*Misscutandstick* & Co. ADHD question ....

[ICANDOTHAT]

My ds2 was in the park last night and thought nothing of joining a group of 14/15 yr olds who were happily climbing a tree and generally fooling around (harmless bunch). He walked straight up to them, no hello or introduction, tried to get on one of their shoulders and climb up the tree. When a small 'bundle' occurred, again harmless, he threw himself on the top of it giggling. The other kids just laughed and started chatting to him and jeering him on to 'bundle' one of their mates. When I said he shouldn't just run up and join in like that if he didn't know them , he said "but they are my friends now"

Is this the impulsivity, personal space thing or just that he's friendly and confident ??? Made me think what I would have thought if he didn't have the dx. I can remember my ds1 (NT) being a bit like this as we always encouraged him to be confident, but he too sometimes came across a bit 'brash'.

sorry its taken so long to get back, only just spotted it.

Firstly just want to state for the record that this is just my opinion and observations that i have made about my child and his life.

hmm, DS1 who is 16 and ADHD can come across as an overconfident self-assured egomaniac on occasions. Then sometimes (eg a bank or shop) doesnt dare even look at the assistant and let alone bring himself to actually speak to them. ADHD is part of the 'spectrum' with all its social ettiquette problems. For instance DS1 (once hes got over crippling 'shyness') will then proceed to stand far too close, speak nose to nose, in rather louder than needed voice about some topic of conversation that would only be spoken of in a dark room between 2 intimately involved adults!

In most social situations DS1 cant quite 'get it right' - too loud, wrong person, wrong subject, you name it! And i strongly suspect its more to do with the spectrum (with reference to impulsivity and social conduct) rather than of personality, as so many children with ADHD, Aspergers or ASD seem to struggle with it. However DS1 is not as impulsive as he once was, so that has matured (as has my father apparently! whos also ADHD), but both my father (58yrs) and my son are still socially quite useless!

PS actually its rather funny when my dad starts chatting about something that his wife would rather he not!

Thanks. I am seeing him change all the time, some behaviours disappearing, new ones taking their place. The new ones tend to be more about emotions and self worth rather than actual behaviour. His quite stressed about school and this is really worrying me as he is only 6. His self esteem is at it's lowest which I didn't think any kids of 6 could be. He constantly talks about his stupid brain, having something wrong with him and being an idiot. I spend all my time with him trying to bring him back up. This can't be right I haven't spoken to him about the ADHD and I do not intend to as feel he is way too young. Can I ask when and if you talked to you ds1 about his dx and how you explained it to him. I need to talk again with his teachers as I have heard them talking to him very badly recently and have also had parent helpers working in the school tell me how inappropriately he is spoken to. Not sure how to approach them without pissing them off to the point where they take it out on him. He is not SEN, but has an IEP.

CAn i ask what his Dx is and how long you've had it?

I dont want to be the bearer of bad news and to be the one that points this out, BUT, ADHD kinda comes with having SEN - children with ADHD usually need to learn a slightly different way to a typical child of their age, or at least do well with ways designed for a slightly shorter attention span. Obviously every child is different. DS1 had an IQ of 120 at the age of 8yrs, so one may think that he didnt have traditional 'SEN', but he had the attention skills of a goldfish.

Is your SENCO any use? Ive met some that are worse than useless and some that are brill.

I think we told DS1 when he was around 8 or 9 I think - when the testing and appt reached dizzy heights and he was wondering what was going on. He said that it made him feel better because he got really frustrated that he didnt have friends and everyone did (he was a whirlwind and other kids couldnt really keep up emotionally, as it was a roller coaster ride for everyone else).

we told him in a matter of fact medical way. What was happening in his brain (with reference to 'misfiring', and the receptors not picking up messages that have been sent from another part of his brain, and then the message needs to be sent again) and why certain chemicals made it worse by coating the receptors so they didnt work as efficiently as they could, and that was just the way his brain grew. And then went thru a long list of high acheiving famous people that have the same condition. Billy Connolly being his favourite. I think he sees it as being part of an elite group rather than anything to be ashamed of. We never went the medication route as we felt it wasnt needed - he was never violent,just incredibly impulsive.

