Moving house - how to deal with child who has 'routine' problems

[debs40]

We are having to move house. Our landlords have served an unexpected notice to quit and we have to be out in June.

We thought about buying off the landlords and/or buying somewhere else, but we have been renting while the market settles and we are worried about further price drops. So, we have found another nice place to rent around the corner.

DS (possible AS) has problems with change and is bad enough if I decide to wear a skirt for the day instead of jeans!

Do you have any suggestions for how I can prepare him for the move?

We have been to the house and I have shown him it inside and out. It is literally 5 mins walk away and he will be at the same school. But today, he was really upset about moving and his behaviour really deteriorated as a result.

Any thoughts appreciated.

how old is your ds?

we have moved twice with dd1 now, and she has been ok-ish about it, but she is only 4.8.

What we have done, is pack up her room last at the old house, and unpack it first at the new house.

So, whist the old place is in chaos, she still had her space to go to (really only a bed, plus a few soft toys and a bookcase), and then on the final day, i kept her and dd2 out of the way, while dh packe up dd1's bedroom, scooted over to the new house and unpacked dd1's room.

so she came (at the end of the day, so just in time for bedtime) into a house which was a bit chaotic, but her room was as it should be. I have also found that if she starts the day somewhere new, she is more accepting of it, rather than trying to explain changes away while she is anxious.

if you can afford to have a moving company help, then they will also get the majority of the house moved/packed/unpacked in the day, so your ds could come into a house ready set up.

prioritise what he needs to feel comfortable - for dd1 it was her beloved Mr Tumble as part of bedtime routine, her favourite story, and into bed with her blanket and teddies.

Give him time. If at all possible, take photos of the house and do a sort of plan of what's where, and where your furniture will go in it. Walk there a few times so he's really really familiar with how it looks.

We need data. Lots of data. But we can only trust a bit of it at a time.

It takes us up to 100 repetitions for us to build up enough of a picture on something new to feel confident in it. Doesn't mean you have to walk there 100 times, but he's probably got to think about it 30-100 times - and feel certain that the answer is the same each time - before he can calm down fully.

Moving house is horrible. I've done it a few times, though I've never managed to get the courage to move more than a few miles from where I was born. I still wake in the night panicking that I'm not in the first house we lived in as a family, so I know how big a deal this can be for us. But you have to get out, as you say.

Meantime, quiet peaceful corner for him, something to hug/ wrap round him. And very large cup of something for you, too...

Thanks guys. This is really helpful! His reaction today upset me and made me wonder whether we should just try and buy the house we're in, but it would be a stretch financially, so I have to try and be sensible.

Lots of good tips there, so thanks again