Dd2 has Autism, i know she has Autism, so why does it hurt so much when a Pead says she has Autism :(

[Marne]

Just got back for d2's pead appointment and feeling feeling angry and upset.

The pead only saw her for 5 minutes, in that time she said 'dd2 is in her own little world' (dd2 did not respond to her at all), she said dd2 will be getting a dx of Autism as it is clear she is Autistic, she also said dd2 will need a lot of help when she starts main stream in 2010. So she worked this out in 5 minutes of seeing dd2 , i know she has all the reports from the dx team and portage but several times she got dd2 muddled up with dd1 (AS) and she didn't even atempt to play with dd2.

I know dd2 has ASD but it hurts so much to hear it from someone (a pead) who doesn't even know dd2 .

I also asked about a refferal to a OT for her sensory issues, she asked me what dd's problems are and i explained them, her answer to most of them was 'oh well an OT won't help with that, its just something you have to put up with with ASD' .

I'm now so scared for dd2's future .

Oh Marne, I am sorry this was such a bad experience . It does hurt when someone else says what you probably knew anyway - right now perhaps you should take a few days 'off' just letting it all out, and then think about how to move on.
The stuff about putting up with it is just unacceptable - as I said, perhaps wait a little until you feel better, and then insist on a referral anyway - make things look worse than necessary if you have to.
I'm scared shitless about DS's future - the only thing is really to think about one day, or one week, or one main target at the time. Right now, let's say your target could be to recover a bit from this, and then try to get that OT referral. Lots of virtual hugs!!

We managed to get a referral for OT but only to help with her sensitivity to sound.

If i had a pound for every time i have been asked 'is her hearing ok?' i would be rich. Do there people actually have a clue about Autism?

I went in there thinking that they would notice the difference in dd2 since last time she saw her (almost a year ago). Dd's eye contact has improved, her understanding has improved and she has begun to speak. I feel like she has put dd2 down and dd hasn't improved at all .

I am looking into going private to see an OT as the waiting list here is huge, i don't know how we will pay for it but if she needs top see a OT then that's what she will get.

She asked if dd2 was getting funding for help at nursery, dd2 has been fine at nursery without any help so we have not been offered any, portage goes to see her at nursery once a week and they say she's doing great.

I'm just so confused now, i wish i could just shut us all in the house and not bother with the outside world.

I don't know how much more i can cope with, its like i had a little bit of hope that dd2 would improve (like her sister did) and now its been taken away.

I'm new to all this too, and it is confusing. Have you contacted the NAS? They're really good with practical advice on things like where you can get money from (DLA and all that) and support groups and courses for parents.
The fact that your DD has improved is what matters; not the fact that she didn't 'perform' for the paed.
Take some time - this needs to sink in. Shut yourself in the house if that will help you recharge your batteries. Your DD (from your other posts) sounds lovely, and I'm sure that with time she'll make even more progress

"I went in there thinking that they would notice the difference in dd2 since last time she saw her (almost a year ago). Dd's eye contact has improved, her understanding has improved and she has begun to speak. I feel like she has put dd2 down and dd hasn't improved at all"

Well we have noticed Marne

I think you'll shake off this silly paed's five minutes of inattention and get back to doing what you do so well which is supporting your dds.

Oh Marne . What an awful paed appointment. Somtimes they re so tactless.

I was the same with ds2. We were told before christmas that we probably does have autism, but when the dx appointment came in Feb, there was a part of me still in denial and hoping that they would say, actually he hasn't.

Will your DD2 be going to MS or SN school? I only ask as my DS2 started at a SN nursery, and his behaviour and sensory issues have all been helped here, and he has come on so well.

Thank you Ingle- your post made me cry (happy tears), most people she see's (SALT, Portage, SN nursery) can see an improvement, i shouldn't let one pead appointment get to me, i wish i could just forget it (hopefully in a few days i will).

A year ago dd2 wouldn't even come to her name or look at me in the eye, she didn't understand a word i would say to her. Now i can say 'shoes dd2' and she will get me her shoes, she greets me each morning with a big hug, looks into my eyes and smiles, i can now play games with her and she takes it in turns, she can also communicate with me using a few words, signs and PECS. If thats not improvement then i don't know what is.

5inthebed- she has been going to sn nursery for 6 months and has done well there but is now not enjoying it, she started doing a couple sessions in MS a few weeks ago and is enjoying it a lot more than SN nursery and is more verbal (mainly babbling and singing) when she gets home.

She's my little princess and always has a smile on her face.

Sometimes I think that the diagnosis doesn't actually mean that much. DD doesn't have autism, but that doesn't mean life is any easier for her than it would be if she did, IYSWIM. Also, with the autism diagnosis you have more access to services, don't you (at least in the UK)? Still, it always hits you like a ton of bricks when it's CONFIRMED that there's something different about your child.
I take every day at a time. My DD is a lovely, happy little girl, with a beautiful smile and a real joy in life. I honestly have no idea if she will ever live independently (probably she will, but I have days when it just doesn't seem possible). It IS hard at school when you see the NT kids but then DD loves being around the other children, even if she can't interact with them on their terms.
But your DD sounds a bright little thing. All kids can improve given the right help. Don't let an insensitive paed get you down. She's made so much progress this year, surely there's no reason why it shouldn't continue.