Bit of background. . I have 2 dds. Dd1 has AS and dd2 is NT. I home educate dd1.
The last year has been incredibly difficult- we went through the dx process and had a really rough time, plus we withdrew dd from school due to some serious issues.
I always said that I wanted 3 children, but dh and I decided a while ago that we wouldn't have any more dc. There seems to be a genetic link with dd's AS(we both think dh also has AS)and so there's a chance a new dc may also have be on the spectrum. This doesn't put me off, it's more that I doubt my ability to cope with another child with SN- just don't know if I am up to the job.
But I can't stop wanting another child. I physically ache, at times -I know that might sound wierd . At dd2's dancing class, 2 of the mums I have a coffee with are expecting their third children and I am ashamed that I feel envious and a even a slightly bitter. I know that's horrible and I'm not proud of my feelings.
Recently, it's got to the stage where I avoid babies and toddlers, because it's just too painful to be around them.
I have 2 beautiful children and I know that I am very lucky. Yet this yearning will not go away.
Has anyone else been through this?
Thanks for listening