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SN children

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Original poster

I messed up today.

23 replies

Hangingbellyofbabylon · 26/05/2009 17:45

Swore at dd2 in front of the neighbours, and I mean really really swore. . I am pregnant and she can walk short distances but as usual was refusing and also didn't want to get out of the car which was half way down the road as usual as don't have a disabled parking space. So I was hoiking dd2 who is 3 in my arms and the bags and trying to hold onto dd1 who was escaping into the road. DD2 kicking and screaming, sratching my face and slapping me. I just lost it and swore at her before pretty well dumping her on the doorstep. The two young lads from next door saw me and looked horrfied . They'll probably be calling social services on me before the day's out. I am officially a bad mum but I am so pissed off with the fact that her cerebral palsy has so many behavioural issues with it and no-one gives a damn, it's all about the physical side and no support for the weirdy obsessive behaviour I have to try and deal with 24/7. I'm so embarrassed, hope I don 't have to face the neighbours again for a few days.

OP posts:

sickofsocalledexperts · 26/05/2009 18:00

Oh god don't worry Hanging, I swear and scream at my kids all the time. And I'm not just saying that, I really do. I think it's important not to bottle anger up and then explode badly somewhere down the line, well that's my excuse anyway. My boy has ASD, so I know all about the behaviours. And swearing at your kids isn't actually against the law, so don't worry about the neighbours! No-one said we had to be saints, just because we have an SEN child. We all just do the best we can x

lou031205 · 26/05/2009 18:06

hanging, you should have heard me this afternoon. I haven't sworn but man is my throat sore from yelling!

Could you get a disabled bay? I know my council has a form you can fill in to apply.

movingintothefuture · 26/05/2009 18:07

Those of us with kids with ... (can't think of a work I like at the mo). we all snap sometimes and swearing is nothing - I took a bag of crockery into garden to smash individually (made me feel better but the neighbours thougt I was crackers and said so) The neighbour's kids have probably never come across the language and was shocked at hearing it. You have just taught them a lesson about real life

Hang in there sickof is right there is no law against swearing at your kids.

Barmymummy · 26/05/2009 18:10

Its day 1 of halfterm....by lunchtime I was ready to walk out and I am not joking! My throat is also sore from yelling and I still have 3 days left

Don't worry about the swearing, tomorrow is another day (thats what I tell myself anyway!). Are they doing anything at all to help you with her behaviours? I know how draining and wearing it can be, xx

psychomum5 · 26/05/2009 18:29

oh hangingbelly..

one bad moment in one bad day will not lead to you being a bad mum. you are a fab mum (and I know, I have met you after all), just having a stressful time, which is common for all parents.

we just have to pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off, and start over after a few million deep breaths.

and so what if they stared at you in horror. I would bet it was amazement of the loudness.....I get it a lot about the loudness of my yelling

5inthebed · 26/05/2009 21:08

You're only human HBOB. You're not the worlds worst parent just because you shouted and swore at your DD.

Being pregnant can't help either! Tomorrow is a new day, it'll be forgotten by then

Original poster

Hangingbellyofbabylon · 26/05/2009 21:57

Thanks everyone. She ended up being awful at bed-time as well, decided that tonight she must fall asleep stroking my arm. I kept trying to settle her but after an 40 mins of me sitting on the bedroom floor with a numb bum and her still sobbing, I picked her up and she fell asleep in my arms in my bed. We're not getting any help with her behaviour, haven't even seen the paediatrician for a year and our last appointment got cancelled with no sign of a new one. Can't apply for disabled bay as the council don't currently have a form available to be filled in due to the man who does the forms being made redundant and not being replaced - or so I'm told by a very disgruntled man in the department when I rang.

I don't know, I guess I'm panicking a bit about how I will handle things when my new baby arrives. Dd2 is still so dependent on me and only me both physically and emotionally and I just don't know how to change that but know I will need some time out for this new little bubba as well.

The lads next door probably looked shocked cos they are total piss-heads in their late 20's still living with mummy and daddy and they spend half the time in their garden shouting and swearing whilst I am to be heard generally tutting and huffing at their lewdness!! I guess that will teach me.

OP posts:

5inthebed · 26/05/2009 22:23

Thats a ridiculous excuse HBOB! The council might even be breaking a few laws there.

Can you maybe see you GP and ask to be referred, or maybe call the hospital department that deals with your DD?

How many weeks pregnant are you now?

Original poster

Hangingbellyofbabylon · 26/05/2009 22:34

24 weeks pregnant. Yes, it is utterly ridiulous. Have rung a couple of times and have been told to take it up with my local councillor. I keep meaning to but at the moment I've got so many battle running with various health professionals and agencies (just starting legal process for negligence surrounding dd's birth) and I just don't feel able to take on battle parking space as well - although it would make such a difference to me I guess I should find out who my local councillor is to start with. .

