Britain's 'forgotten children' - what is all this about???

[mamadadawahwah]

I feel very uneasy with all the adoption and 'forgotten' children business on television lately.

with SS not doing their jobs, and blaming parents/stealing their children away for no reason, I wonder of the stories behind these so called 'forgotten' children.

a friend of mine has gone through hell with SS having all 6 of her children taken from her for no reason. The SS are now being sued by her (they are all back home, but traumatised).

the prospective adoptive parents were shown to be 'choosing' prospective children like they would choose a pet.

If you notice, a lot of those children had physical/neurological difficulties.

looking at the previous thread here in this section about a home educating family and their seriously disabled daughter being maligned and scrutinised unecessarily by SS, it makes you wonder how many of those children were deemed to have unfit parents when in fact they were quite capable.

The only experience i have of children being removed, was definately for the better. I have known of 2 'families' where their children were removed and as heartbreaking as it was for EVERYBODY (including the SS woman, the police, and another bod who ive no idea who she was) were ALL in tears. It was horrible.

However that said, both sets of children are now well looked after, look healthier (clean and well fed) and happier (they now have gorgeous infectious smiles) than they ever have been.

One mum sees them weekly, and the other has declined supervised access.

I think its a really tough call on services, they do a hard job, and whichever way you look at it, very rarely seem to get it right.

Incidentally: agree on the 'choosing' thing - that didnt seem right at all... but perhaps better matching families up from the start, rather-than-slap-dash-hope-it-turns-out-all-right kinda situation and possibly go on to make things worse when it doesnt work out? i dunno really.

I've no experience of this whole area, so what follows may be v. ignorant, but we watched a different program recently - which was trying to show how parents are forced into adopting abroad because the adoption process here is so rigorous - however I ama fraid to say that one of the families that had been refused adoption here - and now had children were filmed with children playing on a trampoline
a) no net on trampoline
b) more than one child PLUS an adult on the trampoline - this is really really dangerous
c) on the ground just beside the trampoline was an old window - so if someone had catapulted off of the trampoline, they'd have landed on the window -ouch

I am afraid the thought did cross my mind that while children shouldn't be wrapped in cotton wool, this was a bit of an accident waiting to happen - and that things like this would have had to have appeared on any assessment by social services...

I have no nets on ether of my trampolines-I also have 4 children of various ages including DS with Sld who all bounce at the time on occasions. (I DO NOT have a window next to them though)

Does this mean I should have my children removed?

I appreciate that you are entitled to you opinions but children and families in real life do not follow rules and regulations and quite frankly its attitudes like this that lead to perfectly happy, respectable, caring families being ripped apart by so called 'do gooders'. No offence intended to you.

We were also abit at 'choosing' children-it felt abit like a child auction!

plus if they were being filmed for tv why didnt they move it, they obviously didnt even see the danger!!

the window that is! i havent time or energy to write my entire views on adoption etc now got to do the washing - know what id rather be doing

The point of the Channel 4 series "Find me a family" is to place older children who have physical or behavioral disabilities with adoptive families. I think it's doing a good thing by shedding light that not all adoptions are of babies (which are actually few and far between) and kids like those shown also require 'homes'. Mind you I couldn't take the first program seriously, as the adoptive mum looked too much like Katherine Tate to me.

It's not the law to have a net on a trampoline, however it is dangerous. Don't think this should be grounds not to be able to adopt though ... if it were, many parents would be having their kids taken in to care.

I thought the reason people adopted from abroad was because they can get much younger children and babies. Here, there simply isn't enough. It isn't because the adoption rules are harder in the UK, is it ? I thought they had to go through the same procedure even if they are adopting from abroad.

you make a good point, monstermum - I have to confess we have a "professional" visiting my house next week - and I'll need to go round at the weekend to "fix" all the horrors that we usually have lying around (bet I'll find headache pills not locked away, cleaning stuff without childproof lids within reach, relocating the kettle that's far too near edge of worktop ....)
At least you cant accidentally lock yourself in the toilet any more - mind you by the time she'd finished with us, I might wish you could

You have to be approved by your own Social Services to adopt from abroad.

Prospective adoptive parents do not choose children 'like they would choose a pet'.

The point is that families are 'matched' with children, ultimately in the hope (it can never, sadly, be surety) that having been removed from one family situation/given up for adoption by birth family the new 'forever family' will be just that - a family forever. As the children being adopted have been through trauma already, the aim is that the adoptive families know as much as possible about the child/ren, and are totally committed to keeping them safe, loving them and standing by them forever. So the child is safe, loved, happy and able to fulfill her/his potential.

And, yes, you do need the approval of your local social services to adopt from abroad. Close friends of mine have been through the process. We were referees for them.