Just another quick Q. Have you applied for DLA? Children with ADHD DO generally need more supervision than a same age NT child, just to keep them safe, and usually have difficulty sleeping too (DS1 didnt sleep thru until nearly 5 - even then he still woke up plenty, but amused himself and watched vides in his room), so dont feel a fraud applying if you havent already.

His dx is 'Mild ADHD'. He is not medicated and his SENCO does not think he is SEN and has never advised us to apply for a statement. I think things may be changing and I feel I need to fight his corner now. She has always maintained it would be a waste of time as he is not severe enough. Whenever he has been observed, it takes ages for the visit as she puts him down as 'non-urgent' I can't have him moving to junior school 'under this cloud'. School is where the most problems lie. He is popular and has friends (lots of party invites etc), but just recently he says he has no friends and no-one likes him - all related to the self-image thing, I think. Also, if his teacher is losing her patience, the other kids will pick up on this and think his a bad boy. He is doing well academically and has a reading age of 7 (not sure how common that is though). He is on target for everything - it's just his lack of attention and needing constant prompting to stay on task, also very silly behaviour - class clown and loving the audience. She says he 'Drives her mad' - NICE ! I think I need to have a chat and start making some noise on his behalf.

Sorry forgot to mention - not applied for DLA as do feel a bit of fraud doing so and feel it should go to others who 'really' need it Is that silly of me ??

bump

im sorry i dont think ive explained myself very well.

I would consider 'SEN' ANY methods used to help a child to learn that wouldnt necessarily be used in an average classroom. So, for instance, giving a child further easy to understand instructions, or extra prompts, or even pre-printed sheets instead of the child having to write something out, or even re-seating them in a chair which has less distractions (ie at the front) I would consider as 'special' or 'additional'.

Very many children do not need statementing that may have additional educational needs.

I think that DS1 was at his peak of 'behaviour issues' at around 8 or 9, as a 5y/o he was lovely! I think he went to school and it was all down hill from there! He was removed from school at year 6. Although having chatted to a few mums with children who have ADHD, experiences of worst behaviour vary a very great deal. ALthough all mums agreed that their child seemed a bit 'young for age'.

As for DLA, does your DS sleep well? does his impulsivenes cause damage and harm? Is he unsafe to be left alone? Tis your choice really, wether to apply or not.

Thanks again. He sleeps really well, min 10 hrs a night. He is not a danger to himself or anyone else. I can leave him upstairs or downstairs alone .... He often gets up and watches TV downstairs and makes his own cereal. He hasn't caused any damage so far .... I understand your point about SEN and statements. His teacher was specific about him not being SEN However, there are 'special' arrangements in the class for him and he is on an IEP. He sits on chair at front, has more input from T/A, has to repeat instructions back to teacher to ensure he's understood, egg timer for staying on task. I can feel things deteriorating because of the pressure he feels at school - am crapping myself now - it's happened over a number of weeks. I don't think the staff have any experience of ADHD. It's a very very small school. She did out herself on a half day course about it, not sure what they learnt there. We don't get the same level of behaviour at home that they seem to get at school. I can't tell if his immature really at this age, that may become more apparent as his peers mature, but he is beginning to understand the world around him more and able to articulate his sadness over the way he is treated and his own behaviors Thanks again for taking the time.

perhaps a double edged knife that your DS seems a lot more self aware than my ds was.

i think all i can advise is a chat with the senco and teacher and hope that it works out. Im not sure about the self esteem issues, i think that the only thing i have read is to take some time to constantly bolster self confidence, not only by praise but offering new experiences which he can gain confidence in knowing that he has acheived and can be proud of himself.

Im sorry i cant be more help. Good luck. XXX