People are starting to notice that dd2 doesn't speak

[Marne]

We took dd2 to get new shoes yesterday and then took her to a few shops as its not often i get the chance, dh had the day off work so we thought it would be nice to take dd2 out.

She had a melt down in the shoe shop and the lovely lady in the shop was trying to talk to her, dd was totally blanking her and babbling to herself. The woman looked a bit anoyed that dd was blanking her .

Next we looked around a couple second hand shops, in each one the laddies behind the tills tried to talk to dd2, one asked if she was shy, i said 'no, she has autism' and got a very odd look.

Dh was a bit upset as this was the first time in a few months that he had been out with dd2 and he said 'people are starting to notice that she is different' i felt a bit upset but what he's saying is very true. Dd2 looks a lot bigger than her age (she's3.2 but as big as a 4-5 year old), she still goes in a pushchair as sometimes she will refuse to walk.

This morning i put her badge in (which says 'i'm not ignoring you, i have Autism) as advised by dh and then i get people coming up to me and questioning whether she has Autism and saying 'all kids ignore people don't they?'.

I just get fed up with people staring, i don't mind people knowing she has Autism and i like telling people about Autism but i worry about the people who don't have a clue what Autism is and thinking dd is thick because she can't talk.

Sorry about the rant, just needed to write down how i feel .

Some days (when i'm at home with her) she seems to be doing so well and i start thinking 'maybe she will come across as a normal child to others and maybe she will be ok to start main stream school next year' and then i take her out (around other children) and her Autism shows so much and i think 'how the hell will she cope in main stream' and i worry about what the future will bring for her .

We have to see her pead tomorrow to talk about her education, i think they will be sending her to main stream but i am so scared she will not cope, i also worry about bullying . We have a lovely sn school which is made up of mainly autistic children but so far i have been told that she is very bright and would do better in ms.
She's just started MS nursery and seems to be doing well, most of her problems are sensory, we are trying to get her a OT but the waiting list is huge.

it does get more noticable with age it's true. Most people that I say 'he's autistic' to are generally interested and supportive. You do get comments like 'but I just heard him say pink doughnut' and they don't stop to think but yes, the average NT five year old would be saying a lot more ! I have moments of thinking he is doing really well but with a reality check like DS2 around it' not always easy. I think you need to get some answers about possible schooling and what MS could offer in the way of support and why this is the best option for her. It's hard to know what bright means in an ASD context, i have been told this too about DS1 but he still can't talk like his brother and when it comes to schooling that's a big problem.

5inthebed, Dd2 wont be 4 until march so she doesn't start school until the following year which gives us a little more time to hopefully get her talking. How verbal is your ds? and has improve a lot over the past year?, i wish i could tell how dd2 would be in the next year, she has started to babble and say a couple words which is hopeful but she still doesn't interact with other children (she will play along side them).

Her speech is the main worry at the moment as the sensory issues have improved slightly. She is great with numbers and can count to 10 and can arrange the letters of the alphabet with magnetic letters. She has good pen control and can draw simple pictures (face, fish, tree), she seems very bright but her communication is poor.

I have exactly the same thing with my son who will be four next month and sometimes I feel really awkward but I've realised that the awkwardness is in my head. My daughter was very shy and my oldest son had delayed speech (not an ASD tho') and both of them would generally not respond appropriately to adult overtures at a similar age - I just used to say "He / she is shy" (which wasn't even true in my son's case!), and think no more about it. Since I realised that I had a bit of a hang-up with the dx as opposed to with the other two kids, if it's just a fleeting thing (like at a till) I just brush it off - for more extended contact like a shoe fitting I might briefly explain. I can't help what people think and so long as my son isn't actually causing any problem I don't really need to explain anything - he's a small child after all and they can be contrary with or without labels!

Talking to my son's nursery teachers today they said that children don't really start interacting with each other until 3 to 3.5, so I don't think your daughter is particularly late for that.

I'm sorry, I don't know your background story, but are you getting any help with SALT or anything like that?

Marne, I really feel for you - it takes a lot to get the thick skin you need to be a parent of an sn child. Mine is about to be 7 and I still struggle sometimes.

It takes a lot of courage to keep going out sometimes.

catski- Dd2 has been seeing a SALT at her sn nursery but she retired before Easter, we are waiting to see another SALT who will visit her at MS nursery. Dd2 is being assesed for ASD/HFA and we should have a dx in the next month or so, we have been told to expect a dx of ASD mainly because she shows a lot of traits and her sister is on the spectrum (AS).

Melted- I take both dd's out as much as i can but i avoid talking to people (just keep my head down and keep moving).

She is bright with letters/numbers/drawing ( i didn't mean to sound negative in the last post) so I can see schooling is a dilemma. She is still very young in devlopmental terms so with what she has already, there is plenty of room for hope for even more.