OP posts:

catinthehat2 · 26/05/2009 22:45

key in your postcode and email your councillor

catinthehat2 · 26/05/2009 22:47

Sorry, missed a bit out:

"Here's a site where you can..."

sounded a bit blunt!

Original poster

Hangingbellyofbabylon · 26/05/2009 22:49

have found my councillors - they look a bit wet tbh and don't even live in the local area but will have a go at composing an email. my councillor

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catinthehat2 · 26/05/2009 22:56

Actually she's a lot better than my councillor. Has posted home phone, has interst in planning, families/children and communities.
Honestly, I would call her up rather than email and ask for her help in getting the form.
Can you roll up to her surgery - she actually bothers to have one!

5inthebed · 26/05/2009 22:58

She seems ok, especially as she something to do with children/families.

Didn't realise you were starting the negligence case already! Hope that all goes well for you.

MatNanPlus · 26/05/2009 22:59

Yikes HBOB, i would go with emailing all 3, even tho 2 are married. Best of luck.

catinthehat2 · 26/05/2009 23:03

There's an excellent website out there which keeps tabs on MPs. As with councillors, the clue is in the name - theyworkforyou.com.

IMO, I think you will get some action with your issue, simply because it would look bad in the local press if you didn't.

Also, what seems difficult to you might actually be straightforward for her if its a question of picking up a phone and bollocking the right p[erson.

donkeyderby · 26/05/2009 23:04

Your council may be breaking the Disability Discrimination Act by preventing you from getting a disabled bay for your child's needs. mention the DDA in your letter to whoever - it could make them speed up a bit.

As to the shouting - if anyone witnessed me trying to stop my ds attacking me in ASDA car park today, I expect they will try to report me to social services. I didn't get my shopping either.

Original poster

Hangingbellyofbabylon · 26/05/2009 23:04

yes, I got my notes from dd's birth a few weeks back and it is all pretty horrific. I contacted a local solicitor who thinks it's worth pursuing so we're starting the process, will be months to even sort out the legal aide for dd but it's a start. I also have a 'talkback' appointment with the hospital this week to go over dd's birth as somehow I have to get myself in a position where I actually trust them to deliver this baby safely. Actually this thread has been good as it has made me realise I do have rather a lot going on and perhaps the swearing at dd incident could be forgiven.. .

OP posts:

lou031205 · 27/05/2009 18:13

If you live where I think you do, from the info in your link, then this is the form you need for a disabled bay

lou031205 · 27/05/2009 18:19

Hmm, further reading indicates they are 'redoing' the form. But I would fill it in anyway, take a copy, and then you have proof that you asked for one.

Original poster

Hangingbellyofbabylon · 27/05/2009 21:51

thanks lou - worth a try. Have been told they are re-doing the form but aren't actually re-doing it due to lack of staff and something to do with a legal case

OP posts:

daisy5678 · 28/05/2009 21:21

Hope things get a little easier for you.

I think you end up developing a thick skin with neighbours - mine won't even look at me because I end up having to lock put J in the garden when he's in a particularly murderous (wanttostabmummywanttokillmummy) or destructive (throwchairsmashwindowthrowtable) mood.

His response is to 1) try to smash the (luckily toughened) windows and 2) scream to the neighbours, 'she's killing me, help, help, call childline, call the police, send her to the childline prison' .

The neighbours must think we're crackers. I can't decide if they're uncaring people or sensible people not to have called SS or childline, tbh!

The last place we lived at, the neighbour had to be persuaded not to call the police. J is a very noisy tantrummer and I have been known to shout very loudly in frustration at times . We've all been there.

J's psych has suggested telling our neighbours about the autism and I am considering getting over my pride and doing so.

Take care x

Bigpants1 · 29/05/2009 01:54

Oh my, I can shout, and my neighbours can bear witness to that. Also know some nice rude words too....
I dont know much about CP, but was interested in your description of her other behaviour. I have 2 sons with ASD, and your description made me think your dd sounds similar. Has your dd ever been assessed for ASD? Have you ever considered she maybe/have some traits?(sorry, not wanting to stress you or add to your load). In any case, it seems a v.long time since anyone saw your dd.Either ring your Paed and insist he/she reviews your dd, or see your GP and get them to re-refer you as a matter of urgency.Your dds condition may have changed since she was last seen, but in any case, it is good practise to review dc, and you could find reasurance that everything is ok or further investigations needed, or just to speak to Pead. and vent that it is not only dds physical disabilities you have to manage, but challenging behaviour also. If you could have this appoint. before you have the baby,then you will be clearer in your mind, where you are going with your dd.
You are not a bad mummy,you are like us all-loving our dc, but being worn to a frazzle,in a system that is often far from helpful. Take care of yourself.

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