a pair of tights (little miss houdini hasn't mastered those yet!)and put her back into bed, and close the door behind me. If she knows that she is not going to get any attention, she usually goes back to sleep. Unfortunately- I DON'T!

I hope you get things sorted TC, there is some brilliant advice here!

Right girls, this is what I've done tonight.

• told my dad to wake her after just 1 hours sleep so she was awake by 2pm today. (she fell asleep at 1 in the car on way home from a morning at nursery)
• Had a lavender bath, no games. -Lined windows with double layer black bin bags and then the blind.
• sprayed room with special kids lavender calming room spray
• Lay her on top of duvet in her old sleeping bag. Faced her the other way round in the bed so she is facing round the way she was when she was in her cot and she's under her bad canopy rather than loking down at it, so she's in thee same position she was when in the cot.
• gave her a massage after bath with her lavender body cream
• read her her 2 fav classic bed time stories - 'No Matter What' and 'the Baby who wouldn't go to bed', which always sets us both off yawning!
• while reading I played the classical chill out album quietly in background but turned it off as I left.
• I said, 'dark' 'bed' 'sleep' a few times as I stroked her head

I then crept out (it was 8.30 by then and she was snoring) and I pray to god one, or all of those things combined make her sleep for longer.

Hope she has a good night.

Three is a difficult age, sleep wise, not really able to go with out a day time nap and not get grumpy. Hopefully at worst it will be a short lived phase.

Thanks hon' me too, just a shame it has to clash with a pregnancy that is making me really tired and sick anyway, ahhh well, we'll get through it eventually.

Hugs to you Thomcat {{{}}}

It is so hard in the early months of pg. Sounds like you have done all of the right things and fingers crossed Lottie has a really good night's sleep xxxxxxxxxx

Yes, I forget how tired the first trimester can make you feel. Its really draining. Doubly hoping she will sleep through till morning and you can get some rest.

Saker, I'm so sorry not to have responded to your offer of the black out lining, can we put it down to my tiredness and say thank you very much now?!!

If you really don't mind and it's still okay I'll measure lotties window and let you know and maybe we can sort something out. Thanks very much. TC xx

Thomcat, just want to say I know how you are feeling. Ds was up at 5.30 this a.m, am so shattered I'm going to bed now. It is definitely harder being pg second time round, hope the sickness and overwhelming tiredness passes for you soon. I had it till 16 weeks, but feel much better now. It will get easier. In the meantime, could you try taking it in turns to get up with her? We do it so that one of us gets up at 5.30 and then wakes the other at 6.30 and then gos back to sleep while the other gets up with DS, if that makes any sense...
We are trying to cut out the daytime sleep, it does seem to work over time - got a lie in till 8 on Sunday (wow!)

Hiya hon, not much to add to the brilliant advice you've already had just wanted to say ooooh I know how you feel and it's the pits. Both of mine have done this super-early rising thing over the years, for months at a time (4.30-5am) and it is so hard. You're knackered and hormonal - no wonder you're bloody teary! Ds2 was up at 5.45, which is not as bad as Lottie, and I'm not pregnant, and I don't work outside the home but I've still been tearful and bad tempered all day.

Do all the things everyone has suggested - especially the black out blind thing (that's the one thing I can categorically say has made a difference) but most of all do what makes it easier for you now. If she will sleep better in the cot, put her back in it - new baba can sleep in a Moses basket (or a drawer!) Cross that bridge when you come to it. You get as much sleep as you possibly can - go to bed when Lottie goes to bed. Let that fella of yours take the strain - take turns getting up, if it's not your turn get some earplugs (Boots) and use them.

Hard to see it now but it will pass, and life will get a bit easier, especially when you're past that horrid first trimester.

Thank you, very much

This new thread is sooooo long, can't read all of it right now. Just to say TC, I really think you shouldn't let her sleep in the daytime. I know she may fall asleep on the way home so maybe a cat nap of 10 mins or so is unavoidable but don't let her stay asleep. My 2 yr old DD is not "allowed" to sleep in the daytime any more unless she's totally exhausted, she is now resilient enough to manage without mostly and, now she's in that pattern, she goes to bed no problem at 7pm, sometimes its 8pm as we're not ready, and wakes up no earlier than 7am. Another thing I do which I'm sure would be frowned on by many, I leave a bottle of milk in her cot when I go to bed, if she wakes she finds it, has a guzzle and goes back to sleep. Keep the room dark as others have suggested, you can buy metres of black out fabric very cheaply. There's that rabbit clock from GLTC or Urchin where the rabbit wakes up when its time to get up OR get a very simple digital clock, take a photo of it at, say 7am, and try to teach her to match it (not easy I know). Good luck, will read rest of thread tomorrow and find out that i've talked a load of annoying rubbish!

