Amber has left MN

[MaryBS]

This is just to let you all know, as she asked me to tell you.

sadly mn hq do not see disablist post as offensive, as on the race thread, Imo untill they do and start realising that disabled people have a right to the same stuff nt people do, we will be fighting a loosing battle,

justaboutspringtime I think the buddy idea is a good one, I have told Amber I will help her anyway I can, IMO we need Amber on here

IMO i don't see the post as disablist, I think the original Post was asking about a poem that is ill worded & IMHO terrible, But I don't see that the thread itself was disablist, unless i missed something.

I agree very much about the cross-over with mental health. That is why I find myself posting on this topic. The suggestion of a warning before posts that might prompt a strong reaction in someone suffering from a particular disorder would logically have to extend beyond Autism to conditions like anxiety, phobia, depression. While we are all under an obligation to think about possible reactions before posting it is impossible that anyone could be expected to anticipate them all.

This site exists to facilitate conversation, and conversation is essentially risky. The site unfortunatley can't be reorganised to eliminate those risks.

I hope you return Amber. Please think about it at least. I do understand, I think, what it's like to read a thread and feel absolutely gripped by terror or sadness. I can, personally, ignore the posts on other sites (never read them here) that talk about how awful all people with Aspergers are. And I can ignore those which seem to possess clairvoyant skills about my life based on my diagnosis (not the genuinely curious ones, more the ones that claim I have no problems whatsoever). But on the rare occasion I have read something about social workers taking, or threatening to take someone's child off them because they (the parent) is Aspergers then that scares me like nothing else, panics me, makes me downplay my own difficulties in real life out of a fear that assumptions will be made about my competancies as a mum. But I can't stop people putting those reports up. And I wouldn't stop people putting those reports up.
I hope some sort of compromise can be reached for you. You offer a lot of support on this site and your advice is invaluable.

I actually agree that mods are needed here, someone laid into 2shoes ;ast night in a way that amde me cringe as well and I thought that then.

Hide threads doesn't work, but could be amde to. I get upset easily on threads also (2shoes will remember the keyboard ), and press hide threads but ATM it stays in threads I'm on; if it could be removed from there it would be more useful imo.

Only other thing I can think of- another forum i'm on has a controversial topic; threads are moced there if the site owner is amde aware that they are taking a turn towards more difficult teriiroty: absolutely no censorship but a 'safe' area

I'm another one who gets upset sometimes. Amber and I have a lot in common on how we react to things, although my response is generally to steer clear of arguments as much as I can.

Firstly people, I feel, ignore what I have said and post the same thing again. Secondly if more than one person has an opposing viewpoint to myself and post, then I'm left wondering who I reply to first and how. And often the conversation has moved on before I've known what my response is. I'm left floundering (like a fish gasping for air when the tide has gone out and left it behind). It is really hard to keep up. Often the only way to do it is to take one post at a time and answer that. Without wishing to put words into Amber's keyboard, I think that is much of the problem.
If you add to that things that have gone wrong elswhere, leaving me very fragile and out of sorts, and less able to cope with an argument/debate, it makes for difficult times and HUGE HUGE HUGE feelings of anxiety and overwhelmedness.

The trouble with a contraversial topic though is that if you are posting about your childs SN there is a chance it may not meet the right audience.

I post on SN because I want to talk to people that understand and that can help/I can help iyswim.

I really feel for amber and get a real sense of exhaustion from her at the moment. Maybe right now she is doing the right thing by stepping away for a bit and licking some wounds. I do agree though that needs to be a way around this for when (because I hope she will) returns.

How do other forums do it then? Is it just that they are so heavily moderated that we don't get to see the offensive post's.

Or is it like 2shoes says that they don't realise that it's disablist or are they left on to keep the forums busy and well dare I say provoke a little.

To extend the reach of this dicussion I have taken the presumptious step of opening a new thread

here

SC trhe way iot worked there was that you didnt post there, but if a thread took an - erm- nasty turn the site owner would shift it there; it wpuld be flagged up as controversial SN IYSWIM.

