Adopting a child with special needs.

[Thunderduck]

DP and I have been discussing fostering/adopting a child with special needs once he finishes his PHD, which will be relatively soon.

I do have fertility issues, as according to a number of idiots people that's the only reason wwhy anyone would ever consider adopting a child with special needs,hmm but have always wanted to adopt a child with special needs whether we conceived or not, as has dp.

I'll be 25 soon,..weeps and dp is 26. We're open to adopting a child with a variety of special needs, physical,mental and those on the autistic spectrum disorder.

I've worked in childcare and while dp hasn't, he's great with children and adores them. He's even better than I am.

I have dyspraxia, not sure if that will be an issue when we're being assessed and while dp hasn't been diagnosed I'm pretty sure he isn't an NT either.

Anyway enough rambling from me. I'd appreciate hearing from anyone who has adopted/fostered a child with special needs, or indeed from anyone who has a child with special needs. Any thoughts or words of advice would be much appreciated.

My DD has global developmental delay with no overall diagnosis. She might 'catch up' and learn to speak and communicate her needs and wants. But it's more likely that she will have a permanent degree of learning disability.
I don't think DD's problems are the most complex in SN world but the amount of appointments she attends is still quite staggeringOT, physio, SALT, dietitican, vision clinic, audiology, paediatrician, medical paediatrician, portageplus all the education people: specialist teacher, SENCO, ed psych, etc.
As she gets older more of the health professionals will see DD at nursery/school, but it's something to bear in mind if you take on a small child.
The world we live in is geared to the needs of people without disabilities. I want the same things for DD as her 8 year-old NT brother: to ensure that she is well, happy and appropriately stimulated. But, for an SN child, achieving this is much harder work. You might well feel isolated and unappreciated. You might lose friends, simply because they can't relate or cope with what you are going through. And it might well be difficult to combine with a stimulating career. All the mums I know with children under 5 who have special needs (now, granted, this is probably less than 10 people so it is hardly a definitive survey) have decided to work part-time or put their careers on hold whilst their children are small.
Good luck though!

Thankyou Arabica. All of these things are certainly a consideration.

DP and I have been watching 'Born To Be Different' and it's quite an eye opener.

We're going to take this slowly and cautiously as we don't want to rush into anything for the child's sake and ours.

I have a friend in England who has a 9 year old with autism. She's struggled with him for years. She loves him very much but he's extremely difficult, barely sleeps, and is very violent.
He's being put into residential care soon, into an excellent school, where she'll still see him every weekend or so.
She's been on the verge of breakdown so many times and for a long time the only option given to her was to drug him into a stupor, which isn't fair to either of them.

She was eventually given 10 then 20 hours assistance per month but that's barely anything.

It took her almost 2 years to fight for a residential school placement and she had to pretty much tell them that if this continued her life and possibly her son's could be in danger as she was about to lose it.

He needs far more structure and better facilities than she can provide him with and he's miserable. She has been criticised but I think she's doing the right thing.

I spoke to her last night and hearing about the possible emotional toll,not just from caring for her son, but from having to fight for so long to get him any assistance, was very sobering and informative.

I have a friend with a similar DS and she loves him to bits, but her relationship has not survived all the stress, pressure and lack of support. It's very difficult, too when you don't have supportive family or friends to help out (something DH and I have struggled with: my mum's useless and his family all live abroad)

HI,

I always wanted to adopt or foster or become a family link carer for a disabled child having worked in the field since leaving school. Wasnt part of my plan to actually go on and have a son who is severely disabled .

Just wanted to say welcome to the board. youll get loads of info here

thunderduck- just read the bit you wrote about the fear you have about not being able to style their hair.......just take one look at my ds photo on my profile.....we'll say no more