I am losing my temper with DS

[hereidrawtheline]

Right I am going to vent on here but I want to say I am not doing this to him but in my head I am swearing.

He is being so fucking nasty today. He has just been horrible. He hasnt had a sleep and he is beyond out of control because he does need a nap but he has refused. He has been screaming hitting crying, whining, you name it.

He will not stop. I have bent over backwards to save the day from this and he has just thrown a strop every few mins. I've made him ice lollies, we've pottered about in the garden we have done puzzles at his request and then he has just taken them apart and thrown the pieces, nothing has been good enough for him. He will not stop moving or talking but talking is the least of it he is screaming and crying. I am just so stressed. He really needs a sleep in the day to keep him from being deeply unpleasant and he just wont do it.

Every single thing I haev suggested he has opposed just for the sake of it. If I said "come here darling and I'll get your shoes on " becuase he wanted to run outside he would demand he move to a different random spot to have his shoes put on. If he brings a puzzle or game to do and I happily sit down and get ready to do it with him he will want it done on the floor 2 feet away.

Even his speaking is annoying me I feel such a bitch saying this but his peculiar way of speaking is just grating on my nerves at the moment and I normally love it. I am just really really not feeling myself with him right now.

I just wish he would be quiet for 5 mins.

Can you plop him in a pushchair and go for a walk? Change of scenery might help? Also, the movement might help him nod off for a bit?

Hang in there, tomorrow is Thursday, and you can vent to your hearts content to the paed

I have forced him to lie next to me in my bed because he wont be without me. I gave him his teddies, dummy, and milk and in 5 mins he has fallen asleep. So I am sitting here IN PEACE AND QUIET on the laptop

[big fucking phew emoticon]

sorry but he was just totally out of control for about 4 hours non stop and I am still running on very little sleep.

DH will be home from work in an hour so I think I will let him sleep til then... even though it will be 5:30 it will still have only been one hour so it shouldnt mess tonight up too much

If he starts going on like that again, I strongly suggest taking him out. Works well for ds2 when he is in major meltdown mode!

yes I will.

Ugh I hope I dont come across as a total idiot or bad mother or unsympathetic to him. I fear that I do because I start threads moaning. But I think in RL I am not. I might show my worst side here though.

You poor thing. Your doing better than I would have been and many a time I have just lost it and become banshee woman. HOwever I would say that sometimes this worked because he realised that I was finally absolutely drawing a line and he was probablly a bit scared (I'm very loud ). We would either both land up screaming at each other and then it would all be fine and he would turn into perfect child for a few weeks even. I'd feel like a heel but sometimes you get so close to the edge.

sometimes a shock can get them out of the screaming, whining routine. I found rolling up a newspaper and cracking it down on the back of a chair would emit a loud noise but was harmless to all but it was enough of a shock to induce silence to allow you to get across firmly that you have HAD ENOUGH and it stops.
When is your partner home. Can you go out the minute he comes in and escape for a bit.

Good luck and there will probablly be someone on soon who is much more cogent than me.

thanks flyingmum dont worry you make perfect sense!

DH is home in 45 mins. I cant wait. We have already agreed he is taking DS in the kitchen & garden because I want to hole up in my bed!

I feel so bad when I get angry at him. I get mildly annoyed regularly enough but not this real anger very much. Especially for stuff he cant help like his speech I mean its just wrong to get wound up with him over that but the sound of his voice and the strange way he speaks was for a few hours today like nails on chalkboard rather than the normal way which it is really lovely and endearing. I think it is because I dont think he stopped talking/shouting/whining from 8 am to about 10 mins ago. It just got too much.

Have you done any courses yet HIDTL? Once your DS is dx, please try get yourself on some as they are really helpful. I went on the Early bird one and found it really helpful, especially with understanding why DS2 has meltdowns and tantrums.

no I havent. It isnt that I've been lazy about it but tbh I have really felt I needed to take a massive step back. So very many people (read - everyone) in RL were constantly telling me there was nothing wrong with DS and it was all down to me. I was (am) subtly and blatantly being accused of "forcing" him to be DX with something or treating him for something that isnt there. So I decided to step back for a bit and just love him and care for him on instinct alone and good advice but not to research any actual conditions, or learn about them any more. Because I couldnt tell anymore who was right and who was wrong. Its been such a long time and I am still very much on my own with it. So I am just praying he will be DX with something tangible so I can throw myself into learning about that and not have to be embarrassed about it.

Also he went through several months seeming very NT. Which was confusing too.

DS2 seemed NT, but a very naughty NT if that makes sense. But once we knew he had autism, and once we knew how to deal with his needs and tantrums, we could see that he wasn't just a naughty NT.

I have every hope that you get some answers and a possible DX tomorrow.

HIDTL
I could have written your op and last post today. It has been a shitty day in Sazland.
And I too feel like everyone thinks it's all in my head. Even dh
Sorry not much help am I

Hi HIDTL [SMILE]

I think when our children are so very young, they do seem 'naughty NT', but as they get older, the differences become more obvious. Hang in there, you are doing great.

Saz I dont know if you meant to but the smiley face at the end of your post made me laugh. Like saying... oh yes, the worlds about to end ah well

hehe made me happy so thanks!

So can CAHMS actually DX or do they just report back to the doctor who then DX? DS is in his room with DH at the moment he was just memorising the names of the planets and identifying them with the stickers on his wall

it was meant to be a kind of rueful smile, but now I look back it does look rather incongruous - you've made me laugh now

ah good trading laughter never really goes amiss does it! sounds like we could both do with some today.

HIDTL - Sorry its going so bad at the moment.

For what its worth I dont think anyone thinks you are a bad parent. Someone once told me that no-one who worries they are a bad parent can be that bad otherwise they wouldnt worry.

I agree with the going out idea - Its what I do when DS is driving me insane, he loves going out and it shuts him up for a while, mainly because I think he forgets what he was upset about, plus I get to calm down (I put all my frustrated energy into walking fast) and if im lucky he falls asleep.

I hope things are going better for you tonight xxx

Thanks

I do have something to tell you I know why I do not go out as much as I could do. Dont get me wrong we do go out but just not every day. I saw 5inthebed in the pushchair section and honestly, I hate my buggy so much. Its a pliko and it is so hard and heavy to push, and DS weighs so much, I think he is somewhere around 3 stone but I am not sure I havent had him weighed in ages. But he is a lovely big boy (not fat he looks perfect but he is big proportioned) Also getting the buggy in and out of my porch is such a nightmare. On the 2 days a week he goes to preschool it is what I dread the most. It is just horrible for a heavy toddler. I cant afford anything else but I so wish I had a nice lightweight one or 3 wheeler or somethign that I coudl push without absolutely breaking my back.

Have you tried your local Freecycle? Or the 'Other' forum has a nearly new section which is where I got my 3-wheeler from, and some people give away buggies (I have in the past).

I dont know where you live but if you lived anywhere near me I have a spare stroller you could have

oh thanks for that tip Frasersmum, I never would have thought of freecycle for something as big as a stroller but I will post and see (also check the "other" one)

I am in North Essex, not sure where you are

Nottingham - but my Dad lives in Saffron Walden, so if you cant find anything else I can try and arrange something for you

I'm in surrey and have a stroller you can have for a fiver. Its light and I'll get DS1 to clean it.

Yours if you want it.

oh thank you so much, both of you! I will speak to DH tonight about it and see where we can drive to - that is very generous of you both. And it would make the world of difference it is such a nightmare pushing him in that buggy I would really adore having something lighter.