Dd2 seems to be enjoying main stream nursery more then SN.

[Marne]

Dd2 (hfa) started main stream nursery last week (she's doing 2 mornings there and 2 at SN nursery).

When i pick her up from her SN nursery she is always upset (i can hear her crying when i'm waiting outside), the staff say she's fine all day but gets upset when they sing before they go home.

She's only been to MS nursery 3 times but hasn't cried at all and when i bring her home she spends the rest of the day singing to herself (after SN nursery she cry's most of the way home and doesn't make a sound for the rest of the day).

Is this just because main stream is new and exciting, once she settles in to the routine and knows what activity they do before she goes home etc will she be the same as she is at the sn nursery?

Her nursery leader thinks she gets upset because she knows its home time after singing and she cant wait to go home (even though she's had a good day).

My son was a different child at mainstream nursery to SEN. At the SEN one, 2 members of staff had to hold him down to sit still even for 2 mins in circle time. I could not believe my eyes when I saw him sitting cross legged, quietly, listening to a story, within days of starting mainstream nursery. And I can't really put my finger on why. But for some kids it's just that mainstream works better, and for others not. Go with your gut. If he can cope in mainstream, why not try it all week?

Also at SN nursery she doesn't like to be hugged, at MS she spends time sat on her key workers lap and they tell me how she loves a cuddle , the only down side is MS is a lot loader and she has gone back to walking around with her fingers in her ears (i'm sure that will change once she gets used to it).

I was worried that she would get less attention at main stream but she seems to be getting more, her key worker has really bonded with her and dd even lets her change her nappy without crying .

I had a similar thing last year when ds1 was going to a CDC each week. Ds made very little progress there and I personally found it quite a negative experience, despite really fighting to get him in there in the first place.

I followed my instincts, removed him and have never regretted it. Once he started mainstream he flourished, and his language has really come on. I think for him, having role models has really made the difference. In the CDC there were no children with any language, and given that we were sending him to improve his language, it just wasn't the right environment for him. Plus it was the most cluttered and over stimulating place I've ever been in, it was like leaving him in a toy shop for 2 hours and that's how he behaved there..

I've managed to get some funding for a one to one 9 hours a week in ds's mainstream which is great. She does lots of SALT work with him and it's working really well. Go with your instincts.

Its really hard because her SN nursery has helped her a lot, they have taught her PECS and signing and she has improved a lot in the 6 months she has been there. She has started trying to say a few words which is why the thought MS would be good (to be around more verbal children). She gets music therapy and was getting SALT at SN nursery but now her SALT has retired so she isn't getting any SALT at all.

At the moment her portage worker is visiting her once a week at MS to see if she needs any 1:1, she tells me dd is doing very well.

Maybe give it a few more weeks, or even to the end of summer term to make your decision. If she's progressing well at both, it might make sense to keep things as they are. It was only that ds didn't progress at all at the CDC which made the decision fairly easy for me.

She sounds to be doing really well though, that's great!

I really don't know what to do now , today i had to take dd2 home early from her SN nursery, the staff said she got upset when they started music therapy and wouldn't calm down, they said she always gets upset with music.

Dd2 has been doing music sessions at MS and has really enjoyed it (no tears at all), i'm starting to think that its not the music thats upsetting her but something else (it could be a change in her routine or maybe they are not preparing her for the next activity with visual cards etc..).

Up until now i have thought the SN group was the best thing for her and me (as we get extra support with PECS, Signing, SALT etc..). They keep telling me how important it is to prepare her with pictures, PECS and scheduals but this morning i saw a different side, I took dd in and she ran to the paints, she covered her face in paint and one of the staff said 'come on dd2 lets wash your face off' (dd only understands single words sometimes 2 words so wouldn't have understood anything she said), she then dragged her to the sink and very roughly washed her face, dd2 was screaming as she hates being touched and didn't have a clue what was going on. I was upset that they didn't show her any pictures to indicate washing her face which they have adviced me to do at home.

Now dd2 is home and still very upset/in her own little world, so different to how she is after MS.

My gut feeling is to take her out of the SN nursery and up her hour at MS but i am worried about loosing all the support we get from the SN nursery and the support from other parents. I'm worried if she leaves i will feel more alone (i will only have parents with NT children to speak too) and dd2 might not get the help she needs to get a place at school.

