We have a 3 week old baby but it is DS1 (4) keeping us up!

[staryeyed]

ds1 has been really unsettled since before DS2 was born and has been so jealous since he came home from hospital. He has started having awful meltdowns that last hours. Only now he is having them in the middle of the night. He cries and screams so loud I really think someone may call SS because it does sound like he is being beaten. We live underneath our landlords who are lovely but if this continues I'm worried they wont renew our tenancy. We tried everything to stop the meltdowns -usually in the day I let them play out but I we cant do that at night he is so loud no one would get any sleep. Last night we managed to calm him down after an hour I wrapped around him squeezing him and told him firmly to stop and then I said nothing and didn't look at him until he had calmed down. These techniques rarely work more than a few times and then we have to find something else that works. Meanwhile DS2 is sleeping very well.

that sounds really hard

if the squeezing worked, would a weighted blanket be any good?

lots of others recommend them (haven't used them with dd1)

congrats on baby, btw

Staryeyed, I can relate DD3 is 4 weeks old and DD1 is still getting up everynight despite melatonin

I'm thinking that we may have to Fio- the night before last he did a marathon 3 hour meltdown and we were so exhausted the next day. He was also scratching manically so we thought he had been bitten but I think it was just a new form of self harm. He is also head banging. He just had another one about 30 mins ago, I ignored it and it didn't last long at all. I think he may have also had one at nursery today- my mum collected him and they said he was "crying a lot" (didn't write anything about it in his communication book though, instead they wrote he "had a lovely afternoon" - I do wonder how much they aren't telling us).

On a positive note DS1 has eaten an orange and 2 bananas today which is very good as he hasn't eaten any fruit for ages .

Silverfrog he did like a heavy blanket we have but its effect was short lived. He has tried a weighted vest as well bit didn't seem to have any affect.

I feel like crying booked an appointment with pead to get some melatonin prescription but the earliest apt is in August. Another melt down last night with constant waking through out the night. Im so tired that I couldn't feed DS2 properly last night I kept falling asleep and Dp is being a selfish arse.

Hi staryeyed,
Sorry no practical advice as have no experience of your exact situation, but I do know how hard it is during the day (have a 4.7 yr age gap) when you have a baby to look after as well as an older DC prone to melt downs, so really feel for you if you're having disturbed nights too.

I know it's almost impossible, but you really need to be thinking of yourself and you need your sleep.

I'm afraid I don't know you or your DCs situation but is there anyone that can help out during the day to give you some respite/rest? Why is DP being an arse? Does he realise how difficult it is to look after a 3 week old let alone cope with an older child let alone when you're not getting sleep?? Let me at him I'll give him a virtual slap for you!!

Is there any way the DR can help out with getting an earlier Paed appointment?

Sending a virtual glass of whatever you need and plenty of encouragement. Well done for ignoring the melt downs.. I know how hard it is.

BR

thanks bunnyrabbit.
Dp is supposed to be looking after DS1 while I look after DS2 - I am waking every 3 hours to feed him for an hour. This was fine until the melt downs started. He keeps coming to me to ask me what to do. I told him to ignore and he didn't so the tantrums went on longer they are so loud I couldn't leave them so I took DS2 into my bed and ignored until he settled. Dp told me he was going to lie down because he was tired . Ended up with both Dcs in bed with me and DP sleeping alone.

Can doctors prescribe melatonin?

I really sorry but I don't know anything about melatonin or who can prescribe it I'm afraid.

I would say phone and try. Don't hold back on how you feel. Let them know exactly what you're gonig through and how it's affecting you feeding DS1.

Can I ask what your DS1's DX is?

Bumping for anyone else with more experience...

BR

I mean feeding DS2 of course

and please excuse the multitude of typos!!

he has autism, he is non verbal and has very limited understanding. His behavioural issues have really come out in the last couple of months- meltdowns, oppositional and defiant, and loads of stims as well.

Well no wonder you're finding it a bit tough. I can't imagine how you cope. There must be help out there.... what about SALT, HV or OT can either help?

Where are you if you don't mind me asking?

Are there any support groups in your area?

BR

Im in North London.

DS goes to a specialist nursery and has an ASD pre school team working with him at home. We have access to SALT and OT through these. SALT has been useless the pre school team aren't great either and the nursery seem about the same. DS has made no progress in regards to speech. He uses PECS to communicate but I had to go on the course to teach him myself. Although Ds enjoys nursery we have seen no improvements. He has improved somewhat with pre school team but nothing like what you would expect in the 2 years he has been working with them. I would like to go to a support group but its a bit tricky right now with BFing DS2. HV is coming this afternoon anyway she is new to us and seems quite nice and helpful which is unusual.

Really wish I could be more help info wise but I'm sure someone else will come along soo who is far more knowledgable in this area.

I would say pump the HV for info and help. If you stress what an affect this is having on your feeding DS2 I'm sure she'll be able to help.

My first referral for DS1 cam from the HV when she came to see me for DS2.

BR