Attention seeking behaviour worsened and I am not coping!

[magso]

Ds (9 s/mLD/ASD) has grown up so much over the last 1-2 years. Attention seeking - especially from me (main care) have been issues all along. The dx of autism helped in that we could work out better what was sensory driven and what he had control over.
All was going much better but then I got ill and disopeared to (emergency admission so no time to prepare him) hospital for a while! He understands I was/am ill. I am recovering all be it slowly.
At first I thought Ds had coped really well ( he got me a blanket when I passed out and caried his own bag when I was too tired to help him) and generally behaved maturelly for the first week or so. However as I recover I am finding that ds increased need for attention combined with my very short fuse, lowered vigilence and low energy are a lethal combination. I usually stay calm and detached when ds makes unreasonable bids for attention, but the whining and deliberate naughtyness/disobedience are hard to tolerate and today I just wish I could leg it!! ( Ofcourse I will not). It is also half term and usually I would fill it with activities which I cannot do or face at present. I took him to a cafe and his behaviour was appalling and I felt totally ineffective as a parent. It also felt very personal it was all aimed at embarrising me. We will not go out alone again this holiday.
I am different (short on everthing!) and it feels like ds has regressed back to toddlerdom again. I realise that part of the change is that I am behaving differently (I am not on the ball and simply cannot run after him at present something he is delighted by - and his extreme messiness is upsetting me simply because it is so much harder to rectify at present.
I suppose what is really upsetting me is how I feel about the behaviour. I do not want to spell it out but just to say that I think I need a kick up the backside to see the positives and organise a plan of action! I have organised as much cover as I can for the holidays (the lovely local afterschool club that took care of ds whilst I was in hospital!)- but this is only putting off dealing with the difficult behaviour!
Can I get things back on track? How have others managed when ill?

Magso, first of all I hope you are getting better and better, and sorry you have been ill. I have been wondering to what extent your DS's behaviour has to do, among other things (disruption/change), with being worried and anxious about you being ill. I have seen NT children showing really bad behaviour when their mums were sick precisely because they were scared, and didn't quite know how to articulate that. I imagine that must be magnified in a child with ASD - perhaps the doctors could help you explain to him exactly what has been going on, and that you are going to get better?

Thanks SC13 for answering and for your good wishes.
I think you may be right he was worried about me. It was a bit of a surprise to realise that he was concerned as he is still basically egocentric (he has LD so understands like a much younger child)- hence being so pleased when he tried to help me. I suspect he wants me back the way I was - cool calm and organised (I wish ). However I suspect its also because I am rising to the bait more than usual - my tolerance is so very low at present. When I was first out of hospital it all went over my head! Ear plugs might help!
Ds thinks in black and white so perhaps this in between stage of being up and about but not fully fit is particularly difficult for him!

magso, being ill and coping with the very difficult behaviours that a child with SN brings is incredibly hard.
I am not at all surprised that your tolerance is very low now. When I feel the sick in the slighted my energy levels go out of the door and my fuse is non existent. So you should be very proud of how you've handled things.

I agree with sc13, it does sound like DS is reacting to your illness. Maybe he is scared, change is always difficult for any child more so one with SN. If you have changed he will have noticed.

I don't have any words of wisdom as I have never been through this, but could you think of ways to reassure him? That all is fine and your are okay? I hope things improve xx.

Don't have any words of wisdom, but . I'd agree with the others that he's probably scared/worried about your illness and unable to articulate it. I remember how awful DD was when I was pg with DS (perfectly healthy pg but was v. sick and coped v. badly). I would, as far, as you can, ignore it until you are feeling up to dealing with it.
Also, we all have days when we take them to a cafe and they behave like sh*t! It's just worse because you've been ill and you can't cope like you normally do. Best to cut yourself and him some slack until you've recovered!

Thanks Mojo, Brioche and Fio.
Well the out of school club (it is ms but they are brilliant with ds and take him when they are quiet as they are this week) are taking ds for the rest of the week! He went yesterday afternoon and had a lovely time and was much calmer when he got home. I feel like I've abdicated on the parenting! Still hopefully give me a chance to sleep by day(ds was wakeful half the night). At least we have the DLA coming in to help pay for it!
Fio -no I have not asked SS although CAMHS are aware of the situation. I should ring SS and ask for an assessment (it was what I had planned to do before I was admitted as have been under the weather since Christmas). Thanks for reminding me!