She is bright with letters/numbers/drawing ( i didn't mean to sound negative in the last post) so I can see schooling is a dilemma. She is still very young in devlopmental terms so with what she has already, there is plenty of room for hope for even more.

It can be awkward...a lot of the time I'm glad I live in France because people just think DD is English and doesn't speak French! It really came home to me at Easter because DD was getting funny looks off some of the other kids when we went to a fun park in England.
DD will now speak with prompting, so sometimes I do ask her to say "bonjour" and "au revoir". I don't like doing it but sometimes it's necessary so that her schoolfriends or schoolfriends' parents don't think she's really rude! (I've explained in rather glib terms to most people that she has delayed speech. She's not autistic and most people don't know what her rather vague not-quite-diagnosis means so I tend not to go into too much detail!)
I've also been known to pretend she's shy...

Sounds like a hard day Marne...they can hit you like that...i had a afternoon like that yesterday when i visited a friends house who has an nt child the same age as ds.
No advice to give...but didn't want to ignore your post
Hope you find it helps to vent a bit...it helps to write it down

Marne know that feeling people now notice ds does not speak hes totaly non verbal .Though his sister did come up with best yet when someoen said oh your baby brothers cue but why does he not talk quick as a flash she turned rounsd said hes not baby hes almost 4 and he does talk just not with his mouth

we are aiming for sn school am counting down till next week when proposed toiletpaper statement is due

Marne, his language is not that bad. He can make a sentence of 3/4 words, but a lot of the time just babbles and his words are very immature for his age. Before he started his SN school, he barely said anything, maybe 5 understandable words so the past 9 months have been wonderful in the sense that his communication has improved. His behaviour is a bit more manageable, but when he has a meltdown won't listen to what is being said, so has to be shown a pecs card or something visual to help him calm down.

One of the ways we helped DS2 with his talking wass to totally "dumb" down our language with him as well. We went from whole sentances to maybe 2/3 words and he seeme to respond better and also tried to repeat what we were saying. Obviously not sure if you are doing this already, so don't mean to offend by saying that.

HTH

marne ds didnt speak until 3.6 properly it was babbles and few words until then he now speaks in sentences of 3-4 words and has atypical speech sounds but does communicate

we had this all the time when ds was your dd age as he didnt talk again his big for his age looked too big for chair would melt down and ignore people i just said he was shy and smiled politely you do get nt children that refuse to say hello etc so dont worry what others think

ds is also HFA and i found once it came as long as he slept he improved if he didnt sleep then we saw no change or he appeared to lose what he had learnt sensory issues worsened to the point we couldn't leave the house he wouldn't walk

now he has melatonin he sleeps few more hours a night he walks his sensory issues have lessoned he has come along alot more a she can handle the world better

i dont know how your dd sleeps but i did find it played huge part in his behaviour

as i say he didnt speak till 3.6 and we were advised to just verbalize everything from sitting on the loo to making tea so that he could understand actions to language it did help alot and within weeks we found him attempting to do more

but obviously one child will respond differently to another so im just going to tell you what we did it may help dd or it may not she sounds so like my ds though could do all numbers shapes letters could write his name just struggled to communicate but its surprising what difference a yr can make

xx

sorry for typos ds was up at 4 im so tired lol

melatonin doesnt keep them asleep lol

Thank you,

At the moment she only understands one word at a time and is working towards 2, we speak to her using 1 or 2 words at a time (even dd1 has started speaking like this to her which is great). We use pecs and picture cards with her which seems to help. She is making a lot more sounds than she was a month ago and will now sound out the letters of the alphabet. Sometimes we get a word out of her if she want's something to eat (cookie, biscuit, cheese), the only word she uses each day is 'please' but again this is a huge improvement from a few months ago.

Bubbagirl- her sleep isn't too bad, she does wake in the night but seems to settle back down after a few minutes.

Hopefully she will carry on improving over the next year.

think we need bigger hammer bubblgirl ds loves giving me quality time at night

I feel your tiredness Bubbla. DS2 was up from half 3. Melatonin just isn't doing the trick.

Marne, it's lovely that your DD1 speaks to your DD2 in the same way you do. My DS1 is the same.

noooooooooooo dont say that i have high hopes mind anything more than 4 hrs night i will be pleased

Sorry Phoenix . We are only into the 2nd month of using it, so probably just needs tweaking. Need to make another appointment with the paed to probably get it increased.

i will be demanding they do something when we finally get to see paed for annualreview its affecting not just him and me also my other dcs as imso tired of a evening

at that age I did what 4andnomore did - just went for the "oh he's shy approach" for fleeting on bus/in shop contact, tbh on the few occasions I did explain I tended to meet with sceptical responses, I am sure people thought they were being nice but it does get exasperating when people seem to want you to collude in denial.