Finally got a dx for dd, but am so confused. Any ideas welcome.

[siblingrivalry]

Hi

DD1 (8) has been going through the dx process for about a year. There has been a multi-disciplinary meeting recently, where the 'experts' discussed her dx.

They have basically ruled out ASD. However she has dx of a lot of things : Sensory Processing Disorder, dyspraxia, dyscalculia, severe anxiety and a non-verbal communication disorder.

I literally don't know where to start;I don't know where one condition starts and the other ends and many of the various symptoms or behaviours overlap. There are a few agencies involved -psyc, OT, and SALT - but they are all contradicting each other.

Her psyc said that she has a lot of complex needs (although I know that they are not complex in the sense that they are life threatening) and that there will be a great deal of work needed to help her to cope. He said to be prepared for a long road -but to be honest, we always accepted that there was no 'cure', so that was no surprise.

I just wondered what other parents do when their child has multiple dx -do you find a way to work through the child's issues separately, or is it a case of juggling the
child's needs on a daily basis? That's what we have done so far, but now I feel lost and don't know what to do first.

Many thanks in advance for any advice.I have to go out now, but will be back later.

I felt a bit like "take a ticket" at one point in DS1's childhood. He had a multi-disciplinary meeting/assessment that took 3 days.

Conclusion: he did in fact have ADHD (which i knew) he also had DCD (mild dyspraxia), was dylexic, ODD, and something to do with his core strength too - none of which i knew about. I felt a bit numb and wondered what i should be doing to help, and why had i not known about all the other stuff - guilt being a mothers best freind.

Anyhoo, years on its kinda all insignificant now (strange how it mattered like life and death at the time!) and he is who he is. If he struggled with something we got help for it, other than that it was more peace of mind that i wasnt a crap mum, and he really was a difficult child.

...

That said, DS5 has GDD and no Dx yet... and im tying myself in knots over it . Over analysing everything he does (or doesnt) and generally becoming obsessed! tut tut tut.. what am i like?

DS2 was diagnosed with ASD, dispraxia, verbal dispraxia and additional had huge food issues and sensory issues.

I have tended to focus on what is the most life affecting for him and work through that way

His food issues and ASD were the most urgent early on but I found that excluding dodgy foods alieviated some of his sensory and ASD issues.

You can't be superhman and sadly the list of what you can help with will be shorter than the list of what you want to.
You are feeling understandably overwhelmed but the cross over helps as actually one thing helped/eased often has multiple effects. Like when we helped DS2's sleep issues his anxiety reduced.
HTHs

What you are saying makes a lot of sense, thankyou Misscut. So do you think it's an idea to try to put the 'labels' (IYKWIM) to one side and just help dd with the things she is struggling with, as they occur?

I find dd incredibly hard work at times, but a lot of that is down to me trying to fix her problems, rather than accepting that I can't -if that makes any sense?
I never feel like I am doing enough, yet I know there aren't enough hours in the day to do any more. I also have dd2 to consider -she needs her share of attention too.

At times, the guilt is overwhelming. Do other parents feel that way, too? I know that it's very likely that the terrible pregnancy I had with dd1 contributed to a lot of her current difficulties and I keep going over what I could have done differently. It was all out of my control, yet I still rehash it!

Misscut, good luck with your ds' dx.

Xpost, Pagwatch.

The crossover thing gives me some hope -if I can work on dd's awful sleep patterns, that should also help with other issues.

I will take your advice, too, about concentrating on whatever is affecting her the most at any one point. It tends to vary and sometimes I struggle to know which way to go.

Most of her meltdowns at the moment are due to noise and over-stimulation, so that's something to work on.

Phew -it's hard work, this parenting lark. Almost 9 years in and I feel like a rookie!

Guilt - yeah do that one. But it's pretty pointless and just wastes energy (mind you easier to type than actually do).

Mine is 'complex' - it always sounds soo depressing when they say that in meetings and nod their head sagely. We started off with ASD but I always knew he had dyspraxia - you can't really ignore it he's the most dyspraxic person in the world (bit of hyperbole but hey - its Saturday!). Then, when he was 11 we discover lots of other stuff we never even knew about - visual and audio processing probs. THEN when he is in now lovely special school the speech therapists tell me he has a 'serious speech and language prob' which has been undiagnosed for years and years. How thick did I feel.

Anyhow, lots of overlearning, kinesthethetic approaches, patience (don't have any of that unfortunately), understanding (also sadly lacking at times), visual approaches, short activities, warnings of change work for lots and lots of kids - not just those with SEN and are universal strategies for all difficulties so by using them you will cover all bases. I would highly recommend though good OT - it has changed my son's life.

PS - I've just woken up from an afternoon zzzz thinking that he went with hubby and younger DS golfing (DS1 to walk round with them) only to find he has been gardening for 2.3 hours solid on his own. As I say - if you're going to be a crap mother like me - do it in style!!! Sleep while your child slaves away in the jungle . . .

Did you go out and show him the bit he had missed....

Nah didn't have to. Bloody hell he's good. And he doesn't seem to get bored. He'd been out there 3 hours!

He's going to do Bronze Duke of Edinburgh Award and he's got to do a skill so he might decide (with a little help from his mother to do gardening because there is space for a brand new veg patch to be dug

Other than that he's bloody good at hoovering - is there anyone out there who wants my lumbering lumox to come and hover their house - need to be East Surrey/North West Sussex? Seriously - it could be an option.

I think it is sometimes a bit hard having multiple dxs, because it's harder to know how to deal with something when you don't know the cause. Ds1 has dyspraxia, hypermobility syndrome, and social and commiunication difficulties. The social and communication may be dx as autism depending when paed makes their mind up and the OT also suspects dyslexia.

I try to focus on needs rather than pigeon holing everything off, as there is so much overlap it's pretty much impossible to in any case.

I'd like to join the crap mum group too! I should be doing OT with him daily and never seem to fit that in. I've giving up trying to coax him out of his moods and leave him to it. And I did everything I shouldn't have during pg. He's happy though, and healthy despite all his issues, so somethign must be going right.

I could do with a garderner too...