Took on too much, had too many bad things happen.
All got on top of me (strange expression, but it felt just like it was a big pile of things on me)
Panicked
Catastrophic thinking that magnifies everything (typical bl*dy aspie - arrgh)
No way to communicate properly
Tried to solve it like this:
Asked mumsnet if they could help, and they were lovely, which was a help in itself
Lots of people here and in rl were writing/texting/phoning to see if they could work out what to do (which is nice, but also overwhelming)
Spoke to autism team, many communications with those supporting me.
Worked out some strategies:
Prayer (since I have a strong faith). I had to learn how to pray in a way that distracted me from panicky thinking.
Small dog. He's learning to support me (after my other dog, Mrs C, sadly died), so it's helping calm me down better.
DH - he's had one 'all clear' from the hospital and is so much more like he used to be, which is a huge huge strain off me worrying that he was still going to die
Images - I have a startup image on the computer that lets me see how stressed I am. Difficult to explain how it works, but it does. If I'm looking at the "STOP!" thingy on it, I know not to log on.
I keep calming images in front of my computer at all times, so I can look at those every few seconds.
I've dropped one of the big voluntary things I was doing completely.
I'm working part time whenever I feel stressed or panicky.
I'm trying out a new set of potions to see if they help, which I think they are.
I've tried doing some debates to check that it really really wasn't general debate that was setting me off, and it isn't, which is good.
I'm trying to only go onto a few threads, and if anything looks too scary or if I can't work out the social interactions properly that day/time, I'm just avoiding it and doing the pray/look at image/hide under duvet thing until I calm down.
I'm praying that there'll be a quiet bit set up for SN anyway, just in case. But not for me - for everyone if they needed it for a bit.
And I really am sorry that I went off on one.