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SN children

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Original poster

Having a crap day, feel like we have taken several steps back

22 replies

5inthebed · 09/05/2009 21:58

Ds2 has been having an awful week, really don't know what to do with him. Today as the icing on the cake. I am so down in the dumps with it all, and I hate feeling like this.

All week he has been having meltdowns as soon as he has got back from his SN school, saying he doesnt want to go to his MS school. On Tuesday I had to wrestle him into his uniform after he had a meltdown about not having a pasty for his dinner (I'd already cooked him a fish pie). I had a nightmare of a time getting him to the bus stop and gave up half way there, came home and let him watch Wall-E on DVD so that I didn't have to deal with him. It was the same on Wed and Thurs, although we managed to get to school, and he was fine once he got there.

On Friday, he usually doesn't go to MS school, but he was getting a certificate at the assembly so we were invited to go along. They sang songs to start with, and one song involved shouting, which really upset DS2 so he was screaming and had a meltdown infront of all the other parents and his poor TA didn't know what to do as she has never seen him like this. I had to sit with him on the floor with all the other kids and also go up with him to collect his certificate.

And today, we went shopping for new shoes (joy of all joys), DS2 in his major, which he was happy to go in, but he was having mini meltdowns everytime the pram stopped. He was doing things in the pram he hasn;t done in ages, a lot of old stimulating things like babbling with his hand in his mouth, closing his eyes repeatedly, smacking people who were within reach and pulling things off shelves. I just gave up in the end and came home.

I shouldn't be feeling like this, he has been so good for a few weeks, we were doing so well with the whole potty thing (but then he goes and has a pooh on DS1's bedroom floor) and I felt "normal". Now I feel like I can't go down this road again . It's DS3's christening tomorrow, and I feel like we should cancel it because I know ds2 is going to be hell.

Sorry for the long rant

OP posts:

siblingrivalry · 09/05/2009 22:02

Don't apologise, it's essential to get these things off your chest. I'm sorry you have had such a crap week.
We have a different set of issues, but I fully understand the feeling of being at the end of your rope and not having the energy to cope with another bad spell.

Do you have anyone who can help with ds2 at the christening tomorrow? It sounds as though you deserve a break!

TotalChaos · 09/05/2009 22:06

sorry it's been such an awful week. I wouldn't be surprised if he's brewing a bug, DS's behaviour can be grim when he's about to come down with a tummy bug.

Original poster

5inthebed · 09/05/2009 22:08

My mam is the only person who will be able to watch him, as all the other people who can are godparents/me and DH. I know he will be a nightmare, but I don't want to and can't exclude him from the church. It's a no win situation really. I don't know what I was thinking booking a christening. Just trying to do normal things with my family I guess. Actually, that does sounf awful, but its how I'm feeling. I just want to be able to do normal things without all this.

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reducedfatkettlechip · 09/05/2009 22:14

Feel for you, I always find ds horrendous when he's sickening for something though, as Total said. I've really panicked about his behaviour and then 2 days later, I think, ah, that's what that was about.

Doesn't help you with a christening to go to I know, I hope it all goes ok for you tomorrow.

siblingrivalry · 09/05/2009 22:22

I hope the christening goes well,5. I always wish there was something helpful I could say - and I totally understand that you don't want to exclude ds2 tomorrow. My dd1 tends to 'dip' in and out of social occassions.

As a Geordie,I noticed you said 'mam' -are you in the north-east?

Original poster

5inthebed · 09/05/2009 22:26

TC, I am indeed a geordie, I live in Newcastle

I'm not sure whats wrong with him, I hope he isn't coming down with something. He always seems to get it worse than everyone else does. Me and DS3 have a bit of a cold (not swine flu though) so possibly that. I just wanted tomorrow to be ok, and it isn't going to be. Too many new things, surroundings, noises.

OP posts:

siblingrivalry · 09/05/2009 22:32

Is the christening in a church, with grounds where he can run around? When dd1 is finding things too much, someone (usually me )takes her outside. She can't bear lots of noise or being crowded.

I completely understand your trepidation, though,because it makes you unable to relax.

I am from South Tyneside, by the way, but live in Durham now.

daisy5678 · 09/05/2009 22:37

Poor you - rant away; it sounds like a tough day. Progress is never steady, is it? You think you've got one thing sorted, and then it comes back worse or something new appears and then it improves and the cycle carries on!

I don't know how old he is, but can you try a social story/ visual timetable for tomorrow, with a real breakdown of what will happen when (and in what order) and what he should be doing?

It all sounds tied in with the assembly, perhaps. Did he know all week that he was going to M/S for the certificate? J couldn't handle praise (or noise) at all between 3 and 6 and would have done exactly the same. Perhaps the shopping trip was a hangover from the assembly upset.

Hope tomorrow goes well.

PS - The Wall-E thing - TV is like a tranquiliser for J and I have been known to put it on just to get a breather I think it's OK and totally necessary at times!

