late toilet learning...

[lurkielurker]

I just lurk on the SN topic, but I have a wonderful 5 yo with various developmental delays

so.

He knows exactly when he needs to poo or pee, and always likes to have a parent holding his hands while he goes - to sort of lean on. Will not go without a nappy on, and is anxious if no nappy is put on after a change.

He is willing to have his nappy changed right by the loo, with that wet loo paper stuff, which then goes into the loo with lots of "good bye poo!" stuff. Also happy to have the poo knocked off the nappy into the loo. "good bye poo!"

Not willing to sit on the open loo seat under any circs. hasn't communicated why.

Scared of the flush noise, though ok if wearing ear defenders (has very sensitive hearing)

Also anxious about seeing anyone else on the loo, I think because of the impending flush.

Punishment and rewards are a non-starter with this child. Any ideas of creative ways to move us beyond this impasse? Ideas just to help him sit on the open loo would be much appreciated (closed loo is no problem!)

portable DVD player playing a new fave DVD whilst sat on loo? apols if he's not into TV so that won't motivate him.

I assume all bribery and/or reward charts have been tried and failed?

and nappy on, on open loo wont wash either?

how about a loo seat thats NOT on the loo? is it a fear of falling IN the water? it does all seem to centre around the water.

DS2 had a big toilet phobia for ages, we think he was scared of falling in.
We started by encouraging him to sit on the toilet with the lid down & trousers etc on.

Also only ds2 was allowed to flush, putting him in control.

He also hated the plug holes etc. So we tackled that one at the same time.

Once he had built up confidence etc we gradually introduced the idea him sitting on the seat with lid up.

Good luck!

i cant help im afraid but i do sympaphise my ds will wee in a toilet but will not poo at all becomes hysterical ive tried everything

its nappy on and all is ok we did leave it with no nappy he held it for over a week and become severely constipated for 3 mths so we went back to nappies again

hoping we'll get there eventually with the gradual sit on for 5 mins etc i likes me reading a story and we have a chart called the poo chart lol so every time he even just sits on he gets sticker even if he just sits and gets back off again gradually his sitting for longer and did have a push while on there the other day but again no luck

We got a 'toilet chair' from Social Services OT - DS2 has only just toilet trained at 6, as a direct result of using this. It just seemed to remove some of the fear of 'letting go' - maybe because there's not such a big 'drop' and also because his feet were on the floor. We were also able to move it where ever we wanted, which was a huge advantage - for him in front of the TV was the best place.

We're not there yet with poo, but wee is completely sorted (and this was the fourth time we've tried to toilet train him. (He has autism with SLD).

Also got a book - ' I Can Flush' by Katherine Sully, which has a sound effect of a toilet flushing. DS2 used to be very frightened of it too - he's now fascinated!

It's called a Combi Toileting Chair. Thinking about what you said about him 'leaning' I think it could be a good thing to try, if you can get SS or OT to supply one (they're horrendously expensive to buy).

you women are wonderful.

Thank you.

I'm trying to decide at the moment whether to go for taking the current activity into the bathroom while peeing/pooing happens (books/ dvds etc, lots of time just in the bathroom)

or whether to introduce the idea that activities get interrupted for peeing/pooing, by moving to a place just outside the bathroom when he needs to go.

What do you think?

Those chairs look great but they are so bloody expensive

Any ideas about how one might help a child who will only poo or pee standing with legs apart (and leaning/holding on to parent) - moving that so it's happening over some sort of receptacle but still with nappy on? I can't imagine moving straight to being comfortable doing it sitting.

I'm so keen to avoid trauma thereby setting us back another 6 months, yk?

I know! We had to wait AGES for ours - and at one point I got so frustrated I looked into buying one - then quickly revised my opinion!

Does your DS get OT Lurkie? If so, might be worth contacting them to see if you can get a chair lent to you - it wasn't a one-off for us as my friend has just got one for her DD. You could get him to stand over it first.

Where are you btw? If you're nearby I'm quite happy to illegally lend you ours.