Ds has HFA, now HV has concerns about dd. Please give me some advice.

[Springfleurs]

Ds (6) has a diagnosis of High Functioning Autism.

Took dd - 2.8 mo for her check today and the HV said she had some concerns but doesn't want to say anything definite just yet, will come and see dd at home to see if it was just the environment.

Anyone else have more than one child with autism? What are the chances when you already have one?

I told her that it wouldn't be the worst thing I could hear as I have obviously heard it before.

Feel a bit numb really. Dd points and shares things with me but has had a speech delay to almost exactly the same age as ds did. However when ds started speaking it was all echolalia. Dd's speech is spontaneous but not very clear. She does not like talking to people she does not know.

I am terrified that the powers that be will think it is me, that I am not bringing my dc up properly. That I am doing something wrong. HV asked me where dd's playgroup is. We do go to one but not very often, but go to the park every day so she has lots of contact with other kids. God I remember typing almost exactly the same about ds when I was worried about him.

Please come and advise me. I have no issues with her being autistic but is still a bit of a shock as she seemed so different.

it might be more of a speech delay than asd

So she's pointing, and shares attention with you? Just unclear speech?? I really wouldn't worry.

DS1 is severely autistic, by the time ds2 was 18 months I knew he wasn't autistic because he could communicate well, point etc etc. But goodness his speech. I referred him to SALT at 2 - and was told it was a year wait (ffs - for a high risk child). Anyway when he was 2 and 8 months he was still totally incomprehensible - I mean totally. 'grandad' for example was 'menya'. Granny was 'ook'. It was crazy. So I asked ds1's private SALT to assess him. She did and said his speech sounds were all over the place, he might have verbal dyspraxia etc. (as expected by us). We went away for a week (with him) and when we came back he was talking properly. We were astounded, the SALT had never seen anything like it, etc etc. She did wonder whether he had tuned into (non-verbal) ds1's sounds and used his sound pattern as some sort of model.

Anyway he's 7 now, loves being on stage, gets distinction in speech exams. You would never know.

Try not to worry- and autism is not environmental- so don't worry about that.

This must be a worry but how clued up is your HV? They are not usually well-versed in ASDs and neither are they qualified to dx anything. In any case, it was a bit off for this HV to say that she has some concerns about your dd but then not to elucidate exactly what are those concerns .

More importantly, do you have any concerns about your dd, other than her speech delay? Trust your instincts, they are usually right.

If you think it would ease your worry, would you be able to have your dd assessed by a SALT? I know the waiting lists can be long; could you perhaps see a private one, at least for an initial assessment?

Do you have a Children's Centre near to where you live? They often run drop-in sessions (which can be free) where your dd could meet other dc her own age. The Centre my ds attended when he was a pre-schooler had access to a SALT, physio, Clinical Psychologist, Community Doctor and Portage so they are definitely worth checking out.

I very much doubt that your parenting will be 'blamed' for any difficulties that your dc experience.

agree with the other posters that it may well be a speech delay/problems with pronunciation rather than anything more concerning. Is she having any SALT at all? btw late talking can run in families anyway, it's one of the questions SALT asks if there's any family history.

You are exactly where we are. My DS1 is 6, with ASD. his brother is so different, but HV has referred us - He was 3 this week. Just like your dd, his speech is not echolaic, though isn't very clear. He will not look at or talk to strangers. He is so much more aware of his world than his older brother and I swing from thinking he cannot be on the spectrum, to why not! I can relate to you feeling shocked. DS2 has been such an alert baby and toddler, and I guess i felt reassured, then it struck me how many idiosyncracies were creeping in to his behaviour and I thought OMG.
I have decided that I will go through the assessment process and keep an open mind. He is certainly quite a handful to manage. I feel I would rather he be on the radar than be missed and enter school unsupported as DS1 did. I think it is a good thing that your HV is alert to the possibility, rather than ignoring potential issues.
No one is going to think you are a bad parent. Autism is not a parenting issue.