What do i do? I'm so confused, angry and upset .

what about ms with trying out other routes for support? (pretty soon you will lose the school gate thing as most children are allocated transport)
other support groups/ coffee mornings? (we have 1 as/asd group, and 2 other pan-disability in the area)
what about sn after-school activities? are there any? you would still retain a link to other sn parents?

none of it has to be permanent. many children switch between special and ms/ dual placements etc etc. the important thing is that you work out what suits her for now. it will change over time as she does.

and you'll get used to the NT parents lol. some of them even have hidden sn children as well... i've lost count of the times that people have approached me and 'confessed' about an invisible sibling in a special school somewhere lol.

I would dump the Sen. She might hate the chaos of special needs environment and prefer the predictable behaviour of a mainstream class. That is my best guess as to what happened with my DS. I am no fan of PECs and visual timetables, for reasons which I have bored everyone senseless with on this board, so I do not think you would be missing much. At mainstream, she will hear and perhaps absorb much more language. If it were me and my child were coping in ms and actually enjoying it more I would take the leap. You can always go back if it doesn't work.

madwoman- we don't have a lot in this area in the way of support groups and clubs. I would love to start a ASD/AS support group in the area but i don't have a clue how to go about it. Our nearest ASD support group in an hours drive away and they only meet once every 2 weeks.

Dd1 (AS) is at our local MS school and they have been great as have the other parents (well most of them), sometimes its just nice to talk to other SN/ASD parents as then you don't feel so alone.

At the moment i feel like there's no one to talk to (apart from on MN) who understands Autism and why my children act the way they do.

We do have a SN (ASD) school a few miles from us, at the moment i am doing a course there and they have been really helpful, they do offer an outreach service to ms schools which could be helpful.

Does anybody know how i go about setting up a group? I have met a few people/parents on the course who would probably be interested in a support group in our area.

yes - speak to NAS

i run a pan-disability group but it is more kid/family activity based rather than support, but I think NAS can be of help...

locally we have an AS/ASD parent run group called 'save our sanity' (hampshire - google-able lol and i'm sure the lady who runs it wouldn't mind you contacting her) which was literally set up by two mums advertising and agreeing time and place to meet for coffee. they now have strong affiliations with lots of disability/ children's providers inc NAS and apply for funding to run support/ activities in their own right...

we are a 'parent action group' set up in much the same way, but focus on organising activities for sn kids/ youth and siblings...

although our weekly activities are for kids, the parents generally sit and chat in a different room whilst the drama/ dance whatever is on... which works well.

even deciding you will be at (local cafe in nearest town) every other thursday between 10 and 12, and spreading the word, will often work and grow from there.

Thank you Madwoman, i will contact NAS, it would be nice if it could be something for parents and children (children can play/take part in a activity whilst parents chat). Maybe if we start with just meeting once a month and then see how it goes.

Can you drop SN down to one session and increase MS by one? I understand you wanting the expertise of the SN staff, that was my main reservation in pulling ds out of the CDC. I still did it though, and haven't looked back.

Do you have a local Children's centre at all? Ours has just started an ASD support group there. It might be a good place to start.

I think if i drop her to one session she may get worse . Maybe SN nursery is just not doing it for her now she's at MS. I chose this MS nursery due to their fixed daily routine as dd2 loves routine (as most ASD children do), dd1 (AS) went to this nursery and it totally changed her. At her SN nursery basiclly they go in and do what they like (moving from one activity to another), at MS its more structured and they sit in key groups to play learning games, counting and discusions. Dd2 loves numbers and letters so MS are letting her do number work, maths puzzles etc but as a group rather than on her own.

I think we have a new childrens centre in a town near us so i could look into it as a venue for a support group.

our local children's centre has play equipment that can be used during coffee mornings etc, so it sounds like a good place to start. some have tables and art/craft facilities that can be used, too

good luck with your decisions - but remember nothing is irreversible it might take a while to persuade the LEA lol, but ultimately you need to do whatever is best for dd2 at whatever time. if ms is suiting her better and complementing her development, then i would seriously give it a go ft. it is worth discussing cognitive and the 'academic' side as well as support provision - if dd2 seems to be thriving with the ms curriculum you need to satisfy yourself that the same opportunities are being given in the sn nursery. depending on the mix of abilities this may not always be the case. obviously the best settings of either description will differentiate their work for individual pupils, and as long as this is happening then you can rule that out of the decision making process. (i know that sounds a bit weird given her age - but i mean in terms of learning and developing opportunities, as well as the three 'r's lol)

i agree with sickof - I would be tempted to drop the SN nursery, since not only is your DD happier at MS but also she sounds to have a great rapport with her 1- worker there.

She had another great morning at MS today, no crying, was happy all morning and even joined in with singing and music.

I think she's telling you all you need to know then..