Calling all adults who have aspergers/ASD - Please talk to me about your experiences at school!

[Yurtgirl]

I would like to find out how you feel about your experience of school/education now that you are an adult.

My ds is 7 with a diagnoses of Aspergers. He is desperately unhappy at school - because he is bored in class (too easy) and because the staff are entirely ignorant of aspergers and his needs - although I have tried to enlighten them!

He is desperate to be home educated which I am willing to do, although daunted by the task!

My questions are:

Are you glad that you 'survived' your school experience? (I am assuming you did, maybe you feel you didnt?)

Or given your time again would you have pestered your family to allow you to be home educated?

I hope that makes sense and that you dont mind me asking - it is really interesting to be able to talk to adults who understands how my son feels

Thankyou

I don't have a DX of AS, but had similar social problems but not sensory problems to people on the spectrum (bullet123, who does have the DX, and my high school memories are very similar).

Home ed just wouldn't have been right in my particular family set up, I would have ended up even more isolated. I just about survived my school experience; I try and blank out much of it, but still have regularish recurring dreams about the loneliness. In hindsight I think a more nurturing co-ed school with awareness of AS and who ran social skills groups and were prepared to look after kids who were struggling socially would have been if not the answer, as close to an answer....School catered well for my academic needs (I was a v. high achiever) but not for my social ones.

Ok, very quickly:

Primary school. Actually not bad at all up to the age of 10. Almost certaintly hyperactive until the age of about 6 at least, then settled down and became more and more withdrawn. But I was fortunate enough between the ages of 6 to 10 to go to a small village primary which was unintentionally very much geared towards me. Small class sizes, all lessons taken in either one classroom with one teacher or in the small school hall, sitting at individual desks after the infants (there were various problems in the infants but this was partly related to the teacher). Two years in the same class, used a pencil to write with so no problems with ink. Basically a very structured, quiet and calming environment. I did appear different, the head teacher said he would not be put through for the 11+ as though academically I could do it, emotionally he thought I could not cope with it. I played with a couple of other girls but as he soon as we moved I was not at all bothered about not being able to play with them anymore.
We moved to a town when I was 10 and though my parents sought the smallest primary school they could for me it was still twice the size of my nice village primary. Huge shock. For a start I was emotionally much younger than the other girls in my year who were starting to want to sit round in groups and talk rather than run round playing. I spent playtimes alone, either reading until the teacher made me stop or just wandering around. Class sizes were much bigger, size of school seemed huge, very very overwhelming.
Secondary school was a delightful and refreshing change. No, not really. The whole set up of it was very difficult to cope with. Changes in classes throughout the day, havign to write in ink, couldn't cope with noisy school hall, couldn't fit in or understand or want to fit in with the social groups. Basically very much a loner, rather immature, the more things worried me the more quieter and withdrawn I got. Could not tell people when things were upsetting me so went through years of bullying and often detentions related to my difficulties. I never went into town with anyone, never phoned up or was phoned up for a chat, could sometimes talk to someone in the class but in breaks I was on my own. Was constantly called and believed to be "thick, stupid" etc due to the fact I was so quiet and often couldn't reply when someone spoke to me. As I was very passive and academic (the organisation of the latter did need my dad to step in at times) nothing was done in terms of other help or understanding. I am pleased I managed to get by, but there is no way I would want another person on the spectrum to go through what I did and I had quite mild experiences.

just to add - primary school was better than secondary school - although at times the bullying/name calling was a lot more overt, I could manage OK at breaktimes by joining in physical games etc a lot of the time, whereas I couldn't cope at breaktime in secondary school because it was just girls in little cliques chatting which I hadn't a prayer of joining in with.

Thankyou so much for your replies

Bullet yours is heartbreaking - especially as you say at the end you had quite mild experiences.

DS problems concerning aspergers are relatively mild I think - but school makes him desperately unhappy, but he loves learning at any opportunity so I know he doesnt lack motivation!

Although your post is heartbreaking - it is also really inspiring, motivating me towards home educating my children even more, thankyou!

Any other thoughts also welcome

As I posted elsewhere on MN last night the senco at my kids school is hopelessly ignorant about DS and his needs

As is the special needs support teacher

And the headmistress of the school

All 3 hopelessly ignorant about children with Aspergers

It has been reccomended to me that I ask them to have autism awareness training - but given how hopeless they are I cant imagine that will make much difference

I have been encouraged to ask for a parental request for a statement and then a Learning Support Assistant for ds but ds is convinced that wouldnt help

I am also aware that support assistants vary widely in how good they are - so even with support he may not be happier, he talks about killing or kicking teachers and dinnerladies atm. As well as burning the school down

Hence I was wondering how adults with aspergers/similar difficulties feel about school now that you are older!

yurtgirl - just to let you know dd had a full time ta when she started reception and a lunch time supervisor and she still didnt cope - it didnt make any differnece to her as it was the environment that caused her so much anxiety and stress. She has been out of school and at home for 6 weeks now and the difference is amazing. im very glad we did it - she may go back itno school at some point and i guess we wont know how she will cope unt untilwe do but im talking years down the line not months!!!! Just enjuoying the change in my little girl.

At the end of the day it doesnt have to be the end of schooling if you decide he is not for him. It is hard work but so rewarding and i would encourage you to try it if you are willing to give it a go

Knat - That is truly fantastic to read Im glad your dd is much happier now! How old is she?

Mine have been at home all day today although they arent actually deregistered yet, long story!

We have been reading about the vikings today - have made viking helmets, axes and shields! They are just about to have a viking raid against some monks (teddy bears)
DS is a viking raider, dd a shipbuilder and I apparently am a rune master. Not a thrall (slave) YET no doubt I will be captured and enslaved soon

I think there is a lot more understanding now of Aspergers and schools do make more of an effort. When I was growing up there was very little awareness.
Ds1 attends a special school and it is fantastic for him. It's geared towards helping him communicate and interact in ways that make sense to him, he's not pushed towards things he has no hope of achieving yet, but is challenged to do the best he can.

Don't have time for a long reply but there is a very good book caleed "Martian in the Playground' by Claire Sainsbury documenting the experiences of ASD kids at school. I used to have a copy but it is leant out ATM, I think the person has lost it and doesn't want to tell me, other wise i would lend you it.

she is 5 - 6 in october.

Sounds like you've had a great day - my problem is extending dd's learning to anything other than cats, fairies and horses!!!!

I can also recommend martian in the playground - its definitely worth a read,.