Just cried all the way home from my friends house

[chuckeyegg]

I went to see my friend today with my DS 2.6 I had been unsure of whether I should go because 2 of the people there had young babies and he seems to have developed a strange facination for babies. He grabs at their faces and today he put his hand on one of babies face and pressed hard. I had kept a close eye on him the entire time but just for a second my attention was somewhere else he did it. There was an embrassed silence except for the crying baby. I felt terrible it took everthing I had not to break down there. I knew if I did I wouldn't stop crying. Then he fell out of the back door grabbed lots of the cakes from a plate and I mumbled something about having a appointment and probably much to their relief we left.

He has speech delay and hypertonia so is not steady on his feet. He really doesn't seem to understand what he has done is totally unacceptable. I now feel as though I can't go and see my friends.

I'm sorry for this rambling post but I'm sitting here crying as I do it. I tried buying him a doll and explain to treat it very gently. He really is a gentle child but I don't know what to do.

I am sorry you have had a bad morning. x

Sending you a very large cuppa

chuckeyegg. I totally understand what you mean.
DS is now 4yrs old, when he was younger and used to "grab" kids without rest! I used to take him to a weekly playgroup and it was exhausting, I couldn't sit for a minute to talk to anyone, I would just walk after him making sure he wouldn't touch people.
It took all my strength to keep going to these things, but I think it was worthed.
He is sociable little boy and I think that if he wouldn't have been exposed to all those people maybe he would have been different.
Also, amongst the crowd I managed to mind a few gems of lovely mums that accepted us and included us.
I have no idea what stopped it. The only thing I can say is that for the last couple of weeks (after months and months of not doing it) he has started again. I presume it must be some kind of regression.
But I know it will stop again, so I am not so stressed this time round.

My advice to you, is to please please keep seeing people, yes you will have to follow your child around, but I think isolating yourself from others is far worst.

It is really hard, I hope this phase goes past. Big hugs.

exactly what jellybean said

kids do horrible things to other kids / kids do stuff to other kids that we interpret as horrible but probably wasn't their intention

It is more complicated when you through SN into it though

I understand how you feel. My dd (4)is a biter. I don't think she has a lock of what she is doing - it is just a sensory thing to her. She mouths everything. Other children / babies are just the same as other objects to explore for her.

Don't be hard on yourself. It sounds to me like you are doing everything you can to reinforce good behavior. That's all you can do - as well as intervening / intercepting and you say yourself that you was and this happened v quickly. Your friend's need to be aware of yr son's needs / lack of understanding also and if they cannot step up to the plate with this one then they maybe the chaffy mates you leave behind

Also sounds to me that this shit day was a catalyst for having a cry about yr ds and the issues he has. It all gets to us / pokes us sharper at certain times. Tis good to accept these pangs of sadness.

You poor thing.

It's probably safe to say that most of us have been here at some point, I know I have Pre-dx with DS2 I often went home feeling deflated after toddler groups went bad. DS2 used to fly off the handle if anyone disturbed his routine opening and shutting the toy kitchen doors.

I'm sure your friends will be fine with it, after all, he is only a child.

Oh I can join in here too coz my DS has done some horrible things too. He had a fascination for eyes a few months back and would deliberately poke people and kids on purpose.

It used to make me so mad, I just couldn't understand why he would do it. Then suddenly, literally overnight, it stopped. He then used to run at people and due to his height it would get you right in the crotch. If you weren't prepared for the battering ram, you ended up getting hurt. Again, just when I get to the point of carting him off to the docs with 'a problem child', it stops overnight.

I can't explain why he did it nor can I explain why he stopped so suddenly each time.

He is now almost 4 and I can only put it down to his maturing. 2 and 3 is such a difficult age, they are learning so much and trying out all sorts of things. I did feel much better when I saw a 6 yr old boy deliberately poke his little sister in the eye the other day, horrible to watch but reassuring

IO agree with Jelly.
Kids of 2 are monsters the world over. My friend's 2 year old nearly smothered my new baby.I didn't take it personally for a second.

Cheer up.

Ditto what everyone else said. I have a friend who was round my house with her 3 year old and he hit another friend's DS on the head with a breeze block!

How the hell he managed to lift it we don't know (I felt dreadful as it was my house and my breeze block) but kids do do the most horrible things to each other.

Yes I'd also naturally be embarassed but it's all part of growing up.

Have a large virtual glass of something you fancy, take a couple of deep breaths and give your LO a big hug.

BR

I spent most of the time ds1 was that age sat outside events/people's houses in tears.

It does get better, I never cry for those sorts of reasons now!

"He really doesn't seem to understand what he has done is totally unacceptable."

He probably doesn't understand that at all. But good friends will understand that too, so no need to avoid them. Less than helpful friends might choose not to understand that.

Thanks everyone I feel much better. I'd better keep DS away from breeze blocks!

Oh we've all been here to some degree I think. I was once mortified when ds1 grabbed a child's hair at playgroup and refused to let go. It was totally out of character for him and we left straightaway (after comforting the poor bawling child)

The following week I apologised and everyone was so nice about it, one lady I know with 4 dc's said her dd2 went through a phase of systematically trying to push over and wallop every child in the room. She used to have the most spectacular tantrums too. At about 3.6 it stopped and she's lovely now.

It's normal behaviour for the age. I think with any kind of SN thrown in, you feel automatically that it's the cause, when often it is "typical" 2 yr old behaviour.

try to hang out with people with more than one child or a child over the age of 3. No-one with a first baby will understand. Most people with two children will. Almost everyone with 3 will. And anyone with 4+ will definitely have experienced being in your shoes.

It's amazing how I can come on here and find threads that mirror exactly how you are feeling. Ds has been a terror this week as we are toilet training him this week. We were due to go and see a friend for coffee at her house today but she said someone else was coming with her preschooler. I was too anxious that ds would just start an aggressive bout so I decided to cancel. But it does leave you feeling isolated and just wishing things were different.
TBH I think even good friends only understand up to a certain point. They might understand that a child with sn might do strange things but not, for example, have an understanding that the child lacks empathy and just will not say sorry in public no matter howmuch I force him.

I definitely need to develop a thicker skin but how do you do that? I was the type, when my other two werelittle, that didn't mind if they got hit because it could well be them that did hitting later and they would survive it. But I've learnt that a lot ofparents do get upset if their child is hit. So it is so very hard when you have a child doing this and they cannot be simply taught to stop.

That is so wise lingle .
Makes me think of this:
Your first child swallows a coin and you rush them to A and E.
Second child swallows a coin and you wait for it to come out the other end.
Third child swallows a coin and you take it out their pocketmoney.

lol nikos 4th child they wait for it to come out other end then they wash it and spend it

Mys ds1 (nt) put two AAA size batteries into my friends new born baby's mouth .... he wanted to know if it would make her move - WTF !!! The parents thought ds was literally sporned from hell . Try and stay clear of new borns and precious mums .... too stressful.

Sorry but PMSL at AAA.... at least it wasn't 3 Ds!!!

My two year old is pulling hair at the moment, really hard, until the other child's body is dragged along behind the head, is mortifying . I have now forgotten what the others did at that age, but was filled with various horrors involving kicking, poking out eyes, and stamping on babies.
I am pg now, and have it all to come, I don't even remember what other toddlers did to my children, and don't remember even noticing, was far too busy watching my own little terrors!

Feel much better today after a few large glasses of red wine last night!

Thats the spirit - today is another day