Can autism symptoms disappear? does this mean its not ASD?

[ABitStretched]

Have just had ds1(4) refered for ASD assessment as displaying lots of traits, ticking most of the boxes. Since then I've made a real effort to tune into him especially as he has had to take a back sea for the last 2 years for other reasons. I've made some changes to the home, our routines and our parenting. Just as I'd come to terms with potential ASD he's totally changed. Independent imaginative play, initiating social relationships with other children when we are out, tolerating noise, letting go of rituals and obsessions, hugs, declarations of love, - I can't believe its the same child. So my question is - does this rule out ASD or by some fluke have I come across stragegies that are helping him? Should I cancel the referal as I don't want to rock the boat while he is so happy.

Your welcome- just to clarify I am not a robot who implements all these stratgies perfectly. Last week ds2 was really poorly with ear infection that resulted in 4 drs trips and 1 visit to the hospital. I was totally intolerant of ds1 for about 2 days including screaming at him for putting a piece of chalk in ds2's ear. My POV - I had just got ds2 to stop crying and had some precious time with both my arms back to myself and ds1 made him cry by touching his bl00dy ear!!!!!! ds1's POV - he had been rubbing the chalk on his hands, face and ear, it felt nice, he thought his brother would enjoy it too, then for no good reason his mum is shrieking at him. Just that little episode set us way way back to 'i hate you mummy', 'i'm so angry', 'i want to hit bubba', not eating, needing a particular cup, banging things repetitively. Took me 3 days to win him back.
I live in fear of paed saying he is normal because i refuse to believe parenting is this hard for everyone - how can everyone else stay sane and not me if they're all coping with the same things.

Now you see that last post has made me look entirely at DS in a new way! I would have told my DS off for the chalk incident and thought no more of it. I really need to look at DS POV more and take alot more notice. Thank you,xx

Lastly, you say that you don't shout anymore (I shout way too much but seems to be the only thing that gets through but I HATE doing it) so what do you do to get him to pay attention/learn what he has done is wrong? KWIM?!

FWIW, as a personal viewpoint, if someone shouts at me, I have no idea what they've just said. It registers just as a loud noise/scary waving of arms and facial contortions and my brain stops working or starts getting totally 'beside itself'. Guaranteed to make my behaviour even more problematic than it was before they shouted. It works better if someone waves a hand in front of my vision, because then I know they're trying to talk to me (otherwise I can simply not even realise they're telling me something - we're so often totally single-focus).

If I'm stressed out, I need absolute calm and quiet and space to cool my brain wiring down. If I've made an error in something, I need a very calm explanation of why a different technique is better and will achieve better results.

Sometimes if I've made an error, there's nowt I can do about it, because there are some things I really truly can't do, and all the shouting or reasoning in the world won't change it.

And it takes a good 10-50 repetitions before I can learn a new skill or new idea properly. Not good at learning by example, don't always understand pointing, can't cope with metaphors or sarcasm or (often) why someone behaves the way they do, so a lot of what people try to teach me can be a mystery.

Thanks amberlight - I've read lots of your postings before and they are really helping us.

Barmymummy - to get attention I have to do it in a physical way - walk over and touch shoulder usually, sometimes wave hand,sometimes hold hand. Ds is not great at eye contact so I try not to force it but i do ask him to look at my face (rather than in my eyes) so I know he is paying attention. I may have to interupt what I am saying several times to regain his focus depending on the day / mood. If he's commited a def no-no(hitting, spitting) its a straight red card - you don't hit, please go to your room/indoors/sofa until you've calmed down- then he comes to me when he feels better. If it was a 'strange' thing to do I tell him first why i didn;t like it, he tries to explain himself, and i say don't do it again. This has taken about 2 months of really trying not to shout and using the same consistent approach to get this far.
I still shout sometimes - I can't help it. And I do still find myself calling his name over and over to get his attention before I stop and think why am i doing this it doesn't work ever. Interestingly I've found while he's playing in the garden (and I am feeling too lazy to move) that waving my arm+calling his name will get his attention, then I can ask him to come over, and then he can concentrate when he is next to me.
Also there are still times when he is 'in the zone' as my brother calls it and nothing we do will get him back. Unless the house was on fire we just leave him to it.

Just been re-reading my posts. I think he doesn't sound in the least bit ASD and the HV is right - I should just take antidepressants and use the time out step and this will all get better on its own because its caused by shodding parenting & atention seeking child

Most health visitors are in the dark ages when it comes to ASD and should not be given any attention as it makes them seem they are speaking sense

"Just been re-reading my posts. I think he doesn't sound in the least bit ASD and the HV is right - I should just take antidepressants and use the time out step and this will all get better on its own because its caused by shodding parenting & atention seeking child"
You're joking, right? You're doing great, whether your DS has ASD or not; keep doing what you're doing because you're doing really well; I'd say go to the appt and see what they tell you, but please ignore the HV. Antidepressants?? Shoddy parenting?? She really sounds like she's talking out of her a*s

Thanks sc13 - I was joking. There's been something about him always so its about time we get to the bottom of it. I have a special needs behavioural assistant coming on Thurs that I arranged through my local SureStart - on the phone she did disappoint me a bit by saying it sounds like attention-seeking because his brother has additional medical needs but now I have stripped away the more aggressive and undesirable behaviours I'm hoping she will see the ASD shining through as I am now starting to (zoning out, odd physical mannerisms, strict adherence to rules both real and ones he's made up but not told us about!, resistant to praise and affection among others).

