aibu TO think that anyone can have a disabled child, even if the tests come back ok?

[Saint2shoes]

why is it that people think that if they test for this and that and they get the all clear, it will mean they have a "healthy" baby?

it really does my head in.
almost like the new topic about testing having choices in the title. imo it makes people believe there is always a choice.

I know so many children that are disabled because of something that happened during the birth, soon after or in toddler hood.

the amount of children I know whose disability was caused but suspected or proved negilence during the birth is suprising as well and quite often comes down to minuits.
why are there not campaigns for this, surely proper training and staffing could lead to so many lives not being changed.

My sight issues weren't apparent til 18 months.

And yes, I do worry that when I have kids they'll get hit with worse sight than me, but I don't believe in taking a life because the child isn't what most would call "normal" (oh how I HATE that word). It won't stop me having kids, and I know if my child was disabled I'd still love them from the bottom of my heart and be there for them no matter what the challenge.

riven I didn't know you were related to that famous author

Gosh Riven your sister was crude.

going back a bit to previous threads on this difficult topic, I think there is a big reason for terminating a child when a scan reveals a disability. You usually terminate because you don't want the inconvience and change in your own lifestyle. You are weighing up your own interests and putting them first. So you don't really want to hear how fulfilling the life of a person with downs can be. It's not that you don't value that life, you just value your lifestyle more.

so it is a lifestyle choice then.

I am only talking about something like mild downs here 2shoes, not a condition that is fatal. But yes, I think that most people terminate because they want to have a convenient lifestyle.
It's not that they are so compassionate that they "let the baby go", etc, etc. They didn't want the baby because they suspect having the baby would mean lots of hard work and less time relaxing.

"Lifestyle" makes it sound trivial. Perhaps "way of life" would be fairer.

But if I had aborted after a scan showing downs, then I might have told myself all sorts of reasons afterwards but the truth is plain and simple - I would have done it so I could keep my life as it was before.

lingle, on a lot of threads people have posted about how they couldn't have a disabled child as it would interfere with their job or travel.
that means any decision they make is to do with life style
(like you I am not talking about not compatible with life situations, that is just heartbreaking)
you can test for downs, get the all clear and still have a disabled baby,
then what will these people do, aka JH abandon the baby?

I've posted on the antenatal tests and choices board to tell my story and offer support to anyone struggling with termination issues.

I had no choice about my baby having a disability, his DS was decided at conception but I did have a choice to let him live or die and although I have never regretted my decision to have him, embrace his disability and the challenges ahead it still haunts me as it was not an easy choice (It was only a year ago) I look back now and think I had a CHOICE does that mean I'm lucky? If either of my other children became disabled there would be no choice and now I realise it kind of helped me come to my decision because my babies were my babies from day 1 born or unborn
I must add however that how it would affect my lifestyle never came in to it???? but maybe that's just me, my main concern aside from the potential heart defects and health issues were how it would affect my older children. Some interesting points raised.

Peanut08 how are your other children getting on?

Hi Saint, they're good thanks. DS is hard work at the moment he has loads of energy and likes to 'challenge' us but hey ho he is only 5. As far as my DS2 goes they adore him I thought the novelty might have worn off by now! DS, 7, has started to notice the differences in his development compared to babies younger than him but we just answer questions as they come and concentrate on getting on with family life.

aww that is good, I have to say ds has suprised me, he is dd's best mate(unusual as he is 17 and she is 14)

The vast majority of parents do not want to consider the prospect of having a disabled dc so I doubt very much whether they'd be interested in hearing about all the disabilities that cannot be detected ante-natally, nor about how disabilities can be caused by labour/delivery or about how they can emerge developmentally.

I have a friend who was desperate for a dd. She went for her 20wk scan and lo, was told she was having a ds. She told her friends and family that this was the case...and several people responded to her along the lines of, 'well at least you know he's alright' . I didn't have the heart to tell her that, 'no, you don't know he's alright and you may not know until he's many months old'.

I didn't feel able to say that to her because to do so, I would've felt as though I were 'wishing' something bad on her unborn baby IYSWIM??