Amber's safe space and tea corner

[amber32002]

I hope it's OK to start a thread as a safe space for me to be. I don't always understand the social things fast enough on here to be good at them, so sometimes need a quiet space I cope with better and am less likely to go into a shutdown/flat panic.

In case you don't know me, I'm Amber. I have Asperger syndrome, which is part of the autism spectrum, and mine is not the mild kind. I also have arthritis and a spinal scoliosis and I'm a bit dyspraxic.

Because mine is the visual sort of ASD, I see life in pictures, not words, and my brain hasn't got a lot of common sense or ways to find the information on different people. I have big sensory difficulties or differences: Some good, some bad. I can say things that are very undiplomatic from time to time , but feel awful if I get the social things wrong, so please do always ask me if I really understood something before thinking I'm or .

I'm not an expert or professional. I'm a mum who's asked by people or organisations to help with advice on what it's like to be someone like me. But I have had the honour of knowing and working and indeed living with with many, many lovely people with an ASD over the years, and many Experts who know far more about some aspects ASDs than I do. We try to learn from each other. I love learning from others here too.

Sometimes people want to know a bit about my life, and some of it helps some families and children (they tell me). It might not. There's no guarantees.

I don't think my own ASD is a disaster, or a brilliant thing to have. It's like a bag of those Every Flavour Beans in the Harry Potter books: Some good bits of life, some bad bits. Some things I can do, other things I can't, and some that go really horribly wrong. The things I can't do are many and varied and mean that I have to pace and balance every part of my life so very, very carefully and with a lot of help from friends, family and specialists. But there are blessings to it for me.

Someone once said,

"The secret of true happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have"

That sums up how I find joy and meaning in the little things, and how I've kept going through the worst bits.

So do ask if you'd like to. Or just have a cuppa here. .

I'm like a magpie when it comes to patterns, especially rainbows for some unknown reason. My brain sees a rainbow (any kind, real, one on someone's hat, scarf, shirt etc) and goes "ooooh pretty!"

slides into comfy chair with a cup of coffee

On a diet here, but I'll join you for a skinny latte if that is allowed.

Oh tea please!
I espect you needed the sleep! Will be thinking of you and DH tomorrow.

I'd say skinny latte sounds entirely possible too. (What is it?? I've never liked to ask in the coffee shops ) I always order the same thing as there's no surprises that way. In something that says 'coffee shop' (rather than tea room) it's a cappucino even though I don't really drink coffee, because that's the first drink I was given in a coffee shop so now that's what I always have. I always have the same drink for that type of establishment e.g. pub equals apple and mango drink, tea room equals tea.

Yes, it's probably illogical isn't it. But yet, it isn't to me because otherwise I have to make a choice from about 300 things and there's no way I can do so.

I enjoy watching the people just do an instant look at the menu and 'know' that they want a double choc mocha skinny whatsit with a fruit side and flapjack today rather than what they had yesterday, and they're just SO confident about it. Fascinating. And they don't spill it or drop the change.

Hi Amber. I don't do tea--I'll be grinding up a mellow brew of Colombian (fairtrade of course).
I knew little about ASDDD has other issuesuntil reading your posts. Now I feel I have been granted a privileged insight, so thanks very much.

Coffee shop menus scare me too! I always choose a latte, but I am on a diet, so the guilt has set in. A skinny latte is presumably just made with skimmed milk and no sugar - I have never asked - far too scary

I'm not on the spectrum, but I am socially awkward and shy, so will rehearse what I am going to ask for. Then I get all flummoxed and drop my purse and walk into people. I send DH if we are somewhere new -he doesn't care what anyone thinks of him [ grin]

I'm going out to plant the bedding plants now before they wither and die.

Yes, various ground/unground/instant types available, all drinks and foodstuffs fairtrade.

Widemouthfrog, best you and I never try to order things in the same shop - we'd be hiding behind each other and causing chaos! I once brought an entire courtroom restaurant to a standstill with a spectacular manoever with a coffee cup that I balanced wrongly which went absolutely everywhere. Judges and solicitors and security staff all saying "I say!" and "Steady on!" and reaching for the napkins . It's hardly ever dull being out with me

Oh goodness, I have plants that need planting too - I'd forgotten! and we don't seem to have gone for our walk yet either.

Hi Amber, I like your new place! Do you have anything decaf?(I'm trying to be good) I just wanted to say that reading your posts has helped me so much and I'm glad you're here. I know you say you are not an expert or a professional, but you ARE a mum and a real person which is why we all value your opinion so much

Decaf? Oh yes (though I noted in a particular Aspie*-like way that decaf often has caffeine in it, in which case it should really be called Not Very Much Caf. Not sure that name will really do, though.

We walked. It's warm and sunny. There were flowers, butterflies, a duck, some damselflies, and no extra people. Hooray! Mr B the new dog seems tired now, thank goodness. Wish he understood English rather than Gaelic though

*Aspie is of course a very politically incorrect term and we shouldn't use it really but I just don't care on this bit

Thanks Amber! Yes, you have to be very careful of those "half-caf" versions.

Glad you had a nice walk, sounds lovely. We will be venturing out now that the Grand Prix has finished - DH always wants to watch them but falls asleep half way through ..

I'll have a cappucino, please, with NO CHOCOLATE on top (hate mixing coffee and chocolate). Oooh, and an almond croissant.
(Brioche raises her cuppa and her almond croissant to everyone else in the tea room / coffee shop, waves across at Amber and wishes her and her DH all the best for tomorrow).

We'll need more cappucino, that's for sure. I think I'll have the right material for a statistical analysis of preferred beverages already

Blimey re what you wrote on there. That's used up my one brain cell completely . Do people ever get cross if they think someone has a ministry? What about if the person doesn't know they have? And I can't think of a worse person to have a ministry either

Fresh set of beverages all round, then. And maybe a glass of something later (non alcoholic/alcoholic depending on personal requirements of course).

Here's a nice relaxing image for your safe space amber imagecache.allposters.com/images/pic/OAPAPC/186165~Tranquil-Magens-Beach-St-Thomas-Virgin-Islands-Po sters.jpg

Ormaybe this one www.allergy4less.com/allersoft/girl-under-duvet-2.jpg

amber, just popping in to say hello, and grab a nice latte please.

You sound a little better today and I'm very pleased. My sons SN are not ASD related but yours and others posts on this forum really are a valuable insight into it.

Have a peaceful evening. (Hope you are not kept awake from all the caffiene!)

I'm signing off mumsnet for the day now. I hope you had a lovely relaxing day sharing tea and chat with friends .

Hello Amber. Cup of tea for me. One sugar. Love reading your posts. Glad you're here.

Nikos, great images Thank you!

Slightlycrumpled, I think was a little better yesterday - just exhausted and still sad that I can't think of good ideas to help me fast enough.

Beverages and toast available (gluten-free if necessary).

Wish I wasn't awake from 3 or 4 every morning at the moment

goodluck today Amber hope everythingg oes well

We have to go by early afternoon (eek)

Meantime, I'm trying to work out whether I can accurately guess the likely non-eek- factor of thread by their titles. I need a hand...(not literally a hand - I have two and there's no room for a third one)(well, I see a picture of an extra hand - it's just what happens)

These are made-up titles not real ones, just as examples:

"Teaching AS child to ride a horse"
"HV for child - what to ask re ASD"
"Can parents of ASD kids help?"
"ASD and how to stop her biting her brother!!"
"school left him in France last week!" (well, it happened at ds's school!)
"best computer to get for child with ASD"
"proud mummy moment"
"I have had an awful day and I want to cry"
"How do I claim for this allowance?"

How likely are any of those sorts of threads to turn into something other than than help, support advice or encouragement, using our combined skill and judgement?

Haven't read all the thread, but I'm glad you've decided to stick around Amber. I know your contributions are valued here by lots of people.

Oh hell, two people I know have died today - a friend's mum I have known for many many years, and a friend's wife who's had cancer. Two on one day...

oh amber- on top of your dh's tests today?

I hope you are able to pop on here later- with all that goiing on you may not be able to- we are all thinking of you.