How can I get through to him???!!

[Barmymummy]

DS (just turned 4 & tiny bit ASD) has always been a bit of a pusher. He goes through phases of it and we seem to be back in one now.

Was pulled aside at playschool today to say that he had been very pushy with the kids today and had pinched (they think) a girl he really doesn't get on with (she is very much in his face which he hates) and I was mortified. When he gets very hyper or agitated he has on one occasion gone for their throat and this happened again today (so twice in all).

I am completely totally beside myself. Stickers, reward charts, sweets in a jar mean nothing to him and the only thing that seems to work is removing him immediately and putting him in his room for a few minutes. Obviously playschool can't do this!

God what can I do to get this home to him that he simply can't do this. Things have been getting so much better lately, was so optimistic! Feels like such a backward step and I can't talk to any RL mums as they would be horrified. No one seems to understand that this is not out of spite but out of receptive language delay, frustration and basically a lack of appropriate social skills....

Does your ds get extra support at playschool?

Did pre-school have any positive suggestions about how best to handle it - or did they just catalogue his misdemeanours? Pushing etc isn't nice, but really isn't that unusual with pre-schoolers - the NT boy on our street has grabbed my DS by the throat a few times at a similar age to your DS. Try not to panic, and see if you can work constructively with pre-school to try and encourage your DS to withdraw himself from situations when he gets wound up. you say that playschool can't remove him and put it in his room - but they should have some sort of quiet corner of the room he could go to?

yes does he get 1-1 at all an they keep him more occupied in smaller groups maybe when too many children come too close its a sensory issue and just needs them to get out the way

its probably not intentional naughty behaviour so doesnt realise its wrong his juts trying to remove them from his space iyswim

it will need staff to monitor and notice when things are becoming too much for him

what does tiny bit ASD MEAN IS HE DX OR DOES HE JUST HAVE SOME TRAITS? sorry not shouting

playschool should be able to get advice from council/LEA if they aren't good at dealing with this sort of issue - there will definitely be LEA senco type people who can come and observe and advice, and probably ASD outreach people too.

if he has dx of ASD they can get extra funding for him and this would enable some 1-1 to show appropriate behaviour how to handle situations do more activity 1-1 to help play train etc

do they have IEP set up on handling situations and how to help etc or for nay other needs he may have

my ds has specialist pre school teacher 1 half hours 1-1

area senco comes and brings new strategies to give for ds regarding play keeping attention etc senco in pre school ensures all tasks are set and carried out

specialist pre school teacher checks in every 3 weeks with new ideas and checking progress and advising staff

Thanks for your replies

Right here goes! No, he has no specialist support at playschool as up until these last two incidents he has been fine. We had a paed appt on 7th May who said he has a touch of ASD (ie traits) but is nowhere near bad enough to warrant a dx (so they tell me!) He has no sensory issues, sleep or eating problems & is independently clean & dry. He has no routines or obsessions but has shown a keen interest in trains (dying down now), traffic lights, railway crossings, doors etc. His speech & receptive language are at least 6 months behind but he is very fretful about going to new places without me (ie school!).

Playschool were very good giving me lots of suggestions to help and said that whatever we do they will do so that the approach is consistent.

I have noticed that almost every time the pushing happens it is when he is exciteable. So for example in PE today, playing on the trampoline, running in the playground playing chase....that sort of thing. Its like he can't control himself when he's worked up. In the cold light of day so to speak he's generally OK.

Playschool did say that its not uncommon for kids to push etc and not to get too worried about it but thats so hard

I would definately say that he reacts in the extreme way like this with kids he doesn't like as he doesn't seem to have the skills to back off or tell them to stop iykwim, he reacts first physically.

His receptive speech delay is what worries me the most as he is a big lad and looks like he should be fluent iykwim so people think he understands everything but he doesn't. He still struggles with "why, when & how" questions mostly but is improving slowly. He isn't able to link his experinces clearly yet or re-tell a story to you without reciting it word for word. Has had delayed echolalia which has tailed off alot too but still existent.

Oh I don't know, I find it sooo confusing to untangle ASD induced behaviour from NT behaviour if that makes sense?! I want to blame the heat, tiredness, all the things you would for a NT kid but its hard to distinguish....

Thanks for all your replies anyway, feel better for talking to you all, thanks, xx

ok well they could do play and help him in learning when to walk away ds was a pusher and they taught him not to push to say no and walk off

as for the what where why questions when ds speech came along he was also delayed these questions became clearer for him but with me playing games what did we do we did painting so what did we do and he'd say painting we did this for all the wh questions i said the question and answer and he learnt why is the latest his doing and asks why for everything

does the SALT visit pre school and give them help in how to help with expressive language at all? do they use now and next visual chart to help him?

the thing is without dx there not able to access funding for extra resources needs to come from SLAT etc to help and senco

SALT at the hosp said that he didn't need SALT help really, just to see if he continues to improve. By and large she said his speech and language is, broadly speaking, age appropriate but I am now starting to see new areas that need tackling. Might get back in touch with her and see what she says.

Def will get playschool to try and teach him to seek them out when he feels uncomfortable, thanks

i hope you get more help doesn't sound like much going on but i guess if problems were few before it wasn't needed but don't be afraid to ask for more if its needed

Erm, DD always behaves like this around end of term. This year biting as well. Think it's just exhaustion and sensory overload as much as anything else (she's now 5, had two months of this may/june of her 4th year and now again this year. Kept her off school this afternoon and she's been good as gold playing with her little bro).
She's also got receptive/expressive lang. disorder.

Now thats fascinating and I can't believe I haven't thought of that! His last phase was just before the Easter Hols and it went after the break......hmmmmmmmmm!! My daughter bless her was awful leading up to hols, very tired, ratty and stroppy....maybe its just all too much and needs the summer hols. Thank you very much for that, its worth bearing in mind, xxx