MMJ - have to say my Children's Centre was nowhere near as good as what you describe. So much varies from area to area unfortunately in terms of drop in access to SALT etc. There was no direct access to SALT, the only professional I hadsome direct access to was an ed psych, who wasn't terribly useful and wouldn't be drawn on any specific advice re:ASD/DX etc.

TC, yes, they do seem to vary. In fact, you have reminded me, the Centre also had access to the LEA's Ed Psych. You know, we didn't have to do anything to get my ds into the system; he was assessed, dx, regularly seen by a SALT and her reports passed onto nursery staff and Statemented whilst he was in his last nursery year. The staff even helped parents fill in DLA forms if they needed it.

Hi, i have a dd1 with Aspergers and we are now waiting for dd2 to be diognossed with ASD/HFA, we always assumed dd2 was ok, but at 2.5 she still wasn't talking and our GP sent us to see a pead where they conformed that dd2 may have ASD. Dd1 is now 5 and dd2 is 3.2, dd2 is still almost non-verbal, dd1 has done really well and you wouldn't even know she has a dx of AS. I think girls seem to adjust to things a lot better than the boys, dd1 seems to fit in well at school and has learnt to cope with a lot of her AS traits (apart from wanting to win everything).

Both dd's have different traits (they are not alike at all), one loves to be hugged the other doesn't, they both like routine and order, one is tidy the other isn't.

Now we have 2 dd's on the spectrum we worry that if we decide to have more children they too may have ASD. I wouldn't change my girls for the world but i'm not sure if we could cope with 3 ASD children.

I think I once read somewhere that the odds of having a second child on the spectrum were about 1 in 30, but I wonder if that is representative of how we are on MN. So many people seem to have more than one child on the spectrum, it surely can't be that unusual.

I have ds1 who is possibly HFA/lang disorder, and ds2 who is 21 months and who I'm watching like a hawk. The key difference between them is that ds2 communicates far more easily, both verbally and non verbally, he seems to absorb new language easily and then uses it in context, and he understands how to turn take in conversation - for example, I might say to ds1, "hello ds1" and he'll reply "hello ds1". ds2 would reply "hello mummy." ds2 also points a lot, while looking at my face. I don't remember ds1 doing that very often.

If your dd is pointing and communicating, it sounds a very positive sign, as does the spontaneous speech. The speech may well just be delayed and suddenly make rapid progress. And nobody will think it's your parenting, I used to beat myself up about that with ds1, wondering if something I was or wasn't doing was stopping him from speaking. I know from ds2 that isn't the case and it's not with you either. Please don't give that another thought.

I have 2 boys with autism and a dd who is NT as far as I can tell.

The pointing and sharing sounds very positive. Ds2 is usually thought to be at the milder end of the spectrum than his brother but even he had to be taught what pointing was for and what it meant. Even now (he's 6) he tends to point with his middle finger rather than his index finger.

I think that one question to ask the HV is whether she would still be suspecting autism in your dd if there wasn't a family history of it. Or would she instead be thinking about a language delay.

I agree that your HV was a bit of track there by not sharing her concerns with you. In our case , the nursery had concerns ,so my HV went to ds nursery to observe him , she later rang me to say the nursery 's concerns were justified and she would refer him to a paed.
I don't think most professionels appreciate fully how much worry and anxiety , the 'not knowing ' or waiting can cause to parents.
Hang in there.

Thank you all so much. This info and advice has been incredibly reassuring.

Her speech is pretty dreadful, family understand her though, she talks to herself when playing and points a lot and says "look mummy", she does in fact talk quite a lot but not very clear. Also she is very shy and doesn't really respond to strangers. She was also very tired yesterday as she had missed her nap to be at the appointment. Was totally unco-operative. She does have almighty tantrums but I just put this down to the "terrible twos".

I do take her to a local childrens centre and baby gym probably averaging out to once a week. She is happy when there but doesn't seem that interested in the other kids.

Got a bit more perspective today after a good nights sleep and all your advice and stories have really helped. What will be will be.

I too, think that the figure 1 in 30 is not correct, I hear of so many people who have more than one child with autism.