BTW, my behavioural background says DO NOT get into bed with her and DO NOT let her get into bed with you. I know people who still have this going on with 10 year olds with SN! If necessary, sit on a comfy chair in the room, move yourself out. Best still, just put her back into bed over and over again but that's is a very hard one to do.

Thomcat

I hope you get a better night (or morning). You would be welcome to the blackout linings if they would help. They are not as good as blinds but work quite well in combination with blinds. But hopefully something you have done tonight will help. I agree that limiting sleep in the day should help as well.

TC, hope you got a better night's sleep honey. Those early months of pregnancy are really hard. My DD didn't hit the pillow until nearly midnight again last night! She woke a few times but that's the norm in this house. DS also gets up and, eek, gets in our bed which I've got to knock on the head. Life's hard enough without lack of sleep. Hope things get better and enjoy your Friday night/Saturday morning in bed when Lottie is at her grandma's!

How did it go TC - did all your tricks work

WOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Success already! Fingers crossed for more of the same. So pleased as had a really busy day in town at the BBC and feel so sick right now but all ok as I got a proper nights sleep

I think the extra warmth, the repositioning of her so it's as though she was still in cot and the pitch dark room all worked really well together. We also let her only sleep for an hour yesterday and an hour today, so woke her at 2 rather than letting her keep sleeping.
I've always been a believer in letting her sleep when she wants for as long as she wants and till now it's never affected her night time sleep, but it's amazing what being woken up and kept awake at 4.30 and 5am will do to you!

So from the front of my house it looks like gypsies have moved in with the black bins at the window but until we sort something else out, whatever!

Please God more of the same tomorrow anfd the night after and the night after and wishing the same for all of you with bad sleepers and/or early risers.

Well done, great news
I am about to invest in prufrock's stick-on blackouts as I have ruled out all possible causes and ds2 still insists on waking around 6am...has been happily chatting to himself recently though so at least we don't have to get out of bed...

That's good news TC. I firmly believe that they get to an age when daytime sleep really affects the nights. I was always a stickler for DD's daytime sleep and our days were organised around it but once it started interfering with the nights..... she was out of luck! I also know that I haven't got the discipline to only let her sleep an hour but that is probably the best option (I let her sleep 3 hours last Sunday afternoon!). Just think, it will be a lot harder to deal with all of this once you've got a newborn wanting (needing) to be in your bed!

So glad you managed a good nights sleep Thomcat! Brilliant news - especially as you need it more being pregnant.

This thread took me back a bit - when ds was at nursery, and sooooo active, I told the staff that he was to have no more than 15 minutes.

Of course, they enjoyed the quiet that was created from him sleeping so would leave him longer, which then meant the knock on effect of him not being tired in the evening and a nightmare ensued.

This continued for ages when I lost my rag due to lack of sleep and told them to do it my way. They did eventually and it was bliss because he slept all the night through.

He now rises at about 6am but amuses himself until I get up at 7....ish. I bought black out curtains about 4 weeks ago and they are brilliant.

I think i have jinxed myself by joining in on this thread! Had DS up at 4.30 this a.m - the earliest yet! He had only catnapped during the day according to nursery, but I let him fall asleep at 7.00 last night (too early) so my fault probably. Luckily, DH took over at 5.45 and I went back t sleep until 7.15 - it's the only way I can cope.

I am now going straight onto Prufrock's link...sounds like it has worked for a lot of you. But can anyone tell me how I can stop the birds singing really loudly as soon as it gets light?

Ho ho Pages, get loads of cats? Bloody birds, we've got sodding seagulls here and they screech even when its dark. luckily the local cat population seems to have increased and reduced the seagulls but we've now got cat crap in the garden....... The seagulls issue is going to be one I'm helping the Residents' Assoc with, how midedle england can I get??? I would stove their heads in with a brick if I had the guts

Ha ha, yes I feel the same way about pidgeons, coo coo coo WALLOp!!!!

So glad that last night went well and long may it continue

LOL at the seagulls Davros. I would willingly shoot them for you. I find them really quite intimidating, especially when you are eating your cod and chips at the seaside!

hi there, I can sympathise with you , even though my ds cant tell the time this was definately my best investment and worth every penny imho - we also have blackout blind/curtains! bunny alarm clock