To be fair HV did tell me to take antidepressants but not that my parenting was shoddy just that I was far more affectionate with ds2 than ds1 - that's because he HATES it and gets really cross if I touch him without him asking too. She also said I need to give positive praise while he is playing (she observed an hour or so with us) - this is pointless as while he is playing he is 'in the zone' so cannot hear me, if I bring him out the zone so he hears the praise he will be most upset coz it took him a long time to get focussed on his play and now I've messed it up - he will usually reward me by hitting his brother / throwing something. So I now see quite clearly that HV is a bum talker.

smallwhitecat - that's an interesting theory - quite a few people have comented on how bright he is, hungry for information, understands things quickly. DH and I also have enormous brains :-) so he comes with a good pedigree so maybe I've got a little genius on my hands. Great coz hopefully he'll keep me in my old age (def no pension), bad because he will be able to outwit me by the time he is 6.

"HV did tell me to take antidepressants but not that my parenting was shoddy just that I was far more affectionate with ds2 than ds1"

ugh, no wonder you are pissed off.

I don't think it's a fluke that he's making progress, I think you are tuned in.

From what I've read, the letting go of rituals can be a permanent change... like reaching a new developmental stage.

When does he have to go to school - 2010?

He's due to start in Sept this year - he will be 4 1/4! I can keep him out til after Easter and am prepared to do it if it is right for him. However he has a solid group of friends at playschool all very close in age all going to same primary school in Sept so I think he'd like to stay with them if he can.

Reading everyone's positive messages is great. I have literally had no support with this = apart from 1 friend. Spoke to my mum yesterday and she's starting to see it herself (she had 4 kids, incl 4 boys so v.experienced).

bloody school starting age.....

If it hasn't already been recommended, try reading Stanley Greenspan's "The Child with Special Needs" - he is a leading authority on autism yet understands how the whole labelling thing can be invidious - the second chapter is called "beyond the label". It's comprehensive and applies whether or not he "has ASD".

Meanwhile however your issue is that he may find school hard so if he goes in Sept. he may need additional support which you get (in serious dollops anyway) by requesting a "Statement of Special Needs" and it can take a few months to get one plus it's a lot easier to get one if you have a diagnosis of ASD........

Is he in a good nursery/pre-school? What are the teachers' thoughts about how he is likely to cope in September?

You're doing rather fabulously by the way yet don't seem to be giving yourself any credit.

Thanks - dh has been really positive saying he can see good changes that are down to me which has helped. Daren't take any credit as have no idea if I am doing the right thing. Plus I still let him and me down on a daily basis by shouting or not understanding him.
I like the pre-school but I'm not sure they've been totally on the ball with this. They say they haven't seen anything to make them worry but then I found out that for the 18 months he's been there he hasn't wanted to join in music time (he hates lots of sounds at once - not the volume thats the issue its the number and type of sound) and the other day they told me how he played shops for 90 mins but when I asked about it they said he was lining up the toys and got upset if anyone picked them up to 'buy' them - bit surprised a great big bell didn't ring for them then. I haven't asked about it since I told them about my suspicions so that conversation is due a revisit.

yeah, my DS1's private nursery were equally clueless. He outgrew his difficulties in the end so ignorance was bliss. DS2's nursery, on the other hand, is attached to his school so they are very aware of where he needs to get to to be ready for school and they are all over him like a rash. When you see your

Yeah for your DH cheering you on. That's what really really matters not just for you but your son too.

This whole labelling thing for borderline kids is like choosing a football team. Once someone has embraced the idea of labels, it's like they've chosen their team, so they want you to do the same. Whereas other people have chosen the other "no label!" team and want you on that team! So it's not surprising that your friends are pulling you in different directions.

At home, you are clearly on a winning streak just now (in fact I think many of us are really admiring your results) and just have to keep doing what you are doing and consolidating the progress and learning more and more and tuning in more. And that's the case whether he "has ASD" or not. But your key issue is whether he's going to be ready for school. Do you think it would be a good idea to mention to this professional who's coming round that you have doubts about this? Reception may be "all about play" but frankly they demand some pretty sophisticated social skills. You can probably arrange for a professional to observe him at nursery.......

`Yes, that ring true with me as well!
My ds'nursery have had concerns that they did pass onto me , like 'he doesn't like to participate in sharing activities, he just plays alone with the cars and trains, get upset when other kids want to touch /play with the vehicules, he doesn't respond well to commands when he 's in a group , easily distracted, won't sit still for tea,... the list goes on. It was a combination of their concerns plus his behaviours at home that prompted me to get him checked .
But now we know what and where the problem is,the nursery is telling me 'oh he made soo much progress, try not to worry, he 's becoming more sociable, {hmm] ... "Today he spend all afternoon in the garden !" (so i think 'well at least he wasn't with his beloved vehicles) then she says "he was looking for planes and pointing them out to us all afternoon! How funny!" {angry} Also when he is at home , or when we go out i can see that although he has made progress , he still is clearly well behind with his spech and receptive language, he still has his obsessions with noises and vehicles, he still very introvert when meeting strangers or people he doesn't see often,... well it is clear that he's still having problems.

Oh i just read my post! What a moany cow! I'm sorry i don't realise i'm ranting so much until i re-read
I wanted to say you are probably hitting the right buttons with your ds with all the changes you've made, so be proud!

Thanks everyone. I'm going to leave this thread now as its getting a bit addictive and don't want to overdose on the back slapping - especially as today he is acting like a complete fruit cake - quite a lot of wandering around randomly pushing stuff over and odd angry conversations with his toys -so he needs my attention today clearly. Will come back on tomorrow after behavioural lady (must find out her proper title) has been if anyone's interested. I've got a list of issues to tackle with him as a priority - school is one.

Is she from the early years special needs service?