More as an outhouse than an area one would post intitially, and for threads that might upset instead of just shock / challenge etc (so no bumsex bans LOL)

That's not such a big forum though and disablist posts are rare; the only time we faxced that was when a twat man kept posting Mong despite being asked, so now anyone typing that word finds their posts says '(oh ic ant remember but something more aacceptable)

Not that I advocate that here mind, completely different style of board

Elsewhere a moderated forum I post on takes issues that are getting personal outside the thread, to an area called "Hell", where there are no holds barred. Its absolutely horrible IN Hell, but it takes the heat out of any discussions outside of Hell.

Oh I see peachy, that sounds okay to me.

Thanks for explaining.

Would it be self moderated then like moneysavingexpert.com? I use this as an example because it is also a fast paced forum.

I think it's a good idea peachy and perhaps something that could work.

sorry to see you go amber, i know i havent been around for a while but what i saw of amber i found extremely helpful and insightful, not to mention amusing, i hope amber manages to find her safe space for the future.

Amber

It will be pretty shit if we can't find a way round this.

I will really miss Amber's posts. She has helped me understand my son's autism in a way that I never, ever thought was possible and, god, how much have we (as a family) benefitted from that.... so bloody much.

I find it hard to believe.

I hope Amber is in a safe place, taking care of herself (for a change).

I will bloody, well miss your posts x

Amber So sorry it has come to this.

I hope you can come back eventually.

there has been a degree of self-moderation on MN in the past with regard to arachnophobes (use of world loofah in thread titles) and to emetophobes (with warnings in thread titles again)......... I had hoped the teahouse thread plus buddy system would be a reasonable compromise.

Have posted this on the several threads that have been started about this

I kind of thought that this had settled now, what with the tearoom thread and whatever; it's a shame that the comment about there being 'no appetite for changes' was made to Amber by MN and taken, understandably, by Amber to mean that there was no appetite to help her. I'm assuming that MN perhaps meant that there was no appetite for a change to the board (which is not necessarily true for all, but a reasonable assumption for MN to make when people like me have argued so vociferously for everyone's right to say what they need to say.)

I think a change into two quite abstract types of SN boards would be difficult. Who knows when a question thread will turn into a rant? Who knows when a rant will contain a question? Who know whether a cross/sad thread will have a happy ending or vice versa? Also, many posters (including me) would not be very happy to have to post anything negative in a rant/ controversial thread, as though it was something dirty to be ashamed of.

However, that's not the same as me saying that Amber shouldn't be allowed on here, and that I want her to be excluded. I've never said that I want that, and those who've said that I did either chose to misinterpret or didn't understand what I posted.

I don't see why the tearoom thread can't be kept for the happy chilled type of posts, like a chill out zone or safespace. Don't really see that that needs a separate board - seems to be working for people so far. As for the 'controversial posts'...well, Amber has said that she doesn't mind parents ranting (so that probably doesn't need a separate board) and that she's going to think carefully before opening up threads that look like they might be upsetting, so I think this is more about Amber feeling that people want her here (hence being upset by MN's post) than about what is done to change things.

If there are so many people willing to flag up any posts that they think might upset here, then the combination of the 'safe' thread, careful choosing of topics and flagging up by friends should help, shouldn't it?

This whole thing wasn't over disablist posts or anything like the superrace threads, so is a poor comparison, IMO. It's also not about refusing accessibility, but balancing up rights and needs of everyone.

I also think that the point that many people have made about arguments and disagreements being upsetting for everyone, NT or otherwise, is very true. We all get upset and angry when we feel ignored or that someone else is wrong in what they've said and done. I think that, particularly on the SN board, we're generally very tolerant with each other and try to understand that everyone here is under pressure in RL and don't need extra here...but a talk forum inevitably contains disagreements and strong feelings; that is intrinsic to iits nature, and I don't think you can moderate for that without taking away its honesty and its openness.

That is an excellent post, givemesleep. I would second it entirely.

GMS although I am not necessarily suggesting it for MN as the otehr board was much smaller thats nto quite how the other system worked- there weren't two threads types, there was one safe area ythat threads that tuned into a rnat etc were moved after being flaged to site manager

however as I say probably not or this board thugh I think it could be adapted but itr seems MN dont see it as a priority