DS diagnosed with language delay, additional 'odd' beahaviour...

[alfiesmadmother]

My beautiful DS is 3 and has been diagnosed with language and speech delay. I actually thought his language was really good- good comprehension, uses 2 words (obviously not great for just turned 3!) but he improves every week. I thought it was just speech but obviously the speech therapist things differently. Because he is improving she does't want to see him for 10 weeks, which is a long time I think! He will say 'coat on' 'go home' etc but still won't speak in unfamiliar situations.

Anyway (am in tears writing this thinking about him), I think he finds life hard. On his report the therapist thought he was a normal, sociable boy with age appropriate play but I sometimes think differently. He is very shy. He will only wear red ( and the tantrum is huge) He takes a ball everywhere as if it is a person and puts it on the chair next to him and is distressed if anyone moves it. If I take him somewhere he will only play with one thing for 3 hours as if it is a comfort. He will only watch one episode of postman pat over and over and over (again as comfort-if he is upset he asks for it)

This is not NORMAL. Some of this may be seen as normal behaviour but this is extreme. When I see him with other children he is different.

I am just so upset. Have I not helped him enough to learn to talk and behave properly? Did I eat the wrong think when pregnant, did I not stimulate him properly as a baby or have I just expected too much of him????

I don't want any answers, just if someone could identify with me that would be lovely.

This sounds very like my little boy (just 4). He can appear normal, but has weird obsessions, eg puts all his toy cars in rows and goes mental if anyone accidentally moves them, insists on watching the same DVD again and again.

I am having ds assessed at the moment for ASD. Have you thought about that sort of assessment as well as speech therapy? We were referred to speech therapy when ds was 2 but it was a waste of time, because there was no physical problem with his speech, more of a social problem, so the therapist said there was nothing wrong with him as she had heard him make all the difficult sounds like "th" and "s".

I have huge sympathy for you. It is hard being a mother to a chld like this and I find it hard not to get depressed sometimes.

I can empathise with your distress and bewilderment. My son is now 9 (and had little language at 3, was very inflexible with allsorts of things -- and I tried soo hard because that is what mums do!!). Now I know it wasn't my fault but at the time it was hard.
My way of coping was to beg or borrow books to do all I could to develop ds skills (he had many delays)- so at least I knew I was doing all I could to meet my childs needs. Can the speech therapist give you a programme to follow or recommend a course ( Hanen for instance)
If you feel your childs behaviour is different from his peers, (and trust your knowledge of your child- dont blame yourself) then it might be worth approaching the GP for a referral to a developmental paediatrician.
Sending a cuppa and hug!

oh lovely thank you! Nice to know I am not alone. The speech therapist has not being particularly helpful, I will hop over for a look on amazon, any books you can recommend magso?
Nursery don't seem to concerned, his behaviour doesn't stand out there i guess (although haven't asked, too scared just yet!)
Have thought of the GP route but afraid they will say pah there's nothing wrong, he is just a 3 year old!

Well I am out of date now - I used BabyTalk by Sally Ward ( I think there is a sequel now for preschoolers), 'More than words' and 'It takes 2 to talk'. The county library may have these. I have heard the Hanen books and courses are good but came too late for us. Others with little ones now will have more recent experience.
You are right and he is only 3!

yes was in same boat at same age, but my DS language was worse than yours by the sound of it. Was the speech therapist happy with his receptive language? Probably worth getting him a hearing test too just to rule that out as being a cause of speech and any social problems you feel he has.

I agree with magso about referral to a paed - the assessment process for ASD is completely unintrusive to a child, based on asking parents loads about development/behaviour, and seeing how child plays/speaks etc - so an unnecessary referral won't do any harm, referrals don't inevitably mean a diagnosis.

Think your next step is going to have to be speaking to nursery - would also be helpful if SALT went into nursery to observe him, to get a feel for how he socialises. Also if nursery do have any concerns, then that strengthens any request you may make for paed referral.

sorry your going through all this my ds was dx with speech delay at 2.3 and odd behaviour he was dx with ASD at 3

not sying this is the case with your ds but what i do want to say is IT IS NOTHING YOU HAVE OR HAVENT DONE
the main thing here is to not blame yourself the thing that helped me was neglected children learn to talk and no one has taught them

i know its not such a great example but as i know how much i played and interacted with ds it did help me think well it is just a milestone his not reached yet and its not my fault

as for the behaviour you think is odd you can go to gp with list of concerns and that could get the ball rolling for any other assessments that may be needed

big hugs to you your ds sounds like his doing well though

xx

if it helps i went to gp with big list of concerns it was the obsessions and repetitiveness and lack of speech that got him referred

you have mentioned all these yourself so just write it all down and go it wont hurt if all turns out ok then great if it does appear he may need more intervention then the balls rolling

I am just so upset. Have I not helped him enough to learn to talk and behave properly? Did I eat the wrong think when pregnant, did I not stimulate him properly as a baby or have I just expected too much of him????

No to all of those.

You need to take charge of the situation. Firstly you need to figure out whether he really has good comprehension. Many SALTS do not look into this properly. If his understand is behind that will affect everything whether he has ASD or not.