Original poster

5inthebed · 09/05/2009 22:42

Well I'm hoping my mam will take him outside, but she isn't the best person to look after him really. Will have to just go with the flow. The church has a lovely garden at the back with a little park, so he would be fine in there I suppose.

GMS, DS2 is 3.8, 4 in August. I know a few people have said this is the worst age for ASD children, and I can see why!

He has been saying for a few weeks that he was washing pigs, which made no sense until the assembly, as they had been learning a song, and part of it was about washing a pig. He was fine with this, but he got upset about a song that had shouting, I'm sure it was the noise and the unexpectedness of it all. I don't think he knew he was getting a certificate.

OP posts:

nikos · 09/05/2009 22:44

Has he recently gone from nappies to pants? We have been toilet training ds with asd and he seemed to be doing ok, but when he returned to school in pants his behaviour was atrocious. Do you think this could be a factor? Without doubt there will be a reason for the change in behaviour.
FWIW I would have tried to include ds in a christening to. Try not to fret too much and couldyour mum be on hand to take himoutside if it gets toomuch for him?

Original poster

5inthebed · 09/05/2009 22:51

He has only been doing an hour a day in grunderpants, which he has coped with really well until the "pooing on ds1's bedroom floor" incident. He hasn't actually done anything in his potty or on the big toilet, but has sat on both of them, which is a really good step forward.

School are going to put him in them when he goes on Monday and take it from there.

He will be sitting next to my mam and her husband. I am toying with the idea of taking his SN pram, but after todays performance in it, maybe that'd be the wrong thing to do.

OP posts:

nikos · 09/05/2009 22:54

Do you think the change in behaviour could be linked to the toilet training? He might be thinking onsome level that a new thing is being asked of him. If it is that, you will no doubt justhave to push through it, but I find it helps to try and isolate a reason (although can also drive you mad trying to find that reason )

Original poster

5inthebed · 09/05/2009 23:07

I know what you mean, I'm really trying to see below the iceberg (early bird course anyone?) and try and get why he is being like this this week.

Anyway, I am shattered and must go to bed. Thank you all for listening to me moan and being so helpful. It always feels better to offloads a bit and know I'm not the only one. Will report back tomorrow if I survive.

OP posts:

Phoenix4725 · 10/05/2009 04:08

sorry hard week and hopee verything goes ok for christing

as for the pooing on floor can remember my nt ds doing this not found till trod in it

Barmymummy · 10/05/2009 08:11

No words of wisdom really, just wanted to say I am sorry you have had such a rubbish week. I know the feeling, thinking you are making good progress and then something else comes along.

I really hope the christening goes OK today, will be thinking of you,xx

bubblagirl · 10/05/2009 08:22

my ds has times like this and last few days behaviour has been terrible we made huge progresses so its always soul destroying to be struggling again

but i have noticed that he appears to be getting a cold and i find his sensory issues really play up when feeling run down his tolerance to light and noise and different settings can really set him off

also the more info he takes in from different places can really make his sensory over load go so i have to find a calm way to settle him games console or dvd so he can be alone and switch off

i really hope things improve for you soon it is hard but your doing a good job

hope christening goes well xx

bubblagirl · 10/05/2009 08:24

i find when ds is like this the now and next cards come in useful so he can see he goes to school and when he comes home he gets the reward of games or dvd

also school continue this for him so he has structure and preparation for his day they set his tasks out up until going home so he knows where he is at all times

siblingrivalry · 10/05/2009 19:41

How did today go, 5inabed? I was thinking of you.

Original poster

5inthebed · 10/05/2009 19:48

Well today went ok. DS2 had to be taken out of the church, as expected, as it was just too much for him. Luckily they have acreche type room so my mam occupied him with toys. The party went ok as well, he actually ate something, which he doesn't usually do in new social surroundings. So all in all, not a bad day.

No melt downs, no smacking and no stiming. I feel he is up to something

OP posts:

siblingrivalry · 10/05/2009 19:53

I'm so pleased it was okay -and great about the creche room.

Original poster

5inthebed · 10/05/2009 20:06

I'm pleased as well. Didn't sleep well last night thinking about it.

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reducedfatkettlechip · 11/05/2009 15:23

Glad it went well.

Thought of you this morning in regards to two steps backwards, ds has been so good this weekend but this morning was awful. I had to take him home from playgroup due to a shoving incident. He loves to play with the train track and vehicles and can't bear it if anyone comes over and sits on it or starts to destroy it. A little girl came over and took his train so he gave her a push. I raced over, picked her up and then carried him straight out. Cue screaming, wailing and a whole room of people staring. It was horrific.

Then I had to go back to rescue ds2 who was standing at the door howling..! Am thinking of giving up toddler groups until ds1 is at school, he's too old for it and too impatient with the little ones, which clearly isn't acceptable. Stress levels almost back to normal now after a few cups